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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28508151">An Unexpected Life</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Isarnicole/pseuds/Isarnicole'>Isarnicole</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games (Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Tragedy, Drama &amp; Romance, Multi, POV Alternating, Sex, Unplanned Pregnancy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 18:49:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>69,104</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28508151</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Isarnicole/pseuds/Isarnicole</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>An unexpected pregnancy. An unexpected reunion. An unexpected love. Katniss and Peeta find each other again 6 years after graduating high school. They both hold painful pasts, but together they embark on an uncertain future toward the happy ending that they have both been searching for. Modern AU. Everlark. Multi-Chapter. Alternating POV's. Rated M.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Annie Cresta/Finnick Odair, Gale Hawthorne/Madge Undersee, Johanna Mason/Original Female Character(s), Katniss Everdeen/Peeta Mellark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>63</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Morning After and New Beginnings</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <em>Katniss</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>The beam of early morning light filtered in through the opening in the curtains and landed directly across both of her closed eyelids. She groaned and tried to turn away from the unwelcomed light threatening to disturb the alcohol induced sleep coma she had been in. She cracked an eyelid hissing at the offending brightness of the morning sun. There was a heavy weight across her middle blocking her attempts to move. The weight was an arm and that arm was attached to a man in her bed; a naked man. Looking down she saw that she was also naked, and snippets of the night before started to work their way back into her consciousness.</p><p>"Shit," she muttered to herself, scrubbing the grit of sleep from her eyes. What the hell was his name? It was something ridiculous, that much she was sure of. It had been something like magical, miraculous, marvelous…Marvel, that's it! She scoffed under her breath and rolled her eyes. He had been anything but a marvel. With a name like that his parents must have had high hopes for him when he was born. Or, it had to be some stupid nickname that he thought made him sound intriguing or sexy. While she admitted that he wasn't bad looking, he was definitely not someone she would have chosen to bring home if she were sober and absolutely not the first night she met him. She was lonely and had too much to drink. He was available and kept plying her with more alcohol and sleazy pick-up lines. She needed to get him out of her room and her apartment. She needed a very large coffee, a shower and some alone time.</p><p>She gently lifted his arm and rolled out from under it, letting it drop back down on the mattress with a dull thud. He didn't even move. The only thing that confirmed he wasn't dead was the sound of his snore that occasionally drifted out from the pillow his head was buried under. Grabbing her robe and securing it tightly around her, she walked to the other side of the bed and cringed at the bare leg and naked ass hanging out from under her favorite comforter. She made a mental note to wash the bed clothes after he was gone. Using her toes, she gently placed her foot on the offending butt cheek and gave her one night stand a firm shake to wake him up. He thrashed and mumbled incoherently, but finally crawled out from under the pillow blinking rapidly to adjust his eyes to the light.</p><p>"Hey…. gorgeous," he said. She watched him struggle as he desperately tried to remember her name.</p><p>"Good morning," she replied as she tossed his shirt and underwear on his chest. "Um…I need to get ready to head into work soon. Do you have someplace that you need to be?" While she didn't actually have to be to work for several hours, she was trying to be as tactful as possible while asking him to leave.</p><p>"You sure you don't want to dive in for seconds?" He pulled the comforter back, taking his erection in hand and wiggling his eyebrows to her suggestively.</p><p>She swallowed the groan threatening to burst from her throat and mentally scolded herself for being so impulsive and stupid. "I think I'm going to have to pass."</p><p>"C'mon babe," he reached up and grabbed the tie of her robe, "you couldn't get enough of this dick last night."</p><p>"I said no. Now, I need you to leave…please." She could feel her face getting flushed at the irritation of the predicament she put herself in. She was never drinking again. She closed her eyes and took a deep, calming breath before she snatched the tie of the robe out of his hands, handed him his jeans and motioned towards the door. As Marvel walked out of her front door, he turned and pinched her nipple through her robe and said, "You just send daddy a text when you're feeling thirsty. I'm sure I can make it wet enough to quench that thirst." Then, he disappeared down the stairs leaving her standing in the doorway with her mouth hanging open and her fists balled in furious rage at her sides.</p><hr/><p>District 12 was a popular bar run by Katniss' uncle, Haymitch Abernathy. Haymitch wasn't her uncle in the biological sense. He had been her father's best friend and when her mother and father died in a car accident shortly after her 11th birthday, Haymitch stepped in as the parental figure for both Katniss and her younger sister Primrose. District 12 became a reality after Haymitch's home brewed beer, The Hob, grew in popularity throughout their small town followed by the nearby city and the entire state. He used the funds from his microbrewery to open the bar five years ago, which he was now refurbishing into a gastropub due to the growing demand for more than just drinks from his patrons. This is why Katniss was sitting in her car outside the bar at 10am on a Sunday. She nursed the iced coffee in her hands, bringing it up to her temples to try and calm the pounding in her head.</p><p>"Sweetheart! I can see you sitting in there. Get your ass out of the car and come help."</p><p>Haymitch stood in the doorway of the bar with a stained dishtowel thrown over his shoulder and sweat glistening on his brow. He had been throwing everything he had into this renovation and Katniss worried about him. Not only was he getting up there in age, but he was also a functioning alcoholic. He tried to keep it hidden but it really was one of the worst kept secrets in town. Katniss pushed her sunglasses up the bridge of her nose and stepped out of her car, still keeping a death grip on the coffee. It was mid-July and nearly 95 degrees even this early in the day. She was sure the humidity was at about 500%. Beads of sweat were already forming in her hairline.</p><p>Haymitch let out a low whistle as he sized her up. "You look like shit. Rough night?"</p><p>"And, a rough morning. Please don't ask," she said, shaking her head at the questioning look on his face.</p><p>She brushed passed him as he playfully tugged on the braid hanging over her shoulder and made her way to her favorite seat at the end of the long, mahogany bar. The cool wood felt good against her cheek as she laid her face down and closed her eyes. Haymitch pulled the sunglasses off her face and set a glass of water and two aspirin in front of her.</p><p>"Drink up. You're absolutely no good to me in your current state. I have our new chef coming in today and I need your help restocking the bar and finishing the painting in the back. If it helps, I can get you a shot. Hair of the dog and all that."</p><p>She tossed the pills in her mouth and gulped down all the water greedily. She was so thirsty and sure she had never felt this bad of a hangover. Haymitch reached for a bottle of tequila, her favorite, and a shot glass. She shook her head which caused her temples to throb violently. "No! No, more alcohol ever. Never, ever again."</p><p>Haymitch just chuckled to himself while putting the liquor and glass away. "So, what caused the bender last night?" he asked.</p><p>She sighed. "I was perfectly fine all day yesterday and then I got home and got all in my head thinking about mom and dad and Prim and…just everything. So, I called Johanna to see if she wanted to go out just for one drink." Haymitch gave her a pointed look. "I know, I know. Jo is never just a 'one drink' kind of person. I was asking for trouble. I know that now."</p><p>"Well, did you at least have fun?"</p><p>"Parts of it were fun. Other parts, not so much." She could see Haymitch itching to get more details. He thrived on helping people deal with their drama or just listening to them talk. He's probably the most popular part of District 12 and definitely one of the reasons they have so many return customers, but she had no plans on reliving the horror of that morning. "So, who's this new chef?" she asked, desperate to change the subject.</p><p>"Some kid fresh out of culinary school. He's a damn good cook and he can make all that frilly shit people are wanting to eat while still making sure the food fits with the bar. You might know him. I think he went to school with you."</p><p>"There were a lot of people in my school, Haymitch, and I wasn't exactly a social butterfly. What's his name?"</p><p>He grabbed the resume file from under the bar and opened it quickly, "Peeta Mellark."</p><p>Katniss' stomach dropped to the ground. Of all the people who could come back into her life, Peeta Mellark was one that she thought she would never see again. He had the mix of good looks, athletic ability and charm that made him extremely popular in school. He was always surrounded by a group of people and she remembered watching them laugh and have fun. There were many days that her life was bleak and hard, despite Haymitch's best efforts, and watching him with his friends and all of their apparent sunny happiness seemed like such a stark contrast to her reality. She remembered feeling that pit in her stomach anytime she saw a pretty, popular, bubbly girl hanging on him, her arms around his waist, fingers in his wavy blonde hair or her lips on his. She had maybe spoken five words to him in her entire life, but she was adult and secure enough now to admit that what she felt in high school was definitely jealousy. She'd had a crush on Peeta Mellark. But, then again, who didn't. She had been so lost in her thoughts she didn't realize Haymitch was still talking.</p><p>"Who even names their kid Peeta, anyway? What kind of name is that? I wonder if he goes by a nickname or a middle name. I'll have to ask him."</p><p>"What kind of name is Haymitch? Or, Katniss for that matter?" Haymitch's eyebrows shot up at her outburst. "His father owned a bakery and named all of his sons after breads," she said, surprising herself and him with this detailed personal information. "Peeta was named after Pita bread, but his father thought he would be clever with the spelling so that he could be called Peet as a nickname instead of Pit…or…that's what I heard him tell someone once."</p><p>"Aha! So, you do know him!"</p><p>"No, not really. I mean…everyone we went to school with probably knows of him, but I'm sure he doesn't remember me at all," she said in a rush, her cheeks darkening slightly with embarrassment.</p><p>"Well, we'll just have to ask <em>Peeta</em>," he emphasized the name as a playful dig at Katniss' awkward bashfulness, "when he gets here."</p><p>"Ask me what?" a male voice asked behind her.</p><p>She turned and there he was. He wasn't very tall, maybe just a few inches taller than her, but he had a stocky, well-built frame. His hair was a little longer than she remembered and curled haphazardly across his forehead. His eyes were still a brilliant sapphire blue. It was a color she could never forget. She had never seen anything like it before or since. Even after six years, her heart still began to beat a little faster at the sight of him. She felt 17 all over again, self-conscious and shy and a little annoyed at herself for feeling this way. Then she remembered that she looked like hungover death and the feelings magnified tenfold. She unconsciously brought her hand up to straighten the flyaway wisps of hair that had escaped her braid in the humidity and heat and crinkled her nose slightly as she glanced down at her choice of an outfit. Haymitch looked on with a thoroughly amused smirk playing across his lips.</p><p>"Well, Miss 'Too Many Tequila Shots' here," Haymitch said, jerking his thumb towards Katniss, "was saying you probably didn't remember her at all."</p><p>Katniss groaned at the reference to her night of debauchery and briefly considered crawling under the barstool and willing the floor to swallow her up.</p><p>"Hey, Katniss. It's good to see you again," Peeta said shyly, ducking his head a bit. His lips pulled up in a crooked smiled that charmed her instantly and she thought she saw the beginnings of a blush forming on his cheeks. But, it was probably just from the heat. It was immensely hot in the bar all of a sudden. She took another long drink of her iced coffee.</p><hr/><p>The day ended up not being as terrible as she had imagined it would be. Peeta mostly kept to himself cleaning and setting up the newly remodeled kitchen. He was a lot quieter than she'd thought he would be although she did catch him chuckling at one or two of the things said in the banter between Haymitch and herself. She liked the sound of that chuckle and was sure that hearing a full bellied laugh from him would be quite a thing to behold. Near the end of the day, after she and Haymitch had restocked the bar, cleaned and decided – after a lengthy argument – about the placement of the tables in the now much larger dining area, Peeta joined them to help finish up the painting. Haymitch had decided on a deep forest green, which she loved and thought complimented the dark wood nicely. It'd made her think of her childhood spent with her father in the woods. It really was her favorite color and she said as much to both of them. Peeta's eyes watched her thoughtfully as she spoke, a small smile pulled up the corners of his mouth. His lips were full, but not obnoxiously so. She wondered how many lucky girls had had the chance to see what those lips felt like when pressed to their own.</p><p>"Doesn't really surprise me much, sweetheart," Haymitch said pulling her away from her preoccupation with Peeta's mouth. "You always did love the trees and the fields." His eyes went dark for just a moment and she'd known he was thinking of her father, but he'd known better than to say anything out loud. "So, boy," he continued turning towards Peeta, "Katniss has shared the deep details of her favorite color, what's yours?"</p><p>Peeta seemed shocked for a moment to be included into the conversation, but that was quickly replaced with an easy smile as he replied, "Orange."</p><p>"Orange? Like traffic cones?" she said, her nose wrinkled up in mild disgust.</p><p>He laughed and shook his head lightly as if to concede that particular orange would be the one that most people would think of. "No, not that bright. Softer, like the pale orange of a sunset."</p><p>Katniss stared at him for just a moment, the paint roller raised in mid-stroke and her mouth hanging open like a fish on a hook before she nodded her head and directed her eyes and mind back to the task at hand. She clamped her jaw shut. What was wrong with her? She never acted like this with people, especially men. In general, with the exception of Haymitch and her best friend Gale, she only really associated with men when the lonely need in her got too great. Then she would seek them out, but only for a little while until that need was fulfilled. After, she would be done and that would be the end of that. It was cold and probably a little cruel, but she had no need for relationships or romantic love in her life. She remembered the love between her mother and father. It was so powerful and so great that she didn't think anything else could match it. She watched that love disappear when they did, and the devastation it left inside of her was not something she was willing to risk feeling with another person. She already had so much love for Prim that it frightened her, and she would often wake up from nightmares of losing her sister too. So, she needed to stop looking at Peeta, with his shaggy blonde hair and blue eyes and crooked smile and toned arms that flexed in just the right way as he rolled the paint across the blank walls. Yes, she definitely needed to stop looking.</p><p>As they were preparing to leave and Katniss was already dreaming about just how much cheese would be on the pizza she planned on ordering when she got home, Peeta stated that he had come up with what he thought would be a pretty cohesive menu and wondered if either of them would be willing to do a taste testing sometime this week before he went over it with the kitchen staff and they officially reopened the bar. Katniss' stomach decided, embarrassingly, to pick that exact moment to grumble very loudly. Haymitch guffawed.</p><p>"Well, boy, I guess that answers that question for you. Honestly, she's been my judge on food for years and she has keys to this place, so I'll leave her to it. You kids make the decisions and send me the menu mockup on Thursday." He looked pointedly at both of them. "Thursday and not a day before. I'm going to take a much deserved few days off before the chaos begins again and I don't want to be bothered." He shook Peeta's hand and tugged on Katniss' braid before hopping into his old truck and driving off, leaving them both standing awkwardly on the sidewalk.</p><p>Peeta shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot and Katniss cleared her throat. She couldn't have imagined anything more awkward then dinner alone with him. She dreaded it even though a small part in the back recesses of her mind lit up with something that seemed like excitement. Peeta ran his hand through his curls, causing them to stand even more on end. She bit her lip to keep a smile that threatened to spread across her face at bay. He rubbed the back of his neck and reached into the back pocket of his jeans, pulling out a phone, unlocking it and handing it to her. She looked up at him quizzically.</p><p>"Can I…um, can I have your number?" he asked. "You know, to contact you about the tasting?" He seemed flustered and chuckled quietly as he tried to hide the embarrassment she could see blazing pink across his cheeks.</p><p>She agreed, also blushing, and quickly entered her number in his contacts. She fumbled as she handed the phone back to him. A slight tremble had found its way to her hands. She shoved them in her pockets. A few seconds later she felt her own phone vibrate as he sent her text.</p><p>"Well, this is me," he said, hooking his thumb towards a black Jeep. "It really is great to see you again, Katniss. Kind of blowing my mind a little bit, but definitely great."</p><p>She hesitated as she processed this information. Blowing his mind? Her? Her palms felt sweaty all of the sudden and her heart was raced while she tried to keep up with the thoughts that swirled around in her head.</p><p>"Thanks, Peeta. Just text me with the info on the tasting." It came out more clipped and brusque than she had intended, and she cringed slightly before adding, "It was really great to see you again too."</p><p>He nodded his head, smiled that easy, crooked smile and turned to get into his Jeep and drive away. Once enclosed in her own car, she leaned her forehead on the steering wheel and inhaled a deep, steading breath, releasing it slowly. That helped. She just needed to call the pizza place, then turn up the radio and drive home with the windows down. She unlocked her phone and swiped the notification to open Peeta's text in order to add him to her contact list. She slowly cocked her head to the side in confusion as she read the text.</p><p>
  <em>Hey. This is Peeta. You know, that dorky kid who had a crush on you in school :)</em>
</p><p>WHAT?! He had to have been making a lighthearted joke, trying to ease the tension they had found themselves in standing on that sidewalk. There was no possible way he had a crush on her. They never even spoke to each other in school. He barely made eye contact with her in passing and he was always surrounded by pretty, shapely, popular girls. Girls with silky, beautiful hair in vibrant shades that flowed easily across their shoulders and down their backs. Girls with smooth hands and manicured fingernails that had never seen manual labor. Girls with long legs, full hips and round breasts. Girls who could easily carry on a conversation and laugh freely with their higher pitched, singsong voices. Girls that were everything that she wasn't.</p><p>She stared at the words on the screen for several minutes. She didn't know how to respond or if she should even respond. The mental back and forth was draining and she was already tired and hungry, not to mention still ridiculously hungover. Finally, she decided that to just ignore it would be the best way to proceed.</p><p>
  <em>Hey. I'm free Tuesday and Wednesday for the tasting if that works for you. Let me know.</em>
</p><p>She quickly dialed her favorite pizzeria. She placed her order, pocketed her phone and headed home. She needed food, Netflix and a shower. She really needed to stop thinking about Peeta Mellark, but she didn't think that was going to be such an easy thing to do.</p><hr/><p>They decided to meet on Tuesday night in order to give Peeta a full day to finalize the menu before presenting it to Haymitch for printing. This gave Katniss almost 48 hours to work out dozens of scenarios in which this meal alone with Peeta would end in absolute disaster. She would inevitably say or do something that would send him running for the door and they would be out a chef. Haymitch would be furious. She'd have to find another job and another apartment because she wouldn't be able to afford this one without the tips she made working at District 12. And Prim…Prim would have to leave her Ivy League school that Haymitch was able to help fund only due to the popularity of The Hob and the bar.</p><p>It was nearly noon on Tuesday and Katniss was still lying face down on her bed. She had stayed up too late the night before unable to turn her mind off as she dreaded this day alone with Peeta. She was usually such an early riser. She had been since her parents had died and she had to be up early enough to get both Prim and herself ready for school, which included packing lunches and getting something out to make for dinner. Haymitch tried, he really did, but he was shit when it came to basic household necessities like cooking and cleaning. So, these responsibilities fell on Katniss' small 11-year-old shoulders and she did them every day without complaint. She had a strong determination to give Prim the best life she could despite everything that had happened, and Katniss was strong willed and stubborn to a fault. Once she had decided that Prim deserved every opportunity life offered, she worked to the bone to give her those opportunities. Now, her baby sister was in one of the country's top schools studying to be a doctor. There were times, on exceptionally bad days, when Katniss would wallow in the current state of her life. She was 24, terminally single, living in a tiny apartment. She barely passed high school, although that had nothing to do with her intelligence and more to do with the lack of time she had available to study. She was a server in a bar with no real prospects of achieving anything more in life. But, on those days, thinking of everything Prim was achieving and experiencing would lessen the sting. She would gladly give up anything to make sure Prim had everything.</p><p>She groaned and rolled out of bed, walking the short distance to her kitchen/bathroom to make coffee. Leaning against the counter with a steaming mug, she pulled her phone out to see texts from both Gale and Jo. She had talked to them both earlier, hoping to solicit some honest and real advice on Peeta.</p><p>
  <em>Jo: He sounds hot af! You better tap that and then give me deets. Don't be a pussy, brainless!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Gale: You're probably overthinking Catnip. You ALWAYS do. </em>
</p><p>She sighed. Jo's response didn't really surprise her, she was never the type to wax sentimental and honestly believed all problems could be resolved with sex. Gale's rang more true. She did always overthink things, almost to a point of blinding herself to the obvious. If this was the case, then the most obvious answer was that Peeta was just a nice guy who was also very attractive, and Katniss was lonely, so she was seeing more into it than was really there. She just needed to get out of her own head. She squared her shoulders resolutely. She was a grown woman. She wasn't some awkward teenager anymore. She had a life, albeit not an amazing life, that she had worked hard to build. She had nothing to feel insecure about.</p><hr/><p>She was twenty minutes late. In all of her earlier bravado, she still stood in the doorway of her closet unsure of what exactly to wear. Was this just a business meeting? Was this sort of like a date? Should she just wear her casual everyday clothes or make a little more effort? In the end, she chose the 'more effort' route and then scoffed at her reflection in the mirror. She threw on a pair of skinny jeans, one of her favorite dark gray t-shirts, and her most comfortable boots. She pulled her hair into its normal braid and at the last minute decided to add some mascara and nude lip gloss, although she rolled her eyes at herself as she did it.</p><p>Peeta was waiting outside District 12's front door when she pulled up. He leaned idly against the brick wall, a black messenger bag at his feet and a notebook and pencil in his hands. His hand moved quickly over the page and his brow furrowed in concentration. He didn't hear her get out of her car or approach and she took a second to watch him. Even with the concentration visible on his face, he looked at peace, a small smile on his lips and light in his eyes. She cleared her throat and his head shot up, the smile growing large and bright. She couldn't help but smile back and hoped that it didn't come off looking as strained as it felt.</p><p>"I'm sorry I'm late. There was…traffic," she lied.</p><p>He cocked his head slightly to the side as if he didn't believe her, but let it go, the smile never disappearing. "I didn't mind and you're not really that late anyway. Sometimes it's nice to get a couple minutes to yourself that you're not expecting."</p><p>Her eyes shifted to the notebook in his hands, but he closed it quickly before she is able to see what he had been working on and stuffed it in his bag. She unlocked the door and they both entered the dark empty bar. She always thought it looked so strange empty, all the chairs and barstools flipped upside down on the tables, their footsteps echoing off the walls. Standing in the space without all the chatter and noise and bodies made her feel small and intensely alone. She shivered. Peeta's hand touched her shoulder gently sending a wave of warmth through her.</p><p>"Are you cold?" he asked.</p><p>She shook her head ducking away from his touch as she headed towards the kitchen. "So, you ready to show me this amazing menu?" she called back to him.</p><p>"I don't know about amazing, but I'll do my best. I hope you brought your appetite."</p><p>She smirked. "I always bring my appetite. Food and I have a very close relationship. Don't let his small body fool you. I can eat with the best of them."</p><p>He shook his head and laughed, his hand coming up to scratch the back of his neck. "Challenge accepted," he said with a wink.</p><p>He set to work and soon the kitchen was filled with the most delicious smells. Katniss' mouth watered, and her stomach grumbled its consent. In all of the preparation and worry, she had forgotten to eat anything and now she was absolutely starving. She was perched on the edge of a butcher block table located in the back of the kitchen, nursing a cold beer and watching Peeta work. He had removed the dark blue button down he had arrived in and replaced it with a black chef's jacket that had the sleeves rolled up to the elbows. He chattered on while he cooked, talking about ingredients and farm markets and cooking techniques. She nodded her head trying desperately to pay attention but failing miserably. The amount of energy he put into his cooking and the heat of the kitchen had caused him to begin to sweat and she watched with rapt attention as a bead of sweat slid behind his ear and over the tendons of his neck to his back. The ends of his hair curled with the heat and the moisture and she had a sudden, overwhelming desire to run her hands through it. She clenched the table with her free hand to counteract this, all the while mentally reprimanding herself for feeling this way. What was it about him that made her react like this?</p><p>He had continued speaking, oblivious to her open gawking and she realized that he must have asked her a question because he had turned towards her, hands still in a bowl of greens, with gentle, friendly eyes awaiting an answer. Shit. She had stopped paying attention to his words at least five minutes ago and had no clue what he had asked.</p><p>"I'm…um…I'm sorry?" she stuttered, lifting the beer to her lips in an attempt to cover her embarrassment.</p><p>"I was just curious if you still spent any time with anyone from school."</p><p>"Just Gale."</p><p>"Oh," he said with a quick nod of his head like he was agreeing with some question she wasn't aware of. His eyes returned to his work and he was quiet again. She didn't understand the change in his behavior and desperately searched for something to say to elevate the tension that had replaced their relaxed conversation.</p><p>"Well, I also spend time…"</p><p>"I'm sorry, I didn't mean…"</p><p>They spoke over each other then stopped. A laugh escaped her lips and the easy smile returned to his. He nodded in her direction letting her start again.</p><p>"I was just going to say that I also spend time with Madge still too. It's almost hard not to if I want to see Gale nowadays." He looked up from the workstation, eyebrows raised in question. "Oh! They got married in September. I thought you knew! Your brother, Rye, was at the ceremony."</p><p>Peeta's eyes dropped back down to his work again and he shook his head. "No. I…I haven't spoken to Rye in…in a while."</p><p>There was a story here that she was missing. The Mellark brothers had always seemed close, so for Peeta to say he hadn't spoken to his brother meant that something had happened. She was curious but didn't want to pry into things that had nothing to do with her. Now that she thought about it, Peeta and his oldest brother hadn't been at the wedding even though his parents and Rye were there. Since Madge was the Mayor's daughter, the entire town had been invited. Katniss hadn't noticed Peeta's absence at the time, but he had moved away very soon after graduation, so it wasn't all that unusual that he wouldn't have been in attendance. However, it was odd that he was completely in the dark about Gale and Madge being married or together at all.</p><p>She sipped her beer again, clearing her throat and searching for something to say to change the topic. She was horrible at saying things and wished she could erase the last ten minutes of time away. They had been having a surprisingly good time. Peeta was a born conversationalist and she found herself answering most of his questions with ease and being interested in what he had to say, when she wasn't ogling him, of course. It wasn't really a surprise to her when he was the one who broke the awkward silence by carrying a tray full of plates to the table and stating, with a wink, "Who's hungry?"</p><p>Peeta had made an assortment of dishes. He wasn't kidding about bringing a big appetite. There was a burger and several different types of sandwiches, short ribs, different types of salads, cooked vegetables in light tempura batter, fish dishes and pasta dishes. He motioned for her to eat and turned to head back to the workstation.</p><p>"Wait! Aren't you going to eat too?" she asked, her hand coming up to cover her mouth full of food.</p><p>"I will. I just have to put the finishing touches on these desserts."</p><p>Desserts too?! She didn't know how she was going to eat everything that was laid out for her, but whatever he was working on smelled heavenly and she wanted to make sure she had room to at least taste it. Overwhelmed by the choices, the smells and the plating, she decided to try a small sample of everything rather than trying to eat each plate in its entirety. Peeta rejoined her and he nibbled at some of the dishes while watching her as she ate. She moaned almost comically when she bit into his grilled cheese sandwich. She had never tasted anything like it. There was a type of cheese she hadn't tasted before and some sort of bacon sauce and maybe…basil? She loved cheese. She remembered visiting the Mellark bakery as a kid with her dad and he would get cheese buns to take home for dinner. They were her favorite, until she tasted this grilled cheese.</p><p>She looked up, embarrassed by her vocal approval of the food, but Peeta was staring at her with a look of pure awe and amazement on his face. His cheeks were a little pink and she didn't know if that was due to the heat or something else.</p><p>"This," she said waving the sandwich in her hand, "is amazing. Is this bacon and basil?"</p><p>His cheeks grew a dark shade of red at the compliment. "Yes, it's bacon jam and basil. There's also monterey jack and gruyere cheese."</p><p>"Amazing. Truly, Peeta, everything here is so good. People will absolutely love it. I say yes to everything. I'll have to talk to Haymitch and see if we can maybe think up a few new cocktails that we can pair with some of the dishes too."</p><p>"Don't forget dessert," he said while moving to retrieve the dishes. "There's only two, but I figured that there didn't need to be a huge dessert list for a pub atmosphere."</p><p>He placed a warm bread pudding filled with apples, bourbon and caramel on the table, also adding a chocolate cake made with 12 thin layers that had chocolate mousse in between and fudge icing dripping from the top. Katniss felt herself starting to tear up a little at all of this wonderful food, the desserts in particular. There was a time not too long ago when she and Prim existed on bologna sandwiches and boxed mac and cheese. Haymitch worked long hours when both girls were young and Katniss, being barely old enough to cook, picked things to make that were simple and cheap to buy. So, seeing this rich, decadent food made with such skill and obvious care, overwhelmed her nearly to tears. She sucked these tears back. People don't see her cry. She hadn't cried in years.</p><p>The desserts tasted as good as they looked, and she leaned back in her chair, a satisfied smile on her face, once she's finished. Peeta rose and began clearing the dishes and cleaning, shooing her away when she tried to help. She watched him as he moved methodically from station to station, rinsing the dishes and placing them in the industrial washer. She'd never met a man like him before and she felt as drawn to his presence as she did when she was a teenager. She assumed back then that everyone felt that way about Peeta, and maybe they did. He just had that way about him but sitting in the kitchen watching him finish his work, she wondered if maybe the insistent pull she feels towards him might not be just because he has that effect on people. Maybe, this feeling was meant only for her. Maybe he felt something similar towards her too.</p><p>She shook her head, scolding herself for her ridiculous thoughts. He couldn't possibly think that way about her. He probably has some incredibly beautiful girlfriend or fiancée, like all of the girls that used to hang on him in school. A girl who loves his cooking and fuels his ambitions. A girl that jumps into his strong arms when she sees him and runs her fingers through his unruly hair, placing gentle kisses along his strong jaw then claiming those pink lips. They probably make love to each other, holding on desperately in the night, and wake up in the morning happy, content and so in love. A sigh escaped her lips. <em>Stop it Katniss</em> she thought. She knew she was just lonely. That's all it was. She thought that maybe should get a cat.</p><p>"So, I'll get the menu completely nailed down and drop it off at Haymitch's on Thursday," Peeta said, picking up his messenger bag and startling her out of her reverie.</p><p>Nodding in agreement, she checked the time on her phone. Only 9:30PM. She didn't feel like going back to her empty apartment just yet, but it was a Tuesday night, what else was there to do? Maybe she could call Jo and see if she wanted to come over and watch a movie with her. No, that wouldn't work. Jo, left to visit her family yesterday. This renovation had given all of the servers and bartenders more downtime then they were used to, and Johanna was one of the best bartenders around.</p><p>"Well, um…ok, then. Thank you again for the wonderful food," she said, stuffing the phone into her back pocket and leading the way out of the kitchen to the front door. Peeta followed her out onto the sidewalk and waited as she locked the door. He shifted anxiously beside her. She could almost see the wheels turning behind his eyes as he debated with himself over what to say next.</p><p>"Would you like to go someplace with me," he asked in a breathless rush.</p><p>"Yes," she replied immediately.</p><hr/><p>His black Jeep pulled into an overgrown dirt pathway, the headlights shining on an old rusty mailbox labeled "Trinket." They had been riding in companionable silence for nearly a half an hour, but the curiosity was overwhelming her, and she couldn't help it when she asked, "Where are we going?"</p><p>"My favorite place. I haven't been here since I was a kid. This land belongs to my mother's family. Trinket is my aunt's married name. She lived here until her husband died. She still owns the property though and she wouldn't mind if we visited."</p><p>Katniss raised her eyebrows skeptically. She knew about Peeta's mother, or at least what the rumors had told her. All three of the Mellark boys had been prone to showing up to school with black eyes, bruises and scars. These could and would be easily explained away by their mother who told people that the boys played too rough or that working in a bakery meant you got the occasional burn scar. All of these things had the probability of being true and no one ever questioned her, but whispered rumors were still murmured about how she ruled her home with an iron fist and was never afraid to bring that fist down on one of her sons.</p><p>Peeta smiled at her expression, a throaty chuckle escaping. "Trust me, Katniss. She wouldn't mind. She would welcome it probably. I bet no one has even been out here since she left."</p><p>"I trust you." The words had left her without hesitation and she clamped her mouth closed. She barely knew him, but just being with him made her feel safer than she had felt in so long. He steered the Jeep down the bumpy path, past a shuttered, forgotten two story white house with a wraparound porch, past an old clapboard work shed and into the trees. She rolled the window down letting the smell of the woods envelope her. She hadn't visited the woods much, not since her parents died. It was the special place her father took her. Where he taught her about silence, stealth and patience. Beneath the canopy of leaves she felt like she could breathe again, and she did, taking in a deep, cleansing breath and letting it out slowly. She closed her eyes, blocking out everything, all of the pain and the loneliness, all of the mistakes she has made and everything she has given up or lost. It all disappeared until there was nothing left but her and the trees.</p><p>The Jeep rolled to a slow stop and she opened her eyes. They were parked on the bank of a beautiful lake. The water rippled and shimmered in the moonlight. Without thinking, she opened the car door and stepped out onto the soft ground. She found some large, flat rocks near the water's edge and sat down. Peeta joined her. They were silent for a while, enjoying the warm summer air, the water's sparkling surface and the closeness of each other.</p><p>"This is…I don't even have words to describe it. Thank you, Peeta," she whispered.</p><p>She turned to look at him and he was watching her so carefully, studying her almost and she could tell he was paying attention to everything. He saw all of the little details, all the flaws and imperfections. It would be unnerving if it were someone else, but strangely, with him it had the opposite effect. It calmed her and grounded her to the moment.</p><p>"Beautiful," he murmured before catching himself and turning away.</p><p>Even in the darkness, she could see the color flooding his light skin.</p><p>"I remember," he began, staring out at the lake, "the first time I saw you. Your hair was in two braids instead of one and you were wearing this red plaid dress. You stuck out to me because you didn't look like anyone in my family. We were all blonde with blue eyes and fair skin and you were dark in the loveliest way. I remember you looked right at me and even at that young age, I was transfixed by your eyes. I had never seen that color before. Then, you sang, and I was sure you were an angel. I ran home to tell my parents and my brothers that I had seen an angel and they laughed at me. My mother, she…punished me for making up stories and lying."</p><p>He paused, turning to look at her. His eyes shone with emotion and sheepishness. "I hope you don't think I'm creepy. I just needed to tell you that I remember you. You are the first thing I remember seeing and being struck by its beauty and I wanted to share this," he gestured to the lake, "with you because it's beautiful too."</p><p>She didn't know what to say. She wanted to protest and tell him she wasn't beautiful, but doing that would ruin this moment, ruin the truth that he had just laid bare to her. The only thing she could think to say was, "Thank you." She was thankful for the moment, thankful for the spectacular lake and the drive through the trees, thankful for the serenity he offered and for making her feel as beautiful as his description.</p><p>With a deep sigh, he rose to his feet, reaching out a hand to her. "We should probably go." She nodded in agreement, reached for his hand and gasped at the spark of electricity that coursed through her at his touch. Walking back to the Jeep with her hand clasped firmly in his, she had the sudden urge to grab him and pull his lips to hers. To take him back to her small apartment and have her way with him, only to dismiss him in the morning like she always did. But, underneath that urge she felt another desire growing, a deeper and more meaningful longing. She wanted to do something she hadn't done before. She wanted to take her time and watch and wait. She wanted to see how this unfolded. She wanted to feel the longing, the want to have him until it set her on fire. And, then, if he felt it too, they could burn together and maybe light up each other's worlds.</p>
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<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Lost and Found</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <em>Peeta</em>
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</p><p>The noises of a kitchen were soothing. The clanging of pots and pans, the voices, the rhythmic chopping of knives. He'd always felt strangely calm in a kitchen, even when they were deep in the weeds and the sweat was pouring off of him from concentration and exertion. He was born into a kitchen though and it was all he'd ever known. Maybe a kitchen reminded him of home. That feeling was no different for him on the night that District 12 reopened. The line to get in stretched around the building. People were excited to try the new dining experience and to taste the food of their own local chef.</p><p>The kitchen was a frantic swirl of motion. They were in the weeds, very deep in the weeds, but that wasn't all that surprising. The kitchen was new, the staff were new, and everyone was filled with first night jitters. Servers were yelling complaints about returned dishes. Thresh, his sous chef, barked orders down the line. The cooks mumbled their assent with eyes down focusing on the tasks at hand. Peeta looked at the downtrodden faces. They had all wanted to make a spectacular splash on their opening night and customer complaints were slowly eating away at the earlier enthusiasm. He spied Katniss, standing against the wall behind the other servers waiting for her dishes and chewing on her bottom lip. Her eyes darted around the kitchen nervously. He had to do something. He needed to pull this together. This was his kitchen now, his responsibility.</p><p>"Alright," he said loudly, clapping his hands together to get everyone's attention, "we've got this. The night is still early. Yes, a couple dishes have come back, but you were each hired because you are skilled and talented. Don't let a few mistakes get to your head. Mistakes happen. You can do this. We can do this. Now, let's get it together and make this the best fucking dining experience this town has ever seen!"</p><p>He clapped his hands again, sneaking a look over at Katniss. A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth making her face light up in the most beautiful way. She carried a worried expression or scowl more often than not and seeing her smile, and knowing that he put that smile there, sent a thrill through him. He hurriedly made a few adjustments with the staff and food preparation and then returned to help expedite the orders out of the kitchen. Katniss made her way towards him and grabbed her finished dishes. A tendril of hair had worked its way out of her braid and fell gently across the side of her face. He yearned to touch it and tuck it behind her ear, gently brushing her cheek. Instead, he ducked his head slightly and let go of the plates watching her walk from the kitchen.</p><p>Meeting her again didn't go exactly like he had hoped. He had wanted to seem more confident, well-spoken, funny and charming instead of the terrified, nervous mess he had ended up being. He had talked too much and stared at her too long and then, at the lake he had told her that story of when he first saw her. It had probably been confusing for her. It was confusing for him. The truth was, they hardly knew each other, but he had wished every day since he first met her that he could really know Katniss Everdeen. He'd had some sunny, idealistic picture in his head of how seeing her again would go. He would walk into District 12 and instantly charm her with his wit, his words and his food. She would be as head over heels as he was. Who was he kidding? He knew better. Life wasn't like that. It had twists and turns and unthinkable horrors and, sometimes, if you're lucky, unimaginable bliss. He hadn't found the bliss yet for himself, but he had heard others talk about it. So, he kept hope hidden away in his heart that one day he would find it too.</p><hr/><p>There was a time, although it seemed like forever ago to him now, when happiness was all that he knew. He was a chubby, joyful boy living in a house filled with sugar, flour, butter and chocolate. He would climb up on his father's lap and place his small hands on his father's large, warm ones, closing his eyes to memorize the feel and movements as his father would knead bread. If he closed his eyes now, he still felt it. Around his fifth birthday, the sounds of laughter and running and little boys playing together on the living room floor were replaced with silence and whispers and fear. He didn't remember why it changed, only that the air in the house became thick and pain became an intimate companion.</p><p>The first time his mother struck him, he had been with his middle brother, Rye, and they had gotten too rambunctious, giggling and playing with their toy cars on the bedroom floor. His mother had been napping and they must have awoken her because she stormed into the room, grabbed him by his arm, twisting it painfully behind his back and smacked him open palmed across his face. The force of the blow left him with a bloodied, swollen lip for nearly a week. As the years progressed, she learned how to intensify and perfect the beatings, both verbal and physical, and he learned what to do to incur the least amount of her wrath as possible.</p><p>He quickly figured how to compartmentalize his life; the kind of person to be for his mother, for his friends and for people in his professional life. They all required a different version of him and he found that he could migrate between the versions easily. He knew how to be quiet and hidden for his mother, how to be loud, charming and funny for his friends, and how to be aggressive and driven professionally. Each version held pieces of him, but never the entirety of the person he felt like inside, the person he truly wanted to be, the person he had always wanted to show Katniss.</p><p>He had her number and he could call or text her, but he didn't. She had been so quiet on their drive back from the lake. He had been self-conscious about sharing the story of how he first saw her, a story he hadn't planned on sharing, so he was silent too. When he dropped her back off at her car, she'd hesitated for just a moment, looking at him and opening her mouth to speak, but then she'd only smiled, thanked him again and left. He'd driven back home with his mother's voice ringing in his head calling him "pathetic" and "weak," growing more agitated by the minute. This wasn't who he was anymore.</p><p>He'd spent years working on himself, building his self-confidence, finding things he loved to do and excelling at them, creating and expressing himself like he'd never been able to before. That was, of course, until he'd walked into that bar and saw her face again, those stormy eyes staring straight through him. In that moment, all of the years of work and the life he had struggled and fought to create for himself were gone. He had looked at her and forgotten how to breathe. He'd struggled to keep up with the things Haymitch had been saying and stayed in the kitchen an hour longer than he'd needed too just so he could wrap his mind around everything. Somehow, he had managed to pull it together, at least he could breathe easier knowing that she had liked the food and that the menu would hopefully be a success.</p><hr/><p>Haymitch had given him a lot of freedom in setting up the kitchen and hiring staff. Peeta knew exactly who he'd need to make sure the kitchen ran like a well-oiled machine; Thresh. He had met Thresh three years ago when they both worked at The Seam, an up and coming restaurant in New Orleans. Thresh was reserved and quiet outside of the kitchen, but inside, he had a presence that commanded respect and he always got the best out of the people around him. He was also an exceptionally good chef and someone Peeta could call a friend. He'd really needed a friend. Being back home was emotionally draining on him and even though Thresh was never one for words, just being around him had put Peeta at ease.</p><p>He still dreamed of New Orleans; the music, the people, the food, the fragrant flowers in the courtyard behind his Aunt Effie's double gallery house. The sun setting in Jackson Square. On extremely lucky nights, those beautiful images and sounds would carry him through until morning and he would wake up to a room bathed in sunlight. Those were not typical dreams and he held them close to his heart, like surprise gifts from an old, dear friend. On most nights, he'd close his eyes dreading what would come; the feel of the road rushing up to meet him, blood on his hands and under his fingernails, his shoe lying in a field far ahead of him, the blinding glare of flashing lights, the wail of sirens, the sound of his voice screaming for help. He would jolt awake to a dark room on nights like this, covered in cold sweat as hot tears streaked down his cheeks.</p><hr/><p>"Hey, Blondie! Come out with us!" Johanna yelled into the kitchen from where she stood behind the empty bar.</p><p>Peeta smiled. She had taken to calling him Blondie, but she'd seemed to have a nickname for all of the people that she liked, so he took it as a compliment. It was just after midnight. The restaurant had closed for the night over an hour ago and he had let everyone go home, finishing the prep for the next day himself. They were all exhausted, but triumphant. Despite the rocky start, they had pulled off a great first night service.</p><p>"Oh, Blondie," Johanna's singsong voice floated through the kitchen.</p><p>She stood in the door with an impish smile on her face and a glint in her eye. She was petite, but athletically built with short, spikey hair and wide eyes. She ran her bar with authority and the customers loved her snarky attitude. She would take absolutely no shit from anyone and Peeta liked that about her. She walked up behind him and he felt her fingers dancing across his back until they found purchase on his shoulders. She stood on her tiptoes and leaned into his ear.</p><p>"The night is young and so are we. Come out with us! All work and no play makes Peeta a dull boy."</p><p>"Okay," he chuckled, shaking his head. "But, don't even think about trying to get me drunk and taking advantage of me."</p><p>He turned his head towards her, raising his eyebrow, a smirk ghosted across his lips. She threw back her head and laughed loudly, coming around him and hopping up to sit on the workstation. She pulled one of his curls, letting it spring back into shape against the side of his head.</p><p>"Oh, don't worry, Blondie. You're not my type," she said, giving his crotch a pointed look and winking. "I like them with a lot less dick and a lot more tits." She waggled her eyebrows at him. "Besides, you definitely couldn't handle me."</p><p>This time it was his turn to laugh. "Oh, don't be so sure," he said, eyes glinting mischievously. "I could make a convert out of you yet."</p><p>She hopped down from the counter, swatting his ass as she headed out into the dining room. "You wouldn't be the first one to try. Now, come on and let's get the fuck out of here!"</p><p>Shouts and applause of approval from the group waiting in the dining room rang through the air. He quickly put away the last of the prep, finished cleaning and pulled off his chef's jacket and sweaty undershirt, thankful that he had thought to put an extra shirt and deodorant in his bag before coming in. He pulled the fresh shirt over his head and headed out the front door.</p><hr/><p>He was lost. He had grown up in this town and he still didn't have any idea where he was. Johanna had handed him a crudely drawn map on a cocktail napkin with directions printed on the back and then he watched as everyone had gotten into their cars and driven off. He had wondered just exactly where they would be "going out" to because as far as he knew the only bar in town was District 12. His car moved at a crawl down the dark country road. He cursed under his breath and wondered why in the hell these roads never had streetlights when he finally found the lane described in Jo's hastily written directions.</p><p>The well-worn grassy lane opened up to a large field. A bonfire burned near the center with cars and trucks circled around it. As Peeta approached, he scanned the field for any sign of a house and saw nothing but trees. As soon as he stepped out of his Jeep, he was nearly knocked to the ground as Jo's body sailed through the air towards him. He caught her easily and she locked her legs around his waist, handing him a plastic cup half filled with beer.</p><p>"You made it!" She exclaimed. "We thought we may have had lost you to the deep, dark back roads."</p><p>"You almost did," he chuckled. "Where are we anyway?"</p><p>"This, my dear, sweet, blonde friend is a field," she smirked. He rolled his eyes laughing and helped her back down to the ground. "This property is owned by somebody famous," she said conspiratorially, "but don't worry, I've made a few friends and we're allowed to be here. This is where all the misfits and weirdos hang out. So, what do you say? Care to join the party?"</p><p>She held out her hand and he accepted it, letting her weave him through the parked cars to the crowd gathered around the bonfire. Someone had music blaring out of their car speakers and people moved around him laughing, dancing and drinking. Johanna introduced him to some people and others that worked at District 12 waved in his direction. He saw Thresh and a couple members of his kitchen staff. He lifted the beer in his hands to his lips. The amber liquid sat on his tongue and he savored the taste. He hadn't had a beer since New Orleans. He hadn't had a lot of things since then.</p><p>He followed the sound of laughter and saw Katniss with her head thrown back, clutching her sides. He felt his stomach flop. She was so beautiful when she laughed. She was perched in a lawn chair next to Gale Hawthorne.</p><p>Great.</p><p>He and Gale had never really been friends. Gale was a couple years older and in the same class as his brother, Rye, and they clashed like oil and water. It didn't really surprise Peeta. Rye could be sarcastic and abrasive and if you didn't understand him or his sense of humor it had the effect of rubbing people the wrong way. There was a distinct possibility that Gale thought Peeta was similar, especially when Peeta saw the annoyed expression that briefly flashed across Gale's face as he approached them.</p><p>"Peeta! Oh my god!" Madge jumped out of her seat next to Gale and rushed towards him, throwing her arms around his neck. They had been friends in school and since his father was a prominent business owner and her father was the mayor, they had grown up together. It had been years since he'd seen her last, but she still looked the same as he remembered, all elegant beauty and blonde curls. Actually, he thought she had looked better than his memory. Marriage suited her. She had a stunned expression on her face, but her eyes flashed the briefest glimpse of pain as she looked him over.</p><p>"You look really great, Peeta," she said as she cupped his face gently in her hands. "I didn't know what to expect when I heard, especially after what happened to –" She stopped abruptly, wincing slightly and clearing her throat. Panicked, he chanced a side glance at Katniss, but she didn't seem to catch on to what Madge had said.</p><p>"You look pretty amazing yourself," he said, desperate to change the subject. "I hear that congratulations are in order!"</p><p>She smiled widely at him and it lit up her entire face. "Thank you! I wish you could have been there. It wasn't the same without you and I was really hoping you would be able to make the cake, but your dad did a beautiful job."</p><p>He turned and held his hand out in greeting to Gale and caught Katniss' eye with a shy smile. Madge pulled him down into the seat beside Katniss all but commanding him to sit with them. Gale shifted uncomfortably in his chair giving Madge a pointed look which she returned unfazed while mouthing "Don't be an asshole."</p><p>"So…Peeta, what have you been up to?" Gale asked while still glaring at Madge. "How's that dickhead brother of yours?"</p><p>Madge tried unsuccessfully to discreetly elbow him in the side while faking a cough, but Katniss saw the exchange. Peeta watched as her eyes narrowed and her head turned between his and Gale's faces. Her hand flexed around the cup she was holding. A scowl replaced the toothy grin he had seen on her just moments before. He panicked. His brain reeled trying to figure out a way to break the sudden tension and change the subject. He couldn't believe Gale had brought up his brother because if Madge knew what had happened then Gale surely did too.</p><p>Luckily, Johanna's sense timing was impeccable. She sidled up to the group completely ignorant of the growing discomfort and sat on Gale's lap with her legs thrown across Madge's thighs. She laid her head on his chest and gave him her best woeful, doe-eyed expression.</p><p>"When are you going to let me have a chance with your beautiful bride?" She crooned and winked at him. "I'd even be willing to let you watch."</p><p>He immediately perked up, giving Madge a sidelong glance. She threw back her head in laughter. "Keep dreaming, buddy," she said while playfully tickling Gale's side and then as an afterthought and with a devious glint in her eye, she leaned and kissed Johanna full on the lips.</p><p>Katniss' jaw dropped open and Gale sat there stunned with a cheesy smile spreading across his face. People in the crowd whooped and cheered. Peeta chuckled into his beer as he drank another bitter mouthful. Madge pulled back from Johanna's lips and everyone around them broke out in applause. Johanna jumped to her feet dragging Madge with her and pulled her into a friendly hug. The two women laughed lightheartedly, and Johanna kissed Madge on the cheek before pumping her fist in the air in mock celebration. Madge caught Peeta's eye behind Johanna's back and quickly gave him a knowing look. It was then that he realized that she planted the kiss and caused the commotion for him. Relief flooded over him. The previous conversation had all been forgotten now. He relaxed back into his chair bringing his cup back up to his lips and made a mental note to thank Madge later.</p><hr/><p>The beat of the music and the cacophony of noise from the party still played in his head as he drove away from the hidden field. His hands had a white-knuckle grip on the steering wheel. He had only had three beers, but it had been a while since he had consumed any alcohol, so those beers were enough to lower his guard and fill his body with a pleasantly numb sensation. He had to pay attention to the road. Adrenaline course through his veins. His heart pounded in his chest. He cursed under his breath and flexed his fingers reminding himself that he wasn't drunk, and he could drive.</p><p>A quiet snore drifted over from his right. Katniss was slumped in the passenger seat, her cheek pressed against the glass of the window, her eyes closed, small wisps of air escaped her closed lips. Madge and Johanna had pled with Peeta to drive her home when it was obvious that she shouldn't be driving herself. Gale had lifted her up and carried her to Peeta's Jeep when she had refused and tried to get behind the wheel of her own car. That was how he found himself navigating the desolate small-town roads to Katniss Everdeen's apartment at 4AM.</p><p>He pulled up behind a brick building two blocks from his family's bakery. The building used to belong to hair salon but was now a Chinese take-out restaurant. The neon sign in the storefront glowed <em>Capitol Takeout</em> onto the sidewalk and street. There were several windows located on the second and third floor that he assumed must belong to apartments. After a few minutes of searching he found a large metal door on the side of the building with faded, peeling stickers labeled "Resident." He sighed and rubbed his eyes. The edges of sleep were starting to close in on him. It had been a long stressful day followed by an eventful night. He didn't know how he was still functioning. With the combination of alcohol and exhaustion, he knew he shouldn't drive home. He decided to sleep in his car although he knew that would be severely uncomfortable and a decision he would regret as he was standing in the kitchen again that evening. But, first, he needed to get Katniss up to her apartment.</p><p>He whispered her name and gently shook her shoulder, but she didn't move. Speaking louder, he said her name again and brushed the stray locks of hair from her face. She made a muffled sound in the back of her throat and leaned into his hand. She cracked an eyelid, looking at him through a sleep and alcohol induced fog. The corners of her mouth lifted slightly in a smile.</p><p>"Hey," she croaked, her voice thick with sleep.</p><p>"Hey. You're home. We need to get you upstairs."</p><p>She nodded and pulled her body upright weaving slightly. Peeta reached his hand out to steady her and then made the decision that she wasn't in any shape to walk. Exiting the car, he made his way around to the passenger side and easily lifted her into his arms. Even though she was slim, the extra weight coupled with the long hours on his feet had his left knee aching. He would need to wear his brace tomorrow. He briefly wondered if anyone would be able to tell he had it on under his work pants. It didn't matter. He'd never make it through the day without it. So be it if anyone noticed. He would lie if he had to and say it was from an old sports injury. No one would question that.</p><p>He willed his tired, aching body forward, through the labeled metal door and up a flight of narrow wooden stairs. He paused at the top and looked down at Katniss waiting for her instructions. Her eyes were shut but he could tell she wasn't sleeping. She pointed down the dimly lit corridor. "Thirteen," she muttered. As he carried her towards the door at the far end of the hall, she reached into the back pocket of her jeans pulling out a set of keys. He deposited her gently on her feet, waiting by the door to make sure she made it inside safely before he returned to his car. She fumbled with the keys finally unlocking the door after a few unsuccessful attempts. She wondered inside leaving the door hanging open. He hesitated unsure whether to close the door for her or leave it open in case she returned to close it herself. Ultimately, he decided to just close the door. She probably didn't realize she had left it open. He stepped inside her apartment reaching for the door handle when he heard her voice from somewhere deeper inside.</p><p>"Are you coming or not?"</p><p>He stopped dead in his tracks, his fingers still wrapped around the brass knob of the door. His brain was too foggy to figure out a reply. His heart had suddenly started to hammer in his chest.</p><p>"Peeta, shut the door and come on," her muffled voice said.</p><p>Too perplexed by what was happening and too tired – and honestly still buzzed from the beer - to argue, he softly closed the door and ventured into the apartment. He stood in the small but tidy kitchen with its short countertop and compact appliances waiting for his eyes to adjust to the darkness. He heard Katniss sigh heavily and followed the sound into a slightly larger room with an open doorway on his right. The larger room had a worn loveseat, a comfortable looking overstuffed chair and a bookcase with a small TV resting on top. He assumed the doorway to the right must be the bedroom. His palms started to sweat.</p><p>His eyes had fully adjusted to the darkness by the time he made it to the bedroom doorway. They followed the trail of discarded clothing until they landed on Katniss' topless form. She was on her back, clothed only in her panties, with her legs dangling over the side of the bed and her elbows propped up behind her to support her upper body. Her head snapped up at his arrival, her eyes finding his. Her dark tresses, free from their normal braid, cascaded down her back. She sat up on the bed and he tried not to look, tried to preserve some modesty for her but he couldn't help himself. She was so beautiful, and he had thought of her like this so many times. He drank in the sight of her. Her small but perfectly shaped breasts. The tautness of her stomach. The curve of her hips. Her lean, muscular legs. He felt the lower half of him stir to life even though he knew this was wrong, knew she was drunk and knew he shouldn't be looking. She reached for him and the narrowness of the room allowed her fingertips to find the belt loops of his pants from the edge of the bed. She pulled him closer. A small voice in his head told him that he needed to stop this. This shouldn't happen, not like this. But, a louder much more insistent voice in his pants let her fingertips guide him until he was flush against her torso. Her hands traveled from his waist and up his chest and he couldn't hold back the sound of pleasure that escaped his throat at her touch. The hands found purchase on his shoulders pulling his face down to hers. Their lips were millimeters apart. His eyes fluttered closed. His hands trembled at his sides.</p><p>"Finally," she whispered. "I've been waiting for you."</p><p>Those words and the proximity of her body and the feel of her breath against his lips were all it took to crush his resolve. He claimed her mouth, her lips parting easily under his. The contact sent a jolt of electricity through him. He wondered if she could feel it too. He wove his fingers into her hair. She clawed at the hem of his faded t-shirt and they worked together to remove it, barely parting for air as they did. Her hands ran down the length of his back, leaving goosebumps in their wake, and settled on his hips. He felt her fumble with the button on his pants until she had it undone, and the zipper pulled down. She used her feet to guide the pants over his hips while simultaneously bringing him down on top of her until he was flush between her thighs. He could feel how warm and wet she was even through their underwear and he was so hard already that any contact help ease the growing ache and stiffness between his legs. Their mouths broke apart and he buried a moan in her neck bucking against her. She hissed her satisfaction, arching up to meet him. He trailed hot, wet kisses down her neck and across her chest, taking one hard nipple into his mouth and then the other. She cried out when he used his teeth to gently bite down and he couldn't help the smirk that appear on his face knowing that he had done this with Katniss Everdeen and that she had liked it.</p><p>He had fantasized about this moment for years never thinking it would actually be a reality, especially after he moved away. When he graduated high school, still never saying more than a handful of words to her, he figured that his chance to know her and be with her in this way were gone. And, yet, here he was, and he could barely believe it. He worked his way down to the band of her panties and the realization of just how far this was going to go gave him pause. He could barely hold a thought in his head. He was operating now completely on want and desire, but he still had the presence of mind to seek out her permission. He had never wanted to do anything that may hurt her and so he looked up meeting her hooded glaze and silently asked her what she wanted to do. She seemed to understand his question almost immediately because she sat up and took his face in her hands. They stared at each other for just a moment, their heavy breaths mingled in the darkness, before her lips descended on his. She kissed him fully and deeply without hesitation and in that moment, he knew her answer.</p><p>She pulled him onto the bed, pushing him on his back. She removed his shoes, socks and pulled his pants the rest of the way down his legs. Her hands then moved to his boxers. He pulled in a breath. He wasn't what anyone would call massive, but he was impressive enough and he still wanted her to like what she saw. He sprung free from the cotton confines as she added the boxers to the pile of clothes on the floor. He kept his eyes on hers as she shimmied out of her panties as well and smiled slightly when she hummed her approval at what she saw.</p><p>The smile disappeared when he felt her small hand grasp him fully. A moan escaped him as she ran her hands up and down his length. He felt the warm, moist heat of her mouth on him and it took nearly everything his had to keep his hips planted on the bed. She felt impossibly good. He'd needed to concentrate because listening to the quiet moans she emitted as she worked her mouth over him brought him closer and closer to the edge. He'd needed to think of anything other than what was happening but the only thing he could focus on was how desperately he wanted to be inside her.</p><p>She must have sensed his desperation or maybe, her desired equaled his, because in the next breath she was there, straddling his hips, poised to fully commit to this act. She hesitated, moving her hand up to brush a lock of hair from his forehead. He met her gaze. He could easily get lost is those brilliant silver orbs forever if she would let him. Before he had a chance to register another thought, she positioned him at her entrance and sank down on him fully. They sighed in unison. She was so unbelievably hot and wet and tight that he knew he wouldn't last very long. And, when she began to move on him it was all he could do just to hold on to her. She flattened her chest against his, grinding her hips in such a delicious rhythm that it had him gripping the sheets with one hand while the other clung to her ass. She murmured into his neck, her hands planted at either side of his head.</p><p>As she worked him faster, he could feel as her walls began to tighten around him and he fought to delay the orgasm he could feel building in himself. He was very close to the brink and knew that soon there would be no holding back. He felt her hot breaths tickle the hairs on the nape of his neck as she moved her mouth to his ear.</p><p>"Peeta," she whimpered. "Please."</p><p>He knew she was close now. He dropped the sheets still firmly in his grasp and moved his hand down to where they were joined. His fingers moved in tight circles on her center. She sighed her approval against his cheek before placing her hands on his chest and sitting up on him fully. He continued his ministrations until he felt her walls clamp down around him. He gripped her thigh. He was there too, and his mind scrambled desperately trying to decide what he should do, but before he could decide it was already too late. He fell over the edge with her, thrusting up into her until they were both spent.</p><p>They collapsed together on the bed. He ran his fingers through her hair as his heart rate slowed and his breathing returned to normal. It was in that moment that the panic began to set in. What had he done? He had never slept with someone unprotected before. He had gotten too carried away too quickly. To make matters worse he had finished inside her without asking if it was something she wanted him to do. He was mortified at his own inability to use his brain. The realization must have had dawned on her too because her once pliant body stiffened in his arms.</p><p>"Katniss…I…I'm sorry," he stammered. "I wasn't thinking, and it was all so intense, and I didn't mean…"</p><p>She silenced him with the touch of her fingers to his lips and then she planted a soft kiss to the side of his mouth before raising her head to meet his worried eyes. He could see the confusion and apprehension etched on her face. She seemed as stunned by what had happened as he was.</p><p>"It's ok," she said. "I'm on birth control and I trust you."</p><p>He could hear a nervous undertone to her words, but he had asked her to trust him and although he wasn't thinking of this scenario or of any kind of intimate relationship with her at the time, he was glad that she did. He watched as she removed herself from him and climbed off the bed. She grabbed a robe that was hanging from a door adjacent to the one he had used to enter the room, pulled it on, and turned to give him a shy smile before she exited the room. A light flickered on outside the bedroom bathing the small living room in its glow. He could just make out the smooth white tile of a bathroom floor before she disappeared inside and closed the door behind her.</p><p>He laid there for a moment, a chill settled on his skin without the warmth of her body heat. He brought his hands to his face and roughly scrubbed at his eyes. His mind raced through the events of the day and he felt completely and utterly drained. He'd never pictured the day ending up like this and now so many questions hung in the air. They were too daunting to contemplate in the wee hours of the morning that he found himself in, so he knew that for the time being he had to let them go. He sat up, pulled his clothes from the floor and began to get himself dressed. She emerged dressed in a t-shirt and cotton shorts just a few minutes later.</p><p>"You're welcome to use it if you need to," she said, pointing towards the bathroom.</p><p>He stood, clad only in boxers and pulled his shirt over his head. "No, it's ok I should probably, um…," he looked in the direction of her front door, "go?"</p><p>He phrased it as a question, his inflection nervously going up on the last word because he honestly didn't know what she wanted or what was happening between them. He wasn't bold enough to assume she wanted him to stay or that he'd had a right to stay, but there was a pull deep within his gut, a desire to crawl into the bed and wrap his arms around her, to cradle her against him until they were both asleep. He stood there awkwardly for a beat, watching as different emotions passed over her stormy eyes. He took her silence as an answer, picked up his pants, socks and shoes and moved towards the open doorway. Her slender fingers wrapped around his wrist. He stopped and turned to look at her, the expression on her face softened as she took his hand fully in hers.</p><p>"Stay."</p><p>That was all he needed to hear. He returned the clothing in his arms to the floor and let her lead him back to the bed. They crawled under the covers together, and, as if it was the most natural thing in the world, she laid her head on his chest. He felt the beat of his heart hitch for just a moment. He wrapped his arms around her and she squirmed even closer to him. She smelled of lavender and the trees. The scent was intoxicatingly soothing. He let that, the warmth of her body pressed against his and the rhythmic sounds of her breath lull him to sleep.</p>
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<a name="section0003"><h2>3. In All the Chaos</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
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    <em>Katniss</em>
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</p><p>It felt like the heat, the noise and the frantic movements would consume her. They buzzed in her head, drowning her. She welcomed it. There had been too many days of silence, too many days of overthinking, insecurities and nonsensical worries. The loneliness she had felt before was now replaced with a desire for something she never thought she wanted. Something she felt like she now needed to have, as essential to her as oxygen or water.</p><p>It had been nearly three weeks since she had spent the night with Peeta and in all the chaos of running a kitchen and working in a fully booked popular new restaurant, they had barely spoken. She had awoken that day tangled up in him. The delicious smell of his skin, like fragrant spices, and the warmth of his body around hers had lulled her into the most peaceful sleep she had experienced in months. She wasn't used to the feeling of not wanting to leave the bed, of not wanting him to go. They had gone to bed so late and slept so soundly that when they did wake up, at three in the afternoon, they had to rush out of her apartment in a panic in order to pick up her car and allow Peeta enough time to go home, shower and change before they had to be a District 12 again that evening. They had barely enough time to get out of her front door let alone time to discuss what had happened. They could've texted each other, but he had never initiated it and neither had she.</p><p>She didn't regret what had happened, although she'd wished it could've happened in a different way. She had wanted to take her time with him but watching him run the kitchen and then mingle and charm her friends at the party had lit a fire in her that couldn't be quelled. Sure, the alcohol had helped lower her inhibitions and quiet the voice in her head telling her to wait, but she had known what she was doing. The only communication they'd had since were stolen glances and brief work-related words when he expedited from the line in the kitchen.</p><p>That's where she found herself on a busy Friday night, lost in the commotion of the kitchen and the flex of Peeta's jaw as he yelled instructions and encouragements to his team. The couple at table two had each ordered The Brutus, their extremely popular and delicious short rib and brisket burger and had deemed it either overcooked or undercooked according to their preferences. The burgers were cooked to perfection and Katniss had struggled to keep the smile plastered on her face as she'd taken their plates back to the kitchen. As she had handed the plates to Peeta and he frowned examining both burgers, she told him they were cooked beautifully and to not throw them away, her shift was ending soon, and she would be back to eat them later. The smile that lit up his face was amazing, and she would gladly deal with difficult customers everyday just to see it again.</p><p>"I really need the plates back fast. Those people are going to be pissed and pissed customers means no money for me," she said to Thresh, Peeta's sous chef and second in command.</p><p>"I hate to say it Kat, but I think they're going to be pissy no matter what," he said, moving between the stations with ease as he re-plated the meals for her. "But, I'm a rock star, so you know this meal is going to be fucking delicious." He handed both plates to her with a wink and a smile.</p><p>"You're all rock stars!" She yelled over the noise as she made her way out of the kitchen smiling at the sound of whoops and hollers behind her.</p><p>The uncharacteristic smile stayed with her through the end of her shift. In fact, it had been gracing her face more and more lately and people had started to notice. Haymitch had raised his eyebrow at her more than once and she had quickly replaced the smile with her more notable scowl only to have the smile reappear again as soon as he wasn't looking. Prim had even commented about how talkative and upbeat she seemed during their last weekly Skype session. She couldn't help it. If she weren't so unacquainted with the emotion, she would almost say she was happy. And starving. Her stomach made rebellious noises as she made her way through the kitchen to the employee lockers near the back door. She grabbed her car keys and phone, already thinking about raiding the meager rations of her kitchen cupboards when she got home, when a soft breath tickled her earlobe.</p><p>"Don't forget these."</p><p>She spun around to find Peeta holding a styrofoam container with the uneaten burgers inside, a smile spread wide across his face. Damp curls stuck out from under his black beanie chef cap. His cheeks were flushed from the kitchen's heat. He looked magnificent. Snippets of her night with him flashed through her mind. The broadness of his bare shoulders and chest. The sensation of his hands on her. His face twisted in ecstasy. The feeling of him inside her. The breathy way her name spilled from his lips. She clenched her thighs together, trying to hide her fidgeting by taking the container from his outstretched hands. Their fingers brushed. She sucked in a deep breath, her teeth worrying her bottom lip.</p><p>"Peeta, I…" The words left her in a rush and then she didn't know how to begin. There were so many things she needs to say to him, but she was terrible with words and his proximity caused all her thoughts to jumble in her head.</p><p>His eyes softened as he seemed to realize her struggle. He reached out to her, his mouth opening to speak when a loud crash emanated from the kitchen followed by Thresh cursing under his breath and a line cook uttering apologies. Peeta turned his head from her to the scene unfolding behind him, torn between his desire and his obligation. She nodded her head towards the kitchen, silently telling him to go. A deep sigh escaped him, and they turned away from each other. As she exited the back door, already ridiculing herself for not saying something, anything, to him, she felt the familiar sensation of his fingers on her wrist. He turned her towards him and lowered his mouth to hers, stopping just as their lips began to graze. Her eyes had already shut in anticipation.</p><p>"Is this okay?" He whispered. His hands had already worked their way to the back of her head, his fingers winding into her hair, just waiting for her consent.</p><p>"Yes," she murmured before leaning into him and claiming his mouth with her own.</p><p>She hadn't meant for the kiss to get out of hand. Her intention was for something much more chaste since they had been out in the open, in full view of anyone who wandered by. What started as a simmering fire, a simple and sweet pressing of lips together turned into a raging inferno with bodies colliding, hot breathes, tongues and exploratory hands. Peeta pulled away first, resting his forehead against hers. She moved her hands to cup his face as they both tried to catch their breath. She deeply inhaled the scent of him. He smelled of sugar, cinnamon, nutmeg and dill, of sweat and the array of foods in the kitchen too. It wasn't overpowering. He seemed to carry it all in a perfect balance. It was intoxicating.</p><p>"I need to see you again," she spoke gently against his lips. She felt his head nod in agreement.</p><p>"We have a lot to talk about. And, if I'm being honest, I need to have you next to me in bed again. I need to have you on every surface of that apartment. If you'd allow it."</p><p>He pulled back with a sheepish grin tugging at the corners of his mouth, but she also saw the determination in his eyes and the fact that he meant every word he said.</p><p>"I'd allow it."</p><p>The grin disappeared from his face and his pupils nearly swallowed up the cobalt of his eyes. He grabbed her waist and pulled her flush against him. She could feel his growing excitement against her thigh. Luckily, it was covered by his apron. With a groan he placed a swift kiss to the tip of her nose and released her. He ran his hand over the back of his neck as he started back towards the rear entrance of the restaurant. He turned to look at her once more, a blush fully bloomed across his cheeks. She couldn't tell if it was from embarrassment or excitement, maybe both.</p><p>"I'm done early tonight," he said. "Thresh is manning the kitchen until close. I'm off at nine. Can I...? Would it be ok if…? Do you…?"</p><p>He stammered suddenly so unsure of himself. She didn't know what had caused the confidence he had displayed only a few seconds earlier to disappear. She had noticed that he sometimes did this in the kitchen too. He would appear confident one moment and then, as if someone had told him he was wrong, he would second guess himself, retreating into his thoughts and growing quiet. It was like he was at war with himself. She wished she had the words to tell him how amazing she thought he was, but nothing she thought to say seemed adequate enough.</p><p>"I'll see you at 9:30, then?" She asked.</p><p>He smiled and winked, the confidence seeming to reappear, and he vanished behind the kitchen door. She stood there dazed. She'd never felt this intensity so quickly with anyone else before and it scared her. It left her wary to move forward, but she ached for more of him in a way she couldn't explain and didn't fully understand. All she knew was that life felt better with him in it and she hadn't experienced that feeling in a very long time.</p><p>"I saw that," a voice called out.</p><p>She cringed and cursed under her breath. Haymitch leaned against the brick of District 12's exterior walls. He was in the alley between the restaurant and the building next door. Shadow had hidden him from sight, but he was close enough to the back of the building to have witnessed the entire exchange between Peeta and herself.</p><p>"You know, Sweetheart," he began as he pushed himself off of the wall and started toward her, "it does neither of us any good to have you fraternizing with the hired help."</p><p>"I am the hired help," she snapped and tried to cross by him to get to her car. His hand shot out and gently grabbed her bicep, stopping her in place. She could smell the liquor on his breath and knew from the way his speech slurred slightly at the ends and the minor wobble in his walk that he was already half in the bag. A drunk Haymitch didn't hold back, not that a sober Haymitch really did either but his criticism tended to sting less with sobriety.</p><p>"Now, now, no need to get testy. You and I both remember how this ended the last time. Or, have you forgotten already? Maybe I can show you the receipt I have from the repair work to fix the front window? Would that jog your memory? I don't need the boy losing his shit like the last one did and wrecking my bar. What was his name again?"</p><p>She groaned and threw Haymitch a look of disgust. He knew damn well the guy's name was Cato, and he had yet to let her live down the fact that Cato tossed a bar stool through the front window of the restaurant after Katniss broke up with him. He was also subsequently fired which left Johanna managing the bar alone, a fact she rarely let Katniss forget either especially on very busy nights.</p><p>"Look, I get it." Haymitch continued. "You don't have the time or need for attachments. You have a sort of catch and release thing going on. You reel them in and then pull the hook out and set them free."</p><p>"That makes me sound like a self-righteous bitch. Thanks, Haymitch."</p><p>Her scowl returned, and a guilty weight landed on her shoulders. She pulled her arm free from his grasp but didn't leave. He wasn't wrong. She did have a history of using men to fill the lonely void in her life. She had never wanted a relationship or attachment. She knew all too well the pain of losing someone you loved and, if given the choice, she hadn't wanted to feel that way about anyone. Having to worry about losing Prim or Haymitch or Gale was hard enough. They had embedded themselves in her heart and her love for them ran deep, but she had always avoided consciously choosing to love someone outside of that trio. However, Peeta had begun to change that even in the small amount of time she had spent with him. Her draw to him was undeniable. It worried her and it obviously worried Haymitch too.</p><p>"It's different with him," she murmured.</p><p>Haymitch opened his mouth to say something else and then paused. Instead he clasped his hand over her shoulder patting it twice and then turned to walk away. She heard him mumble something under his breath as he made his way back to the restaurant, but she couldn't understand what he had said. He stopped outside the kitchen door and pulled up his pant leg exposing the black boots he always wore. She watched him shove a shaky hand into the top of the boot and produce a flask. He held the flask up, tipping it in her direction before throwing back a large mouthful and replacing the flask back in his boot. He straightened his clothing, took a visible deep breath and then disappeared into the kitchen.</p><p>She stood in the rear parking lot, the styrofoam container with the burgers still in her hands. As if it was urging her on, her stomach gave an angry grumble reminding her that she still hadn't eaten anything since breakfast. She sighed and headed toward her car. Haymitch's words and the fire of Peeta's lips had her mind reeling. She didn't blame Haymitch for his concern. Her track record was anything but stellar, but she didn't think that was where things were going with Peeta. She wanted him in her life. The thought of losing him caused an actual physical reaction in her. Her stomach cramped, and a swirl of nausea crawled up her throat. She braced her hands against the steering wheel of her car and let the cool air from the air conditioning vents wash over her face until the nausea passed. She shook her head. She needed to get home and eat. She needed a shower. And, she definitely needed to talk to Peeta.</p><hr/><p>The tile felt cool against her flushed face as she drifted in and out of consciousness. Her fingers played with the soft fibers of the carpeted mat under her sink. She wondered how she'd never noticed the plushness of this mat before. Her stomach protested violently, and she froze waiting for the nausea to follow, but it didn't. She was still ridiculously hungry. The burgers that Peeta had given her were left untouched on her kitchen counter. She sat up slowly, leaning her back against the cabinet under her bathroom sink and thought about trying to reheat the burgers and eat them, but her stomach lurched in response just as it had done when she got home and opened the container. She tipped her head back and took deep breaths until the queasiness passed. A knock at the door jolted her forward and she rose to answer it, but then remembered that to do so she would need to walk past the offending burgers and she didn't know if she had that in her. She closed her eyes and hoped that it was just a stunning blonde haired, blue eyed boy at her door and not some crazy murdering maniac.</p><p>"Come in," she yelled as she quickly flushed the evidence of her nausea down the toilet and grabbed her toothbrush and toothpaste.</p><p>The door opened and closed, and she smirked as the tentative, but heavy footsteps that could only belong to Peeta, crept through her kitchen.</p><p>"Katniss?"</p><p>She turned and met him at the doorway of her bathroom. The toothbrush still in her mouth and toothpaste foam making its way down her chin. She quickly brought her hand up to wipe it away and he grinned. The smile faded as he took in the scene. Her shoes and bag laying haphazardly in the middle of the floor, the rug in her tiny living room folded over on itself where she had tripped trying to make her way to the bathroom, her disheveled hair, her sweaty face and finally the small amount of vomit on her shirt that she didn't realize was there until that very moment. Mortified, she spit out the toothpaste, threw the toothbrush in the sink and stomped into her bedroom pulling the shirt over her head as she went.</p><p>"What happened?" He asked as he followed behind her. "Are you okay?"</p><p>She turned towards him and he swiftly turned away with a slight blush staining his cheeks, giving her his back and a modicum of privacy. His chivalry made her stomach flip, but not in the nauseous way it had earlier, in a way she didn't quite understand and had never felt before. They had seen each other naked, but he still had the decency to allow her privacy to change. No one she had been with had ever done that. Once they had gotten her bare, they treated her body like their property, something they could look and touch whenever they felt like it.</p><p>"I think I might have caught a stomach bug or something," she said while pulling a clean shirt over her head and coming around to face him. "You probably should go. I don't want you getting sick too."</p><p>He cocked his head at her like that was the craziest idea he had ever heard. "Have you eaten anything?"</p><p>"No, but I'll be fine. I can get something once I'm sure it won't make a sudden reappearance."</p><p>"The burgers are still on the counter. Do you want me to…"?</p><p>She reached out her hand and covered his mouth to stop him. She didn't want to think of the burgers or the smell of meat cooking or onions and definitely not pickles. His wide shocked eyes would be comical if she didn't suddenly feel queasy all over again.</p><p>"The burgers need to go," she pled as she let go of his mouth and made her way to lay down on the bed. "Now, please. I'm sorry."</p><p>She buried her face in her comforter and willed the rolling in her stomach to end. She didn't think she had it in her to throw up again and she had already humiliated herself enough today. Peeta's heavy footsteps left the room. Cabinets opened and closed in the kitchen. Bags rustled. Pots clanged. She was curious why he was making so much noise to just throw out one container, but she was too afraid of moving to check.</p><p>"Maybe it's food poisoning," he yelled from what sounded like the inside of one of her empty cupboards.</p><p>She'd had a quick breakfast with Gale and Madge that morning, but it was just standard breakfast fare and nothing she thought would cause food poisoning. She reached for her phone sitting on her nightstand to text Madge since she knew Gale would still be at work.</p><p>
  <em>Katniss: Hey, you guys feeling ok?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Madge: Yep. Why?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Katniss: Been sick today. Thought maybe food poisoning. Haven't eaten anything since breakfast.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Madge: Oh no! Do you need anything?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Katniss: I'm ok. Peeta is here.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Madge: !</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Katniss: Stop. Don't make me throw up again lol</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Madge: Ok lol. Feel better soon! Tell Peeta I said hi.</em>
</p><p>She laid her phone back on the nightstand ignoring the chime indicating a new message. She jumped a little when Peeta sheepishly peered around the door frame. He had been surprisingly stealthy compared to his previous noise through the apartment. He flashed that dazzling smile at her as he walked fully into the bedroom. He held a bowl in one hand and a sleeve of crackers in another.</p><p>"I did my best," he began quickly before she had a chance to object, "but, soup and crackers always makes me feel better. It's just a plain broth. I thought that would be best with the earlier offensive entrée."</p><p>Despite the lingering queasiness, the broth did smell wonderful and her stomach growled in anticipation. She moved back against the headboard and Peeta gently handed her the bowl and laid the crackers next to her phone on the nightstand. She sipped the broth warily and took a deep breath of the steamy vapors rising from the bowl. Nothing about the delicious concoction caused any kind of negative effect and so she began to eat and drink with gusto. Between gulps she eyed Peeta over the rim of the bowl as he awkwardly looked around the room unsure of what he should do and not wanting to obviously stare at her while she ate. She picked up a few crackers from the nightstand, offered them to him and patted the mattress next to her. He took the crackers, kicked off his shoes and crawled onto the bed, scooting his himself back against the headboard beside her. Their hips and legs were flush, and she smiled into her bowl as she took another hearty sip.</p><p>The feeling of being near him was so unusual. He put her instantly at ease and she was amazed at how relaxed they were around each other even though they hadn't really known each other long. In a strange way that she wouldn't dare speak out loud, just being near him felt like home. She glanced at him as he quietly chewed his crackers. His legs were crossed at the ankles. His posture was completely relaxed. He'd let his head fall back against the headboard and his eyes were closed. The definition of his jaw made it look like it was carved from stone. His usual easy expression was replaced by something more intense and removed that suggested an entire world locked away inside him. If it weren't for the steady rhythm of his breathes and the movement of his mouth as he chewed, she could've sworn he wasn't real. He was so still. His eyelashes, which you didn't normally notice much because they're so blonde, up close were a light golden color and so long she didn't see how they keep from getting all tangled up when he blinked. He was so beautiful.</p><p>"You're staring," he murmured, a slight smirk lifting the corner of his mouth. His eyes stayed closed.</p><p>"I'm not," she replied unconvincingly into her soup bowl.</p><p>His bright blue eyes opened, and he leaned in close to her. "I think you like me," he whispered. "Don't worry. I won't tell anyone."</p><p>She laughed and playfully shoved him away feigning indifference while rolling her eyes, but a blush formed on her cheeks regardless. He chuckled for a moment and then grew quiet again.</p><p>"The last time I was here…things happened so fast, and you were drunk, and I don't regret anything, but I wish that I would've…that we would've...," he exhaled and paused, "I hope you don't think I took advantage of you. I meant what I said in the parking lot. I want you. I want you so much that it consumes all of my thoughts. I feel this need, this pull, to be around you and I think that is what drove me that night and I just wanted to apologize to you if you felt like I took advantage of the situation in any way."</p><p>She sat next to him stunned by his confession. Her brain scrambling for an adequate response. She wasn't sure what to say because she didn't understand how she felt or what was happening between them. Everything seemed so fast but then again, nothing had ever felt as right as the feeling of him next to her. She felt that pull too, that need. The want to have him, to touch him, to just stand in the same room as him. It made her feel crazy, but in a fantastically heady way, like everything was alright with the world and she could do nothing wrong.</p><p>They didn't know each other well enough for a definition of this feeling. Infatuation maybe? Lust? She wasn't sure. But, what she did know was that he had nothing to feel guilty or apologetic about. She had wanted him on that night they shared together and although she had been drunk, she had known what she was doing, and she had made her choices. She would make the same ones all over again if given the chance.</p><p>She wished that she was good with words, and that she could say all the things that swirled around in her head, but she just didn't have that capacity, so she did the only thing she could think to do. She set the bowl on the nightstand and rose to her knees. She placed her palms on either side of his face and brought her lips to his forehead. He released a breath that she felt reverberate through her whole body. Her lips then traveled to the tip of his nose and lingered a moment before ghosting over his lips. Mimicking their earlier encounter behind the restaurant she whispered, "Is this okay?" He hummed his ascent and she slowly lowered her mouth to his, savoring the moment, the smell and the taste of him. Her hands moved from his face to the back of his neck. The movement of their lips achingly slow. His hands traversed the landscape of her thighs before stopping on her hips. His fingers inched beneath of the seam of her shirt. His thumbs caressed small circles on her hips bones. The embers within her that seemed to constantly smolder for him burst to life, his touch giving them all the oxygen they required to become flames.</p><p>Her leg swung across his lap and his fingers pulled her closer, the heat from his hand feeding the fire inside her. The pace and urgency of their lips quickened. He sucked her bottom lip into his mouth begging for entrance which she quickly granted. The thoughts that had consumed her mind just moments ago had vanished. She could only focus on the totality of him. The feel of the downy soft hairs on the back of his neck, the hard planes of his chest, the gentle strength in his arms, the brush of his tongue against hers, gentle yet insistent like he wanted to savor every inch of her mouth. He pulled away first, placing a kiss on her chin before letting his head fall against her shoulder. His heavy breaths formed goosebumps on her chest and breasts. Her nipples hardened against him. A quiet groan rumbled from his chest and she smiled into his hair because she knew he'd felt it.</p><p>"Feeling better?" He mumbled against her neck sending a shiver through her.</p><p>She nodded in reply and kissed the top of his head inhaling the scent of his mint and sandalwood shampoo. As she took a moment to really assess the way she felt, she realized that she actually did feel completely better. The nausea was gone. The broth and crackers had helped, just like he said they would. At the mere thought of food, her still nearly empty stomach gave a rebellious demand to be fed. Peeta laughed against her and wrapped his arms around her waist pulling her flat against him.</p><p>"Time for real food?" He asked, his lips grazing the shell of her ear. "Shall I whip something up for us?"</p><p>"Forget about food. We don't need to eat. Let's just stay in this bed forever."</p><p>He chuckled. "As much as I wish I could freeze this moment, right here, right now and live it in forever, we're going to have to eat at some point. By the sound of things, I think that point has arrived."</p><p>He playfully tickled her waist and she squirmed, ever reluctantly, from his embrace. "Let's not cook. Besides, you've seen my cupboards, broth and crackers are about the best I have to offer right now."</p><p>"That's true," he agreed an impish smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "Pizza?"</p><p>"What about Chinese?"</p><p>While she could typically eat pizza for almost every meal, there was a different craving working its way to the forefront of her mind even though she usually was pretty impartial when it came to Chinese takeout. She decided to blame it on the faint smell wafting through her floorboards from below.</p><p>"Don't move," Peeta said as he hopped out of the bed and headed for the door.</p><p>"Wait! You don't even know what I like."</p><p>He paused in the bedroom doorway theatrically tapping a finger to the corner of his mouth. "I bet I can guess. Give me a few minutes and let me surprise you."</p><p>He leaned forward, grasped her hand and placed a kiss on her knuckles and then made his way out the door. She listened to the dull thud of his footsteps on the stairs down the hall until the apartment was engulfed in silence once again. She flopped back on the mattress with a contented sigh and then kicked her feet happily and made what could only be described as a girlish squeal. She stopped, her fist frozen in the air in celebration. What had happened to her? She wasn't this girl. She didn't get giddy over a guy. If she didn't know right, she would think she was turning into her sister. Prim was the hopeless romantic who loved sappy love stories and dreamed of Prince Charming. Katniss had always been the pragmatic one, the provider, the parental figure in an otherwise parentless household. She had never had time for fantasy or romance. But, there was something about Peeta Mellark. Something that broke all of the rules she had put in place for herself. Something that made her do a silly dance on her mattress. Prim would think this was hysterical. She would laugh and lightheartedly tease Katniss only to then want to know all of the details and start planning the wedding.</p><p>Katniss wondered if she had time to call Prim but realized that there was no way they could have a short five-minute conversation. She decided to send her a text instead with the promise to call her in the morning. She grabbed her phone off the nightstand ready to unlock it when the notification on the home screen stopped her short. It was the unread text message from Madge that had come through right before Peeta had brought her the broth. Her stomach dropped, and her heart began to race as she read the words on the screen.</p><p>
  <em>Madge: You're not pregnant right? </em>
</p><p>Oh, shit. Shit, shit, shit. Now that she thought about it, she should've had a period by now. Her cycle was like clockwork especially since she had been using birth control. She exhaled in relief as she remembered that she was on birth control. She had started using it last year after being chastised by her sister, Madge and Johanna. In reality, she had never really been that sexually active. There had been a couple people when she was in and just out of high school, including Gale, which they soon found out was an awkward mistake. But, for the most part, she had always been busy working and taking care of Prim. Things didn't start to change for her until Prim left for college two years ago. It was then that Katniss started to look for ways to fill the loneliness in her life.</p><p>She opened the app on her phone that she used to track her cycles and sure enough, it told her that she was six days late. She didn't understand. This had never happened before. The lateness combined with the nausea caused a pool of anxiety to settle in her belly. Although she didn't understand how she was late, she did know that there had been only one person she had been with without the added protection of condoms. Peeta. She wiped her sweaty palms on her jeans. Her foot bounced nervously on the floor. This worry would consume her if she let it. Peeta would be back with the food and he would know something was different, something was wrong. There was only one way to ease the worry that had grown from a pool and was now crashing over her in waves. She threw on her shoes, quickly typed out a text to Peeta and headed out the door and to the convenience store across the street.</p><hr/><p>It's amazing how slowly three minutes can go by when you are dreading something. She watched the timer on her phone tick down the seconds as she sat on her bathroom floor with her back against the bathtub listening to Peeta open up the boxes of takeout in the living room. They had both gotten back to the apartment at nearly the same time and he didn't question what she had gone out for. He excitedly talked to her about a book on Chinese cuisine that he had read and about some fusion recipes he would like to try. She had tried to pay attention to his words and to match his enthusiasm, but all she could think about was the impending doom or rapture that the test hidden in her purse would reveal. She had caught a glance or two from him that gave away the fact that he could tell that something in the air between them had changed, but we kept up his rambling and gave no indication otherwise. She, on the other hand, felt like a fidgeting mess. Thoughts ran through her brain faster than she could process them. Her muscles twitched with nerves and her heart hammered behind her ribs. She eventually was able to excuse herself to the bathroom where she now found herself wishing she could somehow blend in with the white tile floor and walls and disappear completely.</p><p>The timer ticked down the final seconds and she quickly turned it off before the alarm could sound. She reached up to the edge of the sink where the determination of her destiny ominously sat and grabbed the white plastic stick in her fist. She kept her eyes averted wanting to hold on to the last few seconds of what had been a magnificent day. Peeta hummed a song out of tune in the living room and she knew she had lingered in here too long at this point. He would start to wonder if she was sick again. She needed to quit delaying, just rip off the metaphorical bandage and look. So, she did, and those two pink lines stared right back at her in a confirmation of all her fears and insecurities.</p><p>Before she had a chance to stop herself, she felt the first tears roll down her cheeks. She couldn't remember the last time she had cried. It had to have been when Prim left for college, but she couldn't be sure. She had never been overtly emotional. Emotions were like ammunition that could and would eventually hurt her. She had known no other reality. Yet, she sat on the bathroom floor filled with so many conflicting emotions that she didn't know which was forefront. Tears turned to sobs that wracked her chest and drew out noises she didn't mean to make.</p><p>A quiet knock at the door and the pressure of a warm embrace.</p><p>Peeta.</p><p>She turned into him as he sank beside her on the floor letting the sobs work their way through and out of her until there was nothing left. He held her close, his fingers combing through her hair. He was silent. He didn't ask what or why. He just held her giving her his strength to use when she was ready. She pulled back to look at his face. His eyes were wide, the pupils swallowed nearly all of the brilliant blue showing only deep wells of emotion. His eyes scanned the room, the empty box in the sink, the positive test on the floor and finally back to her face. She didn't have to say anything. He already knew. He sat fully back against the wall and she curled against his chest listening to the steady drumming of his heart. He wrapped his arms around her and idly played with the end of her hair. The silence stretched between them for what seemed like hours before she finally spoke.</p><p>"I didn't lie to you. When we were together that night I was on birth control. I still am, or I was, or I don't know what I am now."</p><p>He sighed deeply. His chest rose and fell carrying her frame with it. His hand stilled on the ends of her hair.</p><p>"I never thought you lied to me Katniss, but does that mean that this…that it is mine?"</p><p>His voice was barely above a whisper like he feared speaking in full volume would carry more weight than either of them could bare in the moment. She simply nodded and listened as the steady cadence of his heartbeat turned to an erratic gallop beneath her ear. He released a heavy breath that tickled the top of her head and gently pulled away from her, so they were face to face. His fingertip caressed her chin as he tipped her face up to meet his eyes.</p><p>"What do you want to do?" He asked.</p><p>His eyes were glassy with the same trepidation she felt, but she saw nothing but gentleness behind his gaze. He wasn't upset or angry with her. He wasn't running for the door. He was down here on the bathroom floor with her face in his hands letting her decide the fate of them both. In that moment she knew that she would never hurt this man, she would do what she could to keep him safe and that he was working his way deep within her heart like only a few people had ever been able to do. It was terrifying and exhilarating and exhausting. She didn't know what to do about any part of the entirety of the situation. About him, about the plastic stick with two pink lines, about anything. She saw only incredibly hard choices and she didn't have the stamina to make them while propped against her bathroom tiles.</p><p>"I want to sleep," she began. "I want to crawl in your arms and never leave. I want to rip my hair out and scream at the top of my lungs. I want to talk to my sister. I want to hide under the covers of my bed. I want to eat. I want to get up off this goddamn floor and I may want to throw up again. As for the rest of it, I don't know."</p><p>"Well, I know I can definitely help you out with at least three of those things," he said as he rose to his feet holding out his hand to help her up as well. "You're up off the goddamn floor, I have a lot of food sitting just on the other side of this door and my arms are always here for you when you need them." He pulled her into his embrace and kissed the top of her head. "As for the rest of it, we'll figure it out together."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. I Know No Other Way Than This</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <em>Peeta</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>He nervously drummed his fingers on the speckled linoleum tabletop. The rain pelted the fogged glass of the diner's window in harmony with his fingertips. He had awoken that morning to the view of heavy, grey storm clouds looming overhead outside the bedroom window. Their ominous presence matched the dread that had consumed him as he prepared for the day. The rain and dark skies set a dramatic mood and, although cliché, it was completely appropriate.</p><p>He was meeting his mother for breakfast.</p><p>He had reached out to his father and brother, Rye, a week ago after Katniss had come to him and let him know that she wanted to keep the baby.</p><p>Their baby.</p><p>He was going to be a father.</p><p>He was thrilled.</p><p>He was terrified.</p><p>This realization brought up memories of his childhood and his own father. It made the rift between his family seem small in comparison. He didn't want to go on not speaking with them and have them miss out on this experience, on becoming uncles and grandparents. He also didn't want the baby to miss out on family members to know and love. What he didn't expect when he reached out to Rye, was for his mother to call. When it came to her, there were some bridges that couldn't be mended. She blamed him for so much and would forgive him for nothing. He would never understand this ability to throw a child away, to ignore their existence or to loathe it entirely.</p><p>So, he sat in a small diner three towns over from where he lived and where his family's bakery was established, anxiously awaiting her arrival. She had specifically requested the meeting take place here as it was just far enough away from home to not inconvenience her while maintaining enough distance to ensure she didn't run into anyone she knew. The knowledge that she didn't want anyone familiar to see her with him hurt, but he knew her well enough to have expected nothing less. So, he took that pain and locked it away like he had done with all the rest and he steeled himself for her arrival.</p><p>He expected her to blow through the door on a gust of wind and rain so vicious that all of the diner's patrons would stop and stare in horror because that was the way it felt seeing her again. Her entrance, however dramatic in his mind, was much more subdued in reality. Her slender frame glided through the door virtually unnoticed. Her blonde hair, several shades lighter than his own, was pulled back from her face in a low bun that sat impeccably coiffed at the base of her skull. Her face and lips adorned with perfectly applied makeup. A designer bag tucked neatly into the crook of her elbow. Her hands folded demurely in front of her. Nude polish gleamed from her manicured nails. She looked every bit the part of a wealthy citizen, which Peeta knew was her goal. Although his family's bakery did well and was prominent in the community, they were far from wealthy and this had always been a source of contention for his mother. Wide-set black sunglasses sat perched on the bridge of her nose. They had sunk low enough for her eyes to see over the top of the frame. Her icy blue gaze scanned the diner until it landed on him.</p><p>"Mother," he greeted evenly as she approached the table.</p><p>She didn't answer immediately. She took her time removing her glasses, depositing them in her bag and then placing the bag in an empty seat at the table. She remained standing, looking him over thoroughly before releasing an exasperated breath and taking the seat directly across from him.</p><p>"You stupid creature," she spat avoiding any pleasantries.</p><p>He struggled to keep his outward appearance composed. Inside he was boiling. "It's wonderful to see you again, too," he replied coolly.</p><p>"I always thought it would be Rye who would go and knock up some insignificant slut. He barely has two brain cells to rub together, but I can't say I'm surprised that it's you. You've always been weak and now you're going to sully the family's good name even further. As if you haven't done enough already. Proja would've never embarrassed me like this. He would've married within his station and given me beautiful grandchildren. But, you've destroyed that, too, haven't you?"</p><p>The venomous words flowed easily from her lips and she never dropped her chilly glare. Peeta could feel his cheeks burning with humiliation and anger. It felt like his insides were twisting in on themselves from the sheer willpower it took to remain calm in this public place. He knew his mother would bring up Proja, her darling first-born, the only son she ever really wanted. She had doted on him and while still strict in terms of discipline, she showed him the love and affection that she denied Rye and Peeta. It had created severe animosity between Proja and Rye, but Peeta, being the youngest, had always looked up to both of his brothers. Proja especially.</p><p>The age gap between himself and his older brother was much wider than the one he had with Rye and so, Proja seemed much less like an equal and more like this mythical figure to him. This person who could do no wrong and knew all the answers to questions that Peeta was too embarrassed or afraid to ask anyone else. As Peeta got older and Proja graduated from high school and left home, their bond strengthened. Distance and time seemed to help Proja see the cruelty their mother inflicted on Peeta and Rye and he would talk to Peeta in length about the guilt he carried from years of saying and doing nothing to help. Proja wanted desperately to repair the relationship with Rye and Peeta tried to help him do that, which is why he invited both brothers for a long weekend at their Aunt Effie's home in New Orleans the year prior.</p><p>"I just had to see you one more time and tell you face to face how utterly disappointed I am," his mother spat. "The years of my life I wasted on you and your idiot brother. I will never get those back. And, now look at me! I'll waste away in that bakery with your ridiculous father, with no family and no son."</p><p>"I'm your son," he countered with as much confidence as he could muster even as his voice cracked at the end. He should have been used to hearing these things from her after all of these years, but it still stung. He swallowed the tears threatening to spill out. He knew she would only use those as another weapon against him.</p><p>"You killed my son," she said with so much finality that he knew the conversation was over.</p><p>She rose from the table, grabbed her bag and turned to leave. At the door she looked back over her shoulder at him. He searched for anything besides utter hatred in her eyes. He found nothing. She slid her sunglasses into place on her face and left the diner just as uneventfully as she arrived. He looked around at the people eating and chattering away. Some laughing, some smiling, some leaning in close to whisper. He looked across the table at the empty chair in front of him. He had never felt so alone. The guilt of Proja's death rested heavily on his shoulders. It hadn't been his fault, not technically, but she would never see it that way. Although he hated to admit it, there was a very large part of himself that took the blame as well. It had been his idea to go to that third bar. He had let Proja get behind the wheel and even climbed into the passenger seat although he knew it was a bad idea. He should've said no. He should've suggested they had gone back to Effie's sooner, called a cab, walked the couple of miles, anything. He should've never invited them to stay with him in the first place. Then, he wouldn't have killed his brother.</p><hr/><p>"You're going to have to tell her Peet."</p><p>The voice drifted into the kitchen where Peeta stood staring blankly at the granite countertop, a knife poised above the carrot he was supposed to be chopping. His mind felt like a million pieces of paper scattered in the wind. As hard as he tried he couldn't collect enough pieces to get his thoughts together. He shrugged in response knowing that the gesture would not be seen. He continued chopping until he heard Finnick's footsteps enter the kitchen.</p><p>"Peeta, I told you that I would be cooking for you tonight," he chastised. "Now, back away from the sharp objects slowly. I've met your mother. I know what that bitch can do, so having knives in your hands is probably not the best thing for you."</p><p>Finnick opened the refrigerator door and grabbed a beer, replacing it with the knife in Peeta's hand. Peeta leaned against the adjacent counter and watched as Finnick took over the vegetable preparation. He took a long drink, holding the bottle to his lips and letting the amber liquid sit on his tongue before swallowing it down.</p><p>"I see that isn't a problem for you anymore," Finnick said gesturing to the bottle in Peeta's hands.</p><p>Peeta shrugged. It wasn't that it was no longer a problem, it still felt strange and a little unnatural to be drinking again but after the day he'd had, he welcomed the warmth and internal calmness that came with alcohol. Finnick raised his brow at Peeta's lack of response then shook his head and continued his work. Peeta had met Finnick shortly after finishing high school. He had spent the summer taking odd jobs in order to stay away from the bakery and his parents whom weren't happy with his decision to not go to university. One of those jobs was as an assistant on the set of a low budget independent movie shooting in various locations around town. The star of the movie was Finnick Odair; a then 26-year-old bronze haired, green eyed, Greek statue of a man. A heartthrob by any standard.</p><p>Peeta's job was to basically make sure that he was happy, fed and ready to film when it was his time to do so. That wasn't as easy as it seemed. In front of a crowd Finnick was charming, dashing and nearly always irresistible. In private, he was sullen, aloof and desperately homesick. He would often hide away in his trailer untying and retying a braided bracelet around his wrist that the costume department begged him not to wear but he refused, and they had to be creative in trying to hide it on film. Peeta had tried his best to break through with Finnick, but nothing had worked and by the end of filming they were both exhausted and frustrated with each other. Then, on the last day of filming, Peeta left a small cake he had baked and decorated with the words, "Happy Birthday Annie" in Finnick's trailer after inadvertently seeing the reminder, <em>Annie's bday-get cake,</em> pop up as a notification on Finnick's phone. It was only a simple round cake decorated in while buttercream but wrapped around the bottom was an exact replica of Finnick's bracelet, frayed ends and all. Peeta had left the cake without a second thought. It was his last gesture of kindness. He didn't know who Annie was or if Finnick would actually give her the cake or toss it in the trash. What he didn't expect was to be wrapped up in a bear hug with his face locked against Finnick's bare chest.</p><p>Upon seeing the cake, Finnick had sprinted from his trailer half dressed. Mid-sprint he had decided to forgo the typical and usual manly handshake and wrap the kind, blonde haired kid who had been putting up with his shit for weeks in a hug. The kid didn't know that the bracelet he wore matched the one his wife, Annie, wore on her wrist as well as a much smaller version that resided on the tiny wrist of his toddler son, Jacob. It was the only thing that held them all together while Finnick spent long weeks away pursuing his dream and trying to build a better life for his small family. He desperately loved his wife and his son, but they were his private secret. In order to build his brand and create the persona of an available heartthrob, his agent and manager agreed that for the time being he should appear single in public. The charming smiles, whispered flirtations and outward bravado slowly ate away at him. He loved his job but after a few days away he wanted nothing more than to be home.</p><p>So, that simple cake with its enormous meaning was how he and Peeta became friends. They kept in touch over the years as Finnick's star started to climb and then rocketed into orbit when he starred in another indie movie that got nominated for an Oscar. Suddenly, his name was household and his life no longer a secret. He would confess to Peeta later that while fame had its pitfalls, no longer having to hide his family wasn't one of them. Soon after the Oscar nomination, Finnick got offered a lead role in a drama series that filmed close to Peeta's hometown. The series became a knockout success and when it got renewed for a third season with no end in sight, Finnick, Annie and Jacob packed their bags and moved within driving distance to the set of the series. This was how Peeta found himself standing in Finnick's kitchen nursing a beer and listening to Jacob's tinkling laughter floating in from the other room.</p><p>Annie tiptoed into the kitchen and wrapped her arms around Finnick's waist, planting a quick kiss in between his shoulder blades as he continued to prepare dinner. Peeta had watched the pair interact with each other for years and it had always fascinated him. Their knowing glances, the way they would purposely touch whenever they walked by one another, their outward and obvious display of love. He hadn't grown up with that. His childhood home had a seemingly impenetrable layer of ice that hovered over, in and all around it. It caused a feeling like you could never get warm no matter how hard you tried. That was his mother's domain. The bakery, his father's domain, on the other hand had always felt warm and his father had always been free with his affection, so it wasn't like Peeta had grown up without ever being or feeling love, but he did grow up never seeing love between a married couple. It confused him and made him skittish in the way he approached his relationship with Katniss, especially now that they were bringing a baby into the world.</p><p>"So, when do we get to meet this mysterious Katniss?" Annie asked as she playfully pinched him in the side to move him, so she could gather plates to set the table for dinner. He hesitated a few seconds too long, and her brows furrowed in confusion. She glanced between him and Finnick, her hands hovering awkwardly in the air as she reached for the plates.</p><p>"Or not," she continued, clearing her throat and finally grasping the plates in the cabinet.</p><p>"No, no…it's just…I haven't…it's new. It's delicate," Peeta stammered.</p><p>"She doesn't know about us, love," Finnick added, stepping in to assist. "Or, Proja."</p><p>"Peeta," she said slowly, drawing his name out in a reprimand. "Do you love her?"</p><p>"I've loved her since I was 5," he replied.</p><p>"Then you have to tell her about your brother, especially now. You will be forever linked together regardless of how your relationship turns out. She's carrying your child. She deserves for you to respect her enough to be honest with her about your life and who you are."</p><p>She walked out of the kitchen gently brushing Finnick's arm as she passed. He turned and met Peeta's eyes with an "I told you so" glance. Peeta sagged against the counter. He knew she was right. Katniss deserved the world and he wanted nothing more than to give that to her. He wanted what Finnick and Annie had, and he could envision that life with Katniss. But, what Finnick and Annie didn't know and what he could remember all too vividly was a tiny, thin, scared and heartbroken Katniss. A girl too young to face the pain and responsibility that had been suddenly and violently thrust upon her. A girl that had lost both of her parents in a car accident. An accident caused by a drunk driver. He knew that while she deserved his honesty, telling her about Proja would cause a rift between them that he didn't know if he would be able to repair. He looked at the beer growing warm in his hands and as the fear of losing Katniss fell over him, he abandoned it on the counter and went to help Annie with setting the table.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Fear is the Heart of Love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <em>Katniss</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>She laid on her back in the darkness and watched the outline of streetlights and the moon as they filtered through her curtains and danced on the ceiling of her bedroom. Her fingers absentmindedly stroked the space just below her navel. If she dared to press her fingers just a little bit harder into her skin she could feel a firmness growing just beneath the surface. Life forming no matter how much anxiety she felt or second thoughts she had. She had told Peeta that she wanted to do this, to have this baby and even though there were many times throughout the day where that seemed like a brief moment of insanity, she's never gone back on her word. Prim was thrilled and screamed so loudly into the phone when Katniss told her that that people walking by her on the street stopped and looked over in concern. But now, laying in the twilight, she couldn't stop her mind from drifting into the murky territory of all the what-ifs. It had only been four months since Peeta walked back into her life, yet when she thought of him she couldn't picture a life without him in it and that in itself scared the shit out of her. She had never needed anyone besides Prim. Even Haymitch and Gale never truly felt like a necessity. They were wanted, of course, and she loved them, but she had always dreamed of one day living away from their small town and them. She didn't feel the need to have them as a daily presence in her life. Peeta was different. She longed for him when he wasn't around. She thought of him when she woke up and before she fell asleep. When she heard something funny, he was the first person she thought to tell. Prim had always been her number one person and although her love for her sister was fierce and undying, the amount of Peeta that now took residence in her heart and mind was overwhelming. That was as new and equally as frightening as the tiny being forming inside her.</p><p>She hadn't seen Peeta in almost a week and although he had texted her several times to check-in, it wasn't like him to disappear; especially from his kitchen. He had been nothing but supportive when she told him that she wanted to keep the baby and even though she could see the panic she felt reflected in his eyes, he kissed her sweetly and told her that they could do this. When she tried to casually ask Haymitch about Peeta's absence, he initially smirked at her and then his expression changed to something resembling parental worry crossed with his typical annoyance. She persisted, and he eventually told her that "the boy" would be back soon and that the next breakup disaster would be coming out of her paycheck. Haymitch didn't know about the baby. She had told no one except for Prim. She was positive that he would have an actual heart attack or a stroke or an aneurysm would burst in his brain when she told him. Whatever the outcome, she knew it wouldn't be good.</p><hr/><p>"Hey, Lovebird," Johanna yelled from the bar as Katniss wiped the tables down to close for the night. She was dead tired and could think of nothing more than putting on bottoms with an elastic band and slipping into a coma under the comfort of her mother's old quilt. She glanced briefly in Johanna's direction giving her the best "pissed off Katniss" face she could muster. Johanna threw her hands up in mock surrender.</p><p>"Hey, don't cut those eyes at me. You've been moping around here for a week and it's obvious to anyone who has half a brain why." She threw herself up on the bar, sprawled on her back with her arms over her head and knees spread. "Oh, Peeta! Take me. Take me now!"</p><p>"Fuck you, Jo," Katniss huffed as she threw the filthy, wet rag in her hand at the bar, hitting Johanna square in the face and causing an eruption of laughter from the few remaining staff members witnessing their exchange. Johanna laughed the hardest and crawled down from the bar top.</p><p>"You make it too easy, Kat," she said handing the rag back and giving Katniss' braid a playful tug. "Thresh, when is the chef extraordinaire coming back so our dear Katniss can go from the supreme bitchiness we're getting to the delightful state of indifference that we're used to?"</p><p>"Tomorrow," Thresh's deep voice rumbled from the belly of the kitchen.</p><p>"Thank God," Johanna replied, throwing her hands in the air. "He must have a magical dick to put in the state you're in. I've never seen you this grumpy or tired in all the years I've known you."</p><p>She leaned in closer to Katniss, kissed her lightly on the forehead, winked and whispered, "You know I love you. I'm only teasing." Then, putting on her best English accent and raising her voice, she added, "Perk up buttercup, thine lover returns in the morrow!"</p><p>Katniss couldn't help but laugh at that. The rigidity in her face and body softened. For all of the heaping loads of shit Johanna gave her, Katniss knew that she meant well. Katniss loved her too and, in that moment, she felt an overwhelming urge to tell Johanna about the baby.</p><p>"Jo, I need to tell you something," she leaned in close to whisper. There were only a few employees left in the dining room, but she couldn't be too careful.</p><p>"Hmm?" Johanna responded absentmindedly as she put away the remaining clean glasses behind the bar.</p><p>"I'm pregnant."</p><p>Johanna continued the motion of stacking, a single whiskey tumbler hovering inches above the shelf, as the full weight of Katniss' words washed over her. The glass slipped from her fingers and landed precariously on the edge of the shelf before Katniss' quick reflexes kicked in and she reached out to push it gently into place. Johanna gripped her wristed and pulled her down to eye level in a crouch behind the bar.</p><p>"What the fuck did you just say?"</p><p>"I'm pregnant," Katniss repeated, a gust of air leaving her lips as she did as if a little bit of the weight of carrying this secret left her as she spoke the words out loud.</p><p>Johanna stared, her eyes darting back and forth and all over Katniss' face waiting for the punchline. "Are you keeping it?" She asked.</p><p>Katniss gave a curt, but decisive bob of her head. Johanna sighed, let go of Katniss' wrist and started stacking the glasses again. Katniss remained like a statue crouched behind the bar. She was stupefied. She was expecting Johanna to blow up in her face, call her an idiot, tell her how she was ruining her life, but silence was something she didn't account for.</p><p>"That's all I get? You're just going to sigh at me and continue on like you didn't just hear what I said? I don't get a famous Johanna Mason diatribe about how I'm ruining my life and all of my decision are the wrong ones?"</p><p>Johanna placed the last glass on the shelf and paused a moment before turning to look Katniss in the eyes. "Well, are you?"</p><p>"Hell, Jo, I don't know. I may very well be, but everything in my gut and my heart is telling me that I'm not."</p><p>"Well, then, I can't really say anything, can I?"</p><p>"I guess not, but you want to," Katniss grinned.</p><p>"You have no idea how much I want to."</p><p>Katniss laughed at this and Johanna joined her as they sat together on the floor with their backs to the bar.</p><p>"Is it Peeta's?" Johanna asked.</p><p>Katniss nodded, and Johanna let out a visible sigh of relief that ruffled the short hairs on her forehead.</p><p>"Who knows?"</p><p>"Peeta, Prim and now you." Katniss snuck a peak around the bar and added in a whisper, "I haven't told Haymitch yet. I don't want to give him a stroke."</p><p>Johanna nodded in agreement with that and a quiet fell over them both before Katniss saw the familiar smirk forming on her friend's lips. She braced herself because she knew what was coming.</p><p>"You dirty, little slut! I <em>knew</em> you were banging him and holding out on me. I need details! What does he look like naked? Does his ass look as good as I think it does? Is he all soft and sweet and gentle? Or, is he crazy? The quiet ones are always crazy."</p><p>"It's not like that," Katniss replied, a pink blush forming under her olive cheeks.</p><p>"Not like what exactly?" Johanna exclaimed. "It's not like you two haven't been fucking in secret? Or, what? I'm pretty sure I remember 5th grade Sex Ed and how babies are made. And, I think you forget that I know you too well. You are definitely no virgin, and this wasn't an immaculate conception."</p><p>Katniss groaned and rubbed her palms up and down her face and eyes willing the blush furiously stretching across the surface to disappear. She was no prude and used to tell Johanna all the dirty details of her one-night stands but talking to Johanna about Peeta felt different. It felt private and something she didn't want Johanna to make fun of or tease her about. She didn't want to share the details of Peeta's ass and how it was just as glorious outside of clothes as it was in. Or, how he was gentle when he needed to be and hard in all the ways that counted. She wanted to savor that bit of information for herself.</p><p>"We haven't been fucking," she replied through her palms.</p><p>Johanna laughed a little too loudly and quickly covered her mouth with her hand to stifle the noise. "Well, that's a shame. I've always found fucking to be the most fun."</p><p>Katniss groaned and let her head fall against the cabinets behind the bar. "I knew telling you would be a mistake."</p><p>Johanna rolled her eyes and slapped Katniss' arm playfully. "C'mon. I'm just teasing you and you know it!"</p><p>"We've only had sex once. The night of the bonfire. It hasn't happened again."</p><p>"But, you want it to?"</p><p>Katniss leveled Johanna with a look that spoke to just how much she wanted to be with Peeta again, especially now with so many hormones running through her. She had no idea that people could be this horny – and nauseous - and still be able to function on a daily basis.</p><p>Johanna sighed. Both women were quite for a moment, then she turned to Katniss and asked, "Are you scared?"</p><p>Katniss closed her eyes. "Terrified."</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Peeta</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>Memories flooded over him as the familiar tinkling of a bell rang above the door. In an instant he went from a grown man to a drowsy 10-year-old boy perched on a stool behind the counter manning the register and waiting for the rush of morning customers to arrive. They would hurry in and order their coffee, bagels, muffins or donuts willing him to move faster as they always seemed to have precious little time on their hands. They cast disapproving looks at him as he unsuccessfully tried to hide his yawns in the crook of his elbow.</p><p>He had arrived just after the morning rush when he knew the storefront would be mostly quiet and his mother would still be at home in her bed. He could hear the deep voice rumblings of banter emanating from the kitchen in the rear of the store. The door separating the kitchen from the storefront swung open and his father stood behind the glass display case.</p><p>"Peeta?"</p><p>His father gawked for a moment but recovered quickly and rushed from behind the case to wrap his son in his arms.</p><p>"Don't think this means I'm not still upset with you," he said into Peeta's hair. "It's been over a year, Peeta. You can't disappear on me like that. I'll always love you no matter what has happened. You know that, right?"</p><p>His father released him from the embrace and framed Peeta's face with his hands forcing him to meet his eyes. It was too much. Too much forgiveness from his father. Too much love and concern in his eyes. Before he could stop himself, Peeta started to cry.</p><p>His father looked around the store quickly then yelled out, "Rye, keep an eye on the front. I'm taking a quick break." He turned and walked out the front door. Peeta followed close behind him walking until they stopped in the alley behind the store. His father shrugged at the surroundings and said, "Only place for privacy. You remember."</p><p>He did remember. He remembered getting caught making out with Delly Cartwright in this alley when he was 16 and running away to this alley whenever his mother was in one of her particularly bad rages while he was working. She would have said so many demeaning and terrible things about the tears that rolled down his cheeks. He sucked them up. His father patiently waited.</p><p>"I'm sorry, Dad. I'm sorry about Proja," Peeta said as he swallowed down more tears that threatened to spill over.</p><p>"Oh my god, Peeta. I'm sorry about Proja too. I will mourn him until the day I die, but I don't blame you. I've never blamed you. Proja was a grown man who made an awful mistake. His choice wasn't your fault."</p><p>"But, I could've stopped it and I didn't."</p><p>"Oh, son. You've always been my sweet boy. Always striving to see the best in people, but you've never stopped to see the best in yourself. You've always been so hard on yourself. I understand your guilt. I have guilt of my own too. I'm guilty of letting so many things take place when it comes to my boys. Things I should've stopped long ago, but this burden you're placing on yourself is not one you have to bear. Yes, you got in the car with him. Yes, you could've said something or refused or suggested walking or done a hundred different things. Would it have changed the outcome? We'll never know."</p><p>Peeta turned from his father and paced the alleyway. He clasped his hands on his head and stared at the ground. His father reclined against the brick wall and dusted the flour from his hands onto the apron around his waist. He watched Peeta pace and he waited. He knew his son. He knew the steam engine of thoughts and words that raced through Peeta's head and if he was patient he could help him figure his way out of the deep well of guilt and sadness Peeta currently found himself in.</p><p>"She is going to hate me," Peeta finally said. "I'm falling in love with her, we're having a baby and she is going to hate me."</p><p>Peeta's father pushed off from the wall and gently grabbed his son's forearm stopping him in his tracks. A wide, brilliant smile shone across his face and it took Peeta by surprise.</p><p>"You're going to be a father," Peeta's father said. "I am so extremely happy for you. There is no love like the love you'll share with your child. I can't wait to meet the person you helped to create and see the wonderful father I know that you are going to be. Now, tell me about Katniss. Why is she going to hate you?"</p><p>Peeta explained about Katniss' parent's death and the circumstance surrounding it. He told his father how the act of their death changed her life and shaped the person she is today. How the fact that his recklessness and involvement in Proja's death may be the thing that pushes her away from him and ends this before it even gets started.</p><p>"She has never forgiven the drunk driver that killed her parents and she may never forgive me," he said.</p><p>His father sighed deeply. The smile disappeared from his face and he leveled Peeta with his eyes.</p><p>"How far along is she?"</p><p>"9 weeks."</p><p>"Then, you need to tell her, and you need to do it soon. If it's like you think then she may decide she doesn't want this pregnancy after all and she will need time to make that choice. But, know this, I am so deeply scarred by the loss of Proja. He was my first born. He forever changed my life. There will never be anyone else like him. However, I have never blamed you for his death and I never will. You made a stupid mistake. You all did, but you didn't get behind the wheel of that car, Peeta. He did and as much as his loss hurts, I am damn lucky I didn't lose you both."</p><p>His father hugged him placing his strong baker's arms across Peeta's shoulders. He felt like a child again remembering all the times he found comfort in those arms.</p><p>"I'm so sorry, Dad," he muffled against his father's shoulder. "I'm so sorry about Proja."</p><p>"I am too," his father whispered in reply and placed a kiss in Peeta's hair. He pulled away and looked behind his shoulder at the rear entrance to the bakery. "I have to get back in there. Don't vanish on my again, kiddo. It does this heart good to see you. I love you so damn much, kid."</p><p>"I love you too, Dad."</p><p>Peeta's father chuckled, clapped him on the shoulder then turned and disappeared behind the rear door.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Katniss</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>The ping of an incoming text jolted her awake. She had fallen asleep on her small loveseat. She was still in her work clothes and shoes although she had unbuttoned her pants which had started to feel a little more restrictive in the past week although she couldn't physically see any evidence of her pregnancy. She just felt extremely bloated. She brushed the loose hairs from her face and picked the phone up from her chest. It was 11pm and the text was from Peeta.</p><p>
  <em>Hi. How are you feeling? Can we talk?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'm ok. Tired. We can talk.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'm downstairs. Can I come up?</em>
</p><p>Shit. She hadn't expected that. Her heart pounded with excitement at the prospect of seeing him again. She hadn't seen his face in a week and although she knew he was supposed to be back into work the next day, she didn't think he would show up at her apartment tonight. She jumped off the couch, brushing the crumbs from her dinner off her shirt and straightening the cushions. She simultaneously kicked off her work shoes – flinging them into a dark corner of her room – while pulling off her pants and shirt. She pulled on clean jeans and a t-shirt and ran a comb through her loose and unruly hair. She took a calming breath and texted him back:</p><p>
  <em>Sure</em>
</p><p>Then she ran from her bedroom to the small window in her kitchen that overlooked the rear parking lot of her building. She watched him get out of his Jeep and glance up toward her apartment. She shrank back from the window hoping he didn't catch her spying, but she couldn't help herself, so she peered through the window again and watched him walk the short distance to the entrance to the stairs leading to her apartment. He looked good. The glow of the streetlight revealed that he was wearing dark jeans and a fitted button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled to the elbow. It was going to take all her self restraint not to pounce on him as soon as he walked through her door. A few moments later she heard the tentative knock announcing his arrival. She swung open the door and greeted him with a wide smile that she was unable to hide. He seemed taken aback by this but met her smile with a shy one of his own. It didn't quite meet his eyes though and she noticed that right away.</p><p>Something was wrong. She felt her stomach roll nervously.</p><p>Her smile faded.</p><p>She stepped back to let him into her kitchen, closing the door behind him. They turned towards each other and spoke at the same time,</p><p>"What's wrong?"</p><p>"I have something I need to tell you."</p><p>Peeta cleared his throat and she took a step back towards the edge of her countertop. She gripped it tightly because she instinctively knew that whatever he had to say wouldn't be good. He wore his emotions on his sleeve and had bad news written all over his face. She was usually impatient when it came to bad news. She would rather just rip the bandage off quickly so she could move forward, but she could see how nervous he was and how difficult it was for him to tell her whatever he needed to say, so she waited for him to speak.</p><p>He fidgeted.</p><p>She waited.</p><p>He snagged his lower lip between his teeth.</p><p>She clinched her thighs.</p><p>She had never wanted anyone as much as she wanted him in that moment. She wanted to pull that lip into her mouth and listen to the moan it produced in him.</p><p>He took a deep breath and finally spoke. "Do you know what happened to my brother, Proja?"</p><p>She shook her head then remembered how evasive he had been about his family when they had the menu tasting prior to District 12's reopening weeks ago.</p><p>Peeta swallowed. "While I was living in New Orleans…he…he died. A year ago."</p><p>She let go of the countertop and grasped his hand. She knew what it felt like to lose someone you love. She had no idea about his brother's death. Outside of Madge, she didn't know many people in the merchant class in town. Madge didn't gossip, and Katniss rarely paid any attention to idle gossip anyway. Peeta interlaced their fingers and gazed down at their hands before continuing to speak.</p><p>"Proja and Rye had been visiting me. I had arranged a weekend together. They weren't very close and Rye had a lot of anger about how Proja had handled things that happened in our childhood. I was hoping that some bonding time together might help fix that."</p><p>Katniss knew Peeta was dancing around the fact that he was beaten as a child as was his brother Rye. While Katniss didn't listen to gossip, the beatings at the Mellark Bakery were just a known fact. Everyone had seen the boys with bruises, including Katniss.</p><p>"We had been drinking and enjoying the nightlife in New Orleans. We were all drunk, but still having a good time. We didn't want the night to end." Peeta's voice began to tremble. "Proja wanted to go to just one more bar on the other side of town. He had heard about a band that was playing there. Someone had told him that the band was amazing, and we had to see them. It was late, and we had had too much to drink and I knew we should go home, but he was so excited and my brothers were talking to each other and laughing. So, Proja got behind the wheel of the rental car and I climbed into the passenger seat."</p><p>Katniss' grip loosened on his hand and Peeta paused has he watched her fingers slip out of his. She backed up toward the countertop again and wrapped her arms around herself.</p><p>"Rye had met a girl, so he got into her car. They were following us to the bar. We had only been in the car for five minutes, had just made it onto the highway, when someone cut us off. Proja lost control of the car. We spun and hit the middle embankment then an oncoming car hit the driver's side head on."</p><p>Tears flowed freely from Peeta's eyes now. "Proja wasn't wearing a seatbelt. He was thrown from the car. The impact of the crash had smashed the passenger side of the car and my leg was pinned in between the frame and the seat."</p><p>He lifted his pant leg to show her the scar where he had to have his knee surgically reconstructed. It explained the braced she had seen him wear and the occasional limp he had when he'd been on his feet for too long.</p><p>"I was trapped, Katniss. I couldn't help him."</p><p>"What about the other car?" She asked. "The one that hit you after you lost control?"</p><p>Peeta looked at the floor now. She could feel the guilt coming off him in waves. Her hands started to shake, and she gripped the countertop again. So many conflicted feelings surged inside her. She wanted to rush forward and wrap him in her embrace. She wanted to scream at him and push him out the door. She wanted to lay him down in her bed and make his pain disappear even if just for a short while. An image of her parents and a memory of wiping away the tears on Prim's tiny face flashed in her mind. She could feel her own tears starting to build.</p><p>"It was a young couple and their children," he began.</p><p>Katniss froze. She felt wetness on her cheeks.</p><p>"They weren't even from the area. They were just traveling through during the night when they thought the traffic would be light. The mother had a broken arm and the father had a fractured collarbone. There were some cuts and bruises, but thankfully no one was seriously injured."</p><p>"You could have killed them," she said through clenched teeth.</p><p>Anger was starting to bubble up inside her now. It was replacing all the other urges she had felt. At hot rage made her cheeks burn. The tears still flowing from her eyes dripped from her chin onto the floor. She didn't feel them anymore. Peeta looked up at her. She could see the depths of his guilt and a thousand apologies in his eyes. She knew he was truly sorry for what had happened but, in that moment, she didn't care.</p><p>"Those kids could've lost their parents. They could've lost their lives!" She was seething now. Her voice growing stronger and louder with each syllable. She moved towards Peeta as she spoke, and he reflexively backed up until he was flush with her front door. "You have no idea what it's like. No clue what it feels like to wake up one more and go from being a child with parents that love you to being the one person responsible for making sure your little sister stays alive."</p><p>Peeta tried to speak but she raised a shaky hand to stop him.</p><p>"Do you know what that does to a little girl? That girl's dreams all disappear. She has nothing left outside of her duty to her sibling. She grows up, but she doesn't get to have hobbies that she loves. She doesn't get to go to school or work towards a dream career. She gets to live in a tiny, shitty apartment scrounging for tips, so her sister gets to live her dream. Then, she does something completely stupid and fucks a guy she barely knows and gets pregnant with his baby making sure she never has a life of her own!"</p><p>She's wounded him now, she can see it. His cheeks are flushed with embarrassment. He looks briefly at her abdomen and then at the floor. He won't meet her eyes. He reaches for the door knob behind him.</p><p>She's let the anger get the best of her and she knows it. She had wanted to wound him and knew the right things to say to do so. The logical part of her brain knew he had made a mistake. She had made plenty of those herself. He wasn't the one driving and he had never meant to hurt anyone. He had also paid dearly for the mistake by losing his brother. She knew all of this, but the inferno raging inside her was too loud. Logic was just a whisper compared to its noise.</p><p>"I'm so sorry, Katniss," he said softly as he opened the door.</p><p>The whisper told her to stop him, to apologize for her words, but she ignored it and watched as it walked out the door. She crumpled to the floor. Heavy sobs wracked her body as she listened to his footsteps fade down the hall.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Wait for It</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <em>Peeta</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>He couldn't sleep, and it was affecting his work. He was unfocused and everyone on the line could see it. They knew something had changed in the week he had been gone. He sliced the palm of his hand while finishing simple mise en place. The cut was deep but didn't require stitches. Thresh eyed him warily as he bandaged his hand and stepped in to pick up the slack, but it wasn't his job to run the entire kitchen and Peeta knew that.</p><p>If only he could get some sleep.</p><p>Katniss had called off work the day after he had told her about Proja's death. That night Johanna had kept giving him pointed looks from behind the bar and he tried his best to ignore them. He didn't know what she knew, and he had to keep up as much professionalism as possible while he was at work. The next day Katniss returned. The dark circles under her eyes matched his own and he knew she wasn't sleeping either. She only spoke to him when necessary for work and while he longed to hold her, he gave her all the space she needed.</p><hr/><p>Days turned into weeks. His heart was shattering. He needed to find a way to talk to her.</p><hr/><p>Thankfully the evening was slow. It was rainy, and the weather was turning colder. People rarely ventured out on days like this. The kitchen was experiencing a lull and Peeta needed fresh air. He headed towards the back door. The cold, wet air would do him some good and, hopefully, give him enough energy to make it to closing time. He was almost to the back door when he heard a muffled noise coming from the employee restroom. The sound of crying. It stopped him in his tracks. He knocked gently on the door.</p><p>"Leave me alone, Jo," Katniss mumbled from the other side.</p><p>Peeta froze unsure of how to respond. "Katniss?" He finally asked in a voice barely above a whisper.</p><p>Silence.</p><p>He stood there a few moments longer. Maybe she hadn't heard him. Then he heard the door lock turn and there she was standing before him. Her eyes were rimmed red and she held a tissue to her nose. She dropped her hand when she saw him there. They stared neither of them seeming to be able to move, still inexplicably drawn to each other even with the great chasm between them. He reached a hand up to touch her braid. He hesitated seeking permission. Her eyes fluttered closed in anticipation. She allowed it.</p><p>"Katniss," he said softly as he ran his hand over the length of her braid. "It's killing me to see you hurting."</p><p>Her shoulders sagged. Tentative fingers reached out and brushed the collar of his jacket.</p><p>"Please talk to me," he pleaded.</p><p>"I…I have a doctor appointment tomorrow morning for...," she gestured towards her stomach. "Will you go with me?"</p><p>"Of course. I can pick you up at your apartment, if that's ok."</p><p>She agreed, giving him the appointment details then turning to head back out into the dining room her fingers lingering on his shoulder as she walked away.</p><hr/><p>He pulled into the parking lot behind Katniss' apartment that morning. It was still very early, and he watched the mist as it settled in the trees of the forested mountains peeking above the buildings in the distance. He wiped the grit of sleep from his eyes. He had ended up taking sleeping medication the night before although it barely helped. He still awoke a sweaty, shaking mess. He wondered if the nightmares would ever go away. He had wanted to support Katniss through this appointment as best as possible and that required that he get at least a little bit of sleep. He didn't like taking the sleeping pills. They were prescribed to him after the accident along with other anti-anxiety medication that still sat on the shelf in his bathroom. The pills made him feel like he was someone else. He hated that.</p><p>The rear door to Katniss' building opened and she emerged into the early morning sunlight. She must have been waiting for him. He quickly got out of the car and opened the passenger door for her. She seemed taken aback by the gesture and a faint smile ghosted across her lips as she got inside.</p><hr/><p>He could tell she was nervous. He was too. As he looked around the waiting room at the other women in various stages of pregnancy he felt his leg begin to bounce. A warm pressure on his knee stopped him. Katniss gently squeezed his knee and gave him a forced, but appreciated, smile. She looked terrified. She absentmindedly chewed on her thumb nail while her eyes scanned the room. Her hand stayed on his knee.</p><p>"Ms. Everdeen," a nurse called from an open door across the room.</p><p>Katniss got up and Peeta followed her as they were ushered to a nurse's station to get Katniss's temperature, blood pressure and weight. The nurse then directed him to the examination room while Katniss had to go down the hall to an available bathroom to provide a urine sample. He sat in the empty hard plastic chair near the head of the examination table and waited for Katniss to return. The walls were plastered with posters promoting healthy eating, the growth of a fetus, contraception options and the do's and don'ts of pregnancy. His palms began to sweat, and he wiped them on his pants. He was overwhelmed and realized that he was woefully unprepared. Growing up with two brothers and a distant mother left him in the dark about a lot of the intricacies of pregnancy beyond how a baby is made. He realized he would need to do a lot of research before he felt even remotely ready for this.</p><p>Katniss returned with the nurse trailing behind her. She handed Katniss a paper gown and told her to undress completely and that the doctor would be in shortly. With the nurse gone, Peeta shifted uncomfortably in the chair. He looked up at Katniss as she looked at the gown in her hands.</p><p>"I can go outside while you change," he said.</p><p>"No. No, it's okay. I just always hate this part of seeing a gynecologist. It's not like we haven't seen each other naked anyway," she said gesturing to her stomach and the room they found themselves in. A small smile graced her lips.</p><p>He chuckled. She did have a point, but he still averted his eyes when she undressed to give her a little bit of privacy. It didn't feel right openly gawking at her. It's not like he didn't want to look. He <em>really</em> wanted to look.</p><p>Katniss sat on the examination table in her paper gown staring at her hands and nervously picking at the cuticle on her thumb.</p><p>"I used to go to the doctor a lot when I was a kid," Peeta blurted in an attempt to break the tension. "The rooms always look the same."</p><p>Katniss looked up from her hands and met his eyes. He saw a knowing pity reflected there. He mentally scolded himself. He hated that look. He saw it far too often as a kid.</p><p>"Oh, yeah?" Katniss replied. "So, your pediatrician had posters of a dilating cervix too?" She pointed towards the poster on the back of the door.</p><p>He looked and threw back his head in laughter. She smiled too. A beautiful, genuine smile. He felt his cheeks grow warmer.</p><p>"I'm pretty sure that would have scarred me for life as a kid," he chuckled.</p><p>She laughed too. Her laugh had a melodic quality. He wanted to hear it again.</p><p>Their laughter was interrupted by a knock on the door followed by the entrance of a man in a white lab coat. He had caramel colored skin and kind eyes. He spoke with a soft, caring voice as he greeted them.</p><p>"Hello, I'm Dr. Cinna," he said has he reached out and shook both of their hands.</p><p>Dr. Cinna sat down on a small round stool at the opposite end of the examination table as Peeta. He stretched his legs out in front of him and reclined against the wall. He clasped his hands together and gave them both a thoughtful look before he spoke again.</p><p>"So, I hear that we are having a baby. Is that right?"</p><p>"That's what the pee stick says," Katniss replied.</p><p>Dr. Cinna chuckled. "That's what our pee stick said too." He grabbed a clipboard from the countertop next to him and flipped through some pages. "We ran some tests on the urine sample you gave us Katniss, and everything looks good. Your blood pressure was good. Weight is perfect. Any questions for me right now?"</p><p>Katniss shrugged and looked at Peeta. He shook his head. Peeta's mind was a blank slate. He was just trying desperately to absorb everything and come to terms that this was real. He was really sitting in a doctor's office with Katniss who was really pregnant with his baby. Real.</p><p>"Well," Dr. Cinna continued, "according to your last menstrual period, your due date is April 22nd. So, as of today you are 12 weeks and 3 days pregnant. How have you been feeling?"</p><p>"Tired," Katniss replied. Peeta noticed a slight tremble in her hands. She clasped them tightly together. "I was nauseous for a while, but that seems to have started to go away now."</p><p>"And, is this pregnancy something you want?" Dr. Cinna asked gently his eyes flickering between Katniss and Peeta.</p><p>Katniss looked up from her hands. Her eyes met Peeta's and he saw a determination burning behind them. "Yes," she said, her eyes never leaving Peeta's. "Yes," he agreed.</p><p>"Okay," Dr. Cinna said brightly. He clapped his hands together, uncrossed his legs and reached behind him for a pair of blue latex gloves. "Now, Katniss, I'm going to have you lay down on the table and put your feet in the stirrups, please. Go ahead and scoot your bottom to the edge of the table as well for me."</p><p>Peeta was suddenly unsure of what to do. Katniss seemed comfortable enough given the situation, but this entire process was completely foreign to him. Should he watch? Should he look away? He should've talked to Finnick about what to expect. He had no frame of reference to draw on and Finnick was the only friend he knew that already had a child. He looked to Katniss for advice and she gave him a small smile as she situated herself on the table. She must have seen the uncertainty in his eyes because she reached out and grabbed his hand. He wondered if she felt the same sense of calm and comfort that he did whenever they touched.</p><p>Dr. Cinna completed the exam in a matter of minutes. He then removed Katniss's feet from the stirrups and instructed her to remain laying down on the table. He grabbed a paper sheet from a small cabinet and draped it over the lower half of her body and then pulled up her gown to expose her abdomen. He wheeled a machine over from the other side of the room that Peeta recognized to be an ultrasound machine. Katniss recognized it too because her grip on his hand tightened.</p><p>"Let's have a little look," Dr. Cinna said while he applied a large amount of green gel to Katniss's pelvis.</p><p>He placed the wand over the gel and moved it around for a few seconds and Peeta's breath caught in his throat. The picture on the screen was grainy, but he could tell immediately that it was the start of a human baby. He saw a head, a body and the buds of tiny arms and legs. He reminded himself to breathe.</p><p>"And, there's your baby," Dr. Cinna said cheerfully.</p><p>Peeta looked away from the screen and at Katniss. Her eyes were glued to it. Her lips slightly parted in a look of fascination. His heart was thumping loudly in his ears.</p><p>"It's too early to determine the sex yet," Dr. Cinna continued, "but, you see that flicker right there?" He pointed to a tiny spot on the screen. "That's the baby's heartbeat. Would you like to hear it?"</p><p>Katniss took in a deep breath and nodded. Dr. Cinna pushed a few buttons and sound filled the room. It caught Peeta off guard because it was much faster than he expected. It sounded like the gallop of a horse instead of the steady rhythm he was used to.</p><p>"145 beats per minute," Dr. Cinna said. "That is perfect. Let's print out some pictures and then you two can be on your way."</p><p>Peeta watched as a tiny printer located under the ultrasound machine spit out a few grainy images. Dr. Cinna wiped the gel from Katniss's stomach and helped her up into a sitting position. She still kept a firm grip on Peeta's hand. "Now, Katniss," he said with his hand on her arm to steady her, "let us know if you experience any bleeding or have any questions at all. Everything looks great to me, so you can go about life as normal. There are a few things you'll want to avoid but my nurse will give you a pamphlet about that on your way out. She'll also set you up with your next appointment in a month. Oh! I almost forgot," he continued while looking between Katniss and Peeta, "intercourse is perfectly fine as long as you are up to it and you're not bleeding."</p><p>Peeta's cheeks turned crimson. He chanced a glance at Katniss and saw her olive skin was pink as well. She dropped Peeta's hand. Dr. Cinna chuckled, congratulated them both and exited the room. Peeta looked at his empty hand and flexed his fingers. He could still feel the tingle in them from her touch. Katniss's eyes were downcast to the floor.</p><p>"Katniss," Peeta began.</p><p>"Can you wait outside in the hall for me, Peeta," she said quietly.</p><p>He stood slowly hoping to catch her gaze again before he left the room. She refused to lift her head.</p><p>"Of course," he said softly as he slipped out of the room.</p><p>He leaned against the wall outside the examination room door and let his head fall back. The adrenaline coursing through him had been enough to wake him up, but his head still felt foggy. The past year had been a hellish rollercoaster and he still felt like he hadn't fully gotten his bearings. He was a mess emotionally and physically. He had no idea how he was going to be a good father for this baby or how to make things right with Katniss. A nurse flitted by handing him pamphlets and paperwork for Katniss and telling him to have her contact the office to schedule her next appointment. He held the papers in his hands and shook his head amazed at how strange life could be, but then another thought crossed his mind. He could do this. They could do this. He knew deep in his bones that they could and would be amazing parents. The only thing he didn't know was if she would allow it.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Katniss</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>The car ride with him was quiet but comfortable. His hand rested on the center console and her fingers twitched as if they wanted to reach out to him of their own volition and grab his hand again. His steady presence and the warmth of his hand had been the only thing holding her together at that appointment. She glanced down at the photos in her lap. She still couldn't believe it. Now that the nausea had more or less gone away, there were days when she didn't feel pregnant at all. These photos, however, confirmed that it was all very real.</p><p>"Do you want some breakfast?" Peeta asked. "I know a place that has some pretty great cinnamon rolls, homemade bread and peanut butter."</p><p>He didn't know it, but peanut butter was her weakness. She loved it. She nodded her head and he smiled. His smile lit up his entire face. He had a dimple in his right cheek that she hadn't noticed before. She needed to look away before she did something stupid like try to kiss him. She still wasn't over being angry with him. She wasn't sure how she would get past looking at him and feeling the loss of her parents all over again. Even with those feelings and the underlying anger, she still had this desperate need to be near him, to touch him, to make him smile. It caused an internal struggle and filled her head with so many thoughts that she didn't know how to properly articulate. If she wasn't careful she would start crying again like yesterday at work. She hadn't meant to do that and hadn't meant for him to find her, but of course he had.</p><p>She had talked to Prim earlier in the week and Prim had told her she needed to forgive him. Of course, she did. Prim was so likable, so kind and so loving. She didn't have it in her to hate or dislike anyone. But, Prim was also very young when their parents died and while there is no denying that it had altered her sister's life, Katniss had done everything in her power to keep Prim's life as happy and normal as it was with their parents. There had been no one to do that for Katniss. Maybe that's why she was having such a hard time forgiving Peeta and why forgiveness came so easily for Prim.</p><p>Katniss watched out of the window as they turned onto a residential street lined with trees and small homes. The homes weren't extravagant by any means, but they were much more comfortable than the small apartment she currently lived in. She let her mind drift for a moment and let herself feel what it would be like to raise her baby in a neighborhood like this. Her reverie was interrupted when she realized that Peeta was pulling the Jeep into the driveway of one of the houses. The home had a small, but tidy yard with a little well-kept garden to the side. It had a front porch with stone steps. The house wasn't very big. It had a second story that housed possibly one or two rooms.</p><p>The Jeep rolled to a stop and Peeta put it in park and turned off the engine. Katniss turned her head towards his questioningly.</p><p>"Where are we?" She asked.</p><p>"My house."</p><p>"But…I thought you said you were taking us to a place with cinnamon rolls and homemade peanut butter."</p><p>Peeta shrugged. "I grew up in a bakery, so I might be biased, but I think my cinnamon rolls are pretty good and my peanut butter is amazing. Although my dad would say his are better and Rye would dispute us both," Peeta laughed lightly. "Do you want to come in?"</p><p>Katniss hesitated. She had to admit that she was interested to see where Peeta lived and how he lived, and she was also insanely hungry. Curiosity and hunger ultimately won out over any hesitance she had, and she opened the car door and followed Peeta down a short sidewalk and up the steps of his front porch. He opened the front door and stepped aside to let her enter first.</p><p>She was immediately greeted with the scent of baked goods and her stomach grumbled angrily, and loudly. Peeta smirked behind her. She had entered into a small living room area with a comfortable looking couch and armchair. The walls were a bright neutral shade with beautiful paintings adorning them. She stepped further inside and Peeta closed the door behind them. Through the living room she could see the doorway to his kitchen. There was also a room and a set of stairs to the right of the front door and a small hallway adjacent from the kitchen's entrance.</p><p>Peeta removed his coat and laid it across the back of the couch and then headed for the kitchen turning and beckoning Katniss to follow him. The humble appearance of his home was in complete contrast to the masterpiece that was his kitchen. Although, she honestly didn't expect him to have a standard kitchen seeing as food was his life. Everything looked beautiful, state-of-the-art and expensive. She was rooted at the doorway in fear of accidently breaking something he so clearly had put a lot of time, effort and money into.</p><p>Peeta pulled out a stool from the small island in the middle of the kitchen and patted the seat inviting her to sit down. She accepted the invitation and perched herself on the stool while he uncovered a small variety of breakfast pastries, including the cinnamon rolls he had mentioned, and a jar of peanut butter.</p><p>"Did you make all of this today?" She asked incredulously.</p><p>"Most of it. The peanut butter is from a couple days ago though. I have a hard time sleeping. When I can't sleep, I bake," he answered honestly.</p><p>By the looks of this spread, he hadn't done much sleeping. She understood it though. She knew what it was like to be plagued with nightmares and cartwheeling thoughts that didn't allow her to rest. He handed her a plate and took a seat on the stool next to her. They ate in companionable silence for a few minutes. She was drowning in the sea of ecstasy that was his peanut butter when he spoke again.</p><p>"You know, Katniss, things happened between us fast…too fast and I know that we still don't know each other well and that you may never forgive me for what happened in New Orleans. But, I'm hoping that maybe, for the sake of the baby at least, we have a chance at being friends."</p><p>"Friends," she replied as more of a statement than a question. He nodded.</p><p>She wanted to say that she wasn't very good at being friends, but that wasn't entirely true, and she knew that. She had been friends with Gale and Madge for years and she now called Johanna her friend. So, while she felt like she wasn't very good "friend" material, maybe she was. He was right. They needed to find some way to come together for the baby, so she would try to be friends with Peeta Mellark. For the baby.</p><p>She nodded her assent.</p><p>He smiled.</p><p>They both stared at each other not sure what to say now. They laughed.</p><p>Peeta was the first to speak again. "Well, if we are going to be friends I guess it helps if you know the person. I hardly know anything about you other than you're stubborn and your favorite color is green."</p><p>"That about sums me up," she replied with a smirk.</p><p>"No, there's more to you. You just don't want to tell me."</p><p>She started to shake her head, but Peeta cut her off.</p><p>"See, Katniss, the way the whole "friend" thing works is you have to tell each other the deep stuff."</p><p>"The deep stuff?" She asked. "The stuff we already know isn't deep enough?"</p><p>He laughed at that. "Yeah, but I'm talking about the <em>really</em> deep stuff."</p><p>She cocked her head, confusion and concern staining her features. "Uh-oh. Like what?"</p><p>"Like, uh…do you have any hobbies?"</p><p>"Well, now you've stepped over the line."</p><p>He threw his head back in laughter and smiled widely. That beautiful, glorious smile that lit up his whole face and caused that dimple to appear. She shoved another bite of bread and peanut butter in her mouth to occupy it because what she really wanted to do was crash her lips into his and taste that smile. But, they are friends now. Just friends, she reminded herself. He sat there still smiling at her, patiently waiting for her respond.</p><p>She swallowed the bread and the lump in her throat. She thought about time spent in the woods with her father. "I like to hunt," she said.</p><p>"Really?" Peeta replied, his eyebrows raised in surprise.</p><p>"I used to go out with my dad. We'd use a bow and arrows. He said it required more skill, stealth and patience. He taught me to walk silently through the woods, to track and to shoot. I haven't done it in years though. I miss it." She looked down at her plate which was now empty and bit her lip to control her emotions. Out of her periphery, she saw Peeta shift on his stool. "Let me guess," she continued, raising her head to meet his eyes, "your hobby is food."</p><p>He shrugged. "My profession is food. I grew up cooking and baking so it comes easy to me and I enjoy it, but my hobbies would be drawing and painting."</p><p>She looked around the house again and noticed, <em>really</em> noticed, all the paintings on the walls. "Are these yours?" She asked, gesturing to the art on the walls. He nodded, a light blush creeping up his neck and cheeks. "Peeta," was all she could think to say. His name leaving her lips in an astonished whisper.</p><p>The paintings were remarkable. She had no idea he could draw or paint, but then again how would she. She thought back to their school days trying to remember if he had ever entered or won any art competitions or been a part of the artistic crowd, but she didn't think so. She got up from her stool and wandered back into the living room to study the paintings more closely. Peeta stayed in the kitchen watching her through the doorway and moving his food around on his plate, but not really eating.</p><p>She walked around the room and took his work in. There were landscapes of meadows and sunsets. A close-up painting of a dandelion. A pair of male hands covered in bits of flour and dough. A distant portrait of a girl with dark hair, but you could only see the back of her head. The girl had her head raised up to the sun and her arms open wide. Katniss wondered who this girl was. She was curiously drawn to this particular painting. She could feel Peeta watching her intently as she viewed the art and when her eyes met his, a furious blush stained his cheeks. He cleared his throat and looked away, crossing through the kitchen towards the hallway.</p><p>"My studio is down the hall," he said while motioning to the door at the end of the hall with his hands. "There's an empty room at the bottom of the stairs. My bedroom and another extra room are upstairs. Welcome to my home," he shrugged with a nervous laugh and shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans.</p><p>"It really is a beautiful home, Peeta," she said while taking in everything one more time. She meant it too. His home made her apartment feel like a hovel.</p><p>He nodded his appreciation and motioned for her to join him on the couch. They stayed on that couch for hours. The restaurant was closed for the day and she found it surprisingly easy to talk to Peeta. He was always able to keep the conversation going with his natural, outgoing personality and charisma. They talked about all the things they had in common, about books they liked and movies they loved. The laughed about silly videos they had seen and funny things that had been said or done in the restaurant's kitchen. They kept the conversation light and safe, like newly formed friends would do, never delving too far into painful things. Before she knew it, she had spent the entire day in the company of Peeta Mellark.</p><p>She hadn't felt that at ease or had a day slip by that quickly in a long time. Her eyes grew heavy as tiredness began to creep into her bones. Peeta noticed even as she had tried to stifle her yawn. He offered to take her home. She reluctantly agreed. She had been fighting the urge to curl up next to his warm body that smelled of cinnamon for the last hour or so and she knew she needed to get away from him before she did something stupid like fall asleep in his arms or ask to stay.</p><p>Her thoughts and emotions regarding him were still so very confusing. It was painful knowing what he did and how much harm he could have done to those small children and their parents. The anger she felt about that had not gone away, but she also was laughing with him and feeling those urges to touch him, kiss him and stay with him. That fire he had lit in her at the lake behind his Aunt Effie's house had not been extinguished. Even with everything they had been through in their short time together, his presence – the simple act of being him – had continued to fan the flames. They had agreed to be friends and that scared her more than any physical relationship with him ever could. She had never done that before. She had never pursued friendship prior to a sex or tried to have a real adult relationship with someone. Maybe that's why things physically escalated as quickly as they did with Peeta. Maybe it was out of her fear of what this could actually become. She could feel that fear and even the anger that she still held being replaced by something else though. An unfamiliar heat was slowly overtaking those emotions. A heat that made her cheeks grow warm and the juncture between her thighs grow wet when she thought about his taste and the feel of her body wrapped around his. A heat that made her chest constrict in a foreign way when she thought about how much pain he had experienced. A heat that she knew would eventually consume her. When she looked at him she was a girl on fire.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Cannonball</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <em>Katniss</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>His hand blazed a trail down her spine from her shoulder blades to her tailbone leaving goosebumps in its wake. She shivered against him. They lay on their sides facing each other. Their limbs hopelessly intertwined. She moaned into his neck breathing in the scent that was so intrinsically him, spices, sandalwood soap and something else she couldn't quite identify. Something that belong just to him. Something Peeta. He responded to her moan by bucking against her. His hardness scorching against her belly. She hitched her thigh over his hip and the contact moved to the place she needed it most. A groan rumbled from deep in his chest. His hands found her hips and they began to move together. Their breaths mingling hot and fast. She wanted to lift her head from his neck and look at his face. She wanted to see his brows furrow and the clinch of his jaw as the sensations of pleasure swept over him, but she was unable to move her head. Her hot breath against him was stifling but the desire she felt coiling between her thighs took precedence in her mind. She ignored the humid air she was breathing, the suffocating nature of it and focused on the feel of him. How hard he was. The whimpers that escaped from his parted lips. She used her leg to pull him even closer, grinding her hips into his, chasing that sweet friction that would be her undoing. She was close. So close. Just a little bit more. His fingers pressed a delicious pain into her hip. His name escaped her lips in a gasping whisper on his neck.</p><p>"Peeta."</p><p>It was happening. This was finally happening again. She was going to shatter in his arms. She was going to…</p><p>Her eyes flew open. She was breathless. Panting. Sweaty. Alone. Her heart raced in her chest. The bed had never felt colder. She turned to her side and punched the pillow letting out a frustrated whine. She buried her face in its coolness. Her body still burning from the dream. She'd been having these dreams more frequently now since she and Peeta had started spending more time together. She could feel that he was being cautious with her, keeping their interactions from getting physical beyond the occasional hug or chaste kiss on the cheek or forehead. She was now 15 weeks pregnant and into her second trimester. Most of the side effects of early pregnancy had thankfully vanished. She was no longer nauseous. The overwhelming fatigue was gone too except on nights when she couldn't sleep. Nights when she would wake up frustrated, alone and confused in her own bed. The only side effect she had now was this wanting. This damned wanting and the heated slickness it left between her legs.</p><hr/><p>"It's time to tell him, Katniss," Peeta said as they sat together in the park under a clear, cool autumn morning sky. The trees around them burned with bright reds, yellows and oranges. Peeta sat with his back against one of the trees, a sketchbook and pencil in his hands. His eyes never left the sketch as he spoke.</p><p>"I know," she sighed leaning back on her elbows and looking up at the sky. Haymitch had cornered her at work just a few days before. He had mumbled something about her and "the boy" spending a lot of time together, about being careful and about not having enough time or energy to find a new chef. He wasn't the only one who had started to notice that Katniss and Peeta were spending a large amount of their free time together and, honestly, a large amount of their work time too. She saw the looks people were giving them. It wasn't like they were trying to hide anything. She just didn't like people in her business.</p><p>Wait until they find out about the baby.</p><p>She groaned and laid back fully on the grass pulling her scarf up over her mouth and throwing her forearm over her eyes. She heard Peeta put down his sketchbook. She felt the warmth of his body as he laid down next to her. So close but not touching. Her free hand glided from her abdomen to the grass. Their pinky's grazing. Neither moved.</p><p>"I know what you're thinking," he said softly.</p><p>She raised an eyebrow from beneath her arm. She was currently thinking about the dream she'd had that morning. About his fingers trailing down her body and about the electric current presently buzzing on the grass in the miniscule space between their fingers.</p><p>"Everyone is going to talk," he continued.</p><p>She exhaled loudly through her nose.</p><p>He shifted to his side. The electric current vanished. She pulled her arm away from her eyes and turned to look at him. His blue eyes were bright, but serious.</p><p>"Let them talk, Katniss. It doesn't matter what they say. This has nothing to do with them. This is just about you and me."</p><p>He reached out and grabbed her hand, brushing his thumb across her knuckles and sending a shiver through her.</p><p>"Haymitch is going to lose his shit," she said with a groan. "He already knows I'm barely holding it together with Prim and her school."</p><p>"If we wait much longer he's going to see it with his own eyes anyway. He'd probably appreciate it much more if he heard it directly from us beforehand."</p><p>She knew Peeta was right. He was almost always right, and she was almost always too stubborn to listen. At 15 weeks the pregnancy was just starting to show and she had so far been able to wear clothes that covered up her emerging bump. Thank goodness it was fall. In a few short weeks there would be no hiding the evidence any further.</p><p>"I know," she replied begrudgingly.</p><p>Peeta pushed himself up to a sitting position on the grass, dropping her hand. He pulled a few blades of grass from the ground. "Let him be angry," he said while tossing the grass to the side. "I'm so sick of letting other people dictate my life and make decisions for me. This is happening. The people in our lives, including Haymitch, are just going to have to deal with it."</p><p>She turned her eyes back towards the sky. He was right again, but she silently wished she could crawl into a cave with him and hide from the onslaught of drunken anger, worry and relentless teasing that she knew would be coming her way.</p><hr/><p>The Jeep rolled to a stop in front of Haymitch's house. Katniss wiped her clammy hands on the front of her jeans. She took a deep, calming breath in through her nose and out of her mouth. She knew she needed to reach for the door handle and get out of the car, but she was having a hard time willing her body to cooperate.</p><p>"Wow," Peeta muttered in a low voice from the driver's seat.</p><p>She understood his reaction. Haymitch's house was a shock to anyone who had never been there. While his drinking was no secret, Haymitch had always pulled himself together in public. He was clean and well dressed. He owned businesses and could converse with anyone on any topic. His house, however, was a complete and utter disaster. There were weeks old newspapers at the foot of his driveway in various stages of decomposition. The grass was severely overgrown and filled with weeds. Shutters hung haphazardly from their brackets. A garbage can sat precariously on the edge of the driveway. Its contents spilled over the side and littered the ground below. Small pieces of trash danced through the wind swirling, climbing and diving before ultimately finding a home in the overgrown front yard.</p><p>"I know. It's a shithole. Let's get this over with," she said, resignation tinting her voice.</p><p>Truthfully, she was glad they had waited as long as they did to tell Haymitch because if Peeta thought the outside was bad, she couldn't wait to see his reaction to the inside and she knew that her nausea wouldn't have allowed her to step foot in Haymitch's house a couple of weeks ago.</p><p>"Prepare yourself," she said as they climbed out of the car. "The inside is worse."</p><p>She turned and looked at Peeta, studying his reaction, expecting to find the same disgust that crossed everyone's face when they saw how Haymitch lived. His mouth and jaw were hard set in determination, but his eyes were soft and filled with compassion. She turned and headed up the driveway to the front door. Peeta followed close behind. She knocked several times with no response. After standing on the stoop for nearly five minutes, she tried the doorknob to find the door unlocked. She hesitantly swung it open calling out to Haymitch as she did. A musty, stale and acrid odor wafted outside, and she had to cover her mouth and nose with her arm to avoid gagging.</p><p>"Fuck, Katniss," Peeta muttered through the hand over his mouth. "I had no idea he was this bad. You and Prim lived here?"</p><p>She nodded, although it wasn't this bad when they lived with Haymitch mostly because Katniss made sure to clean and Haymitch made sure to keep his drinking and messy habits confined to his study.</p><p>"Most people don't have any idea about this," she snapped with more hostility than she had wanted. She was overprotective with Haymitch even though he was a pain in her ass. She was worried too. Very worried. He was drinking himself to death and she was scared of what it would mean to lose him. "He hides it well," she continued, her tone softer.</p><p>They ventured inside being careful to step over empty liquor bottles, food containers and numerous other pieces of trash that didn't belong in the hall or on the living room floor. They found Haymitch asleep – or more likely passed out – in a recliner. Katniss gently kicked his leg with the toe of her boot. He didn't move. She did it again and still nothing. She looked back at Peeta and he shrugged helplessly. She usually would leave Haymitch alone, especially on their day off, but it was almost noon and they were here and had stood in the stench of his house, so she wasn't going to leave until they had told him. She grabbed a half empty glass on the end table next to the chair and sniffed the contents. It didn't smell alcoholic and so she dump the liquid on Haymitch's head.</p><p>The older man jumped from the chair swinging his arms and cursing. He swiped at the beads of liquid running down his face and squinted his eyes at the pair.</p><p>"What the actual fuck!" He bellowed. "The restaurant better be burning to the ground or you better tell me someone has died to explain why you two idiots are standing in my living room on my day off trying to drown me!"</p><p>Katniss aimed her best scowl at him, but he scoffed at her and rolled his eyes. "Well…" he said, his eyes darting between the two of them.</p><p>"Sober up, Haymitch," Katniss replied evenly as she turned away from him and started back towards the front door grabbing Peeta's arm so he would follow her. "We'll be in the backyard. It reeks in here. Hire a damn housekeeper."</p><p>Haymitch barked out a laugh and reached for a bottle stuffed in the between the cushion and side of his chair. He followed the pair out the door. "Spill it," he said once they reached the cracked and dirty patio of his backyard.</p><p>Katniss felt Peeta tense beside her. He pulled in a deep breath readying himself to speak for both of them. Peeta's mouth opened and she could tell he had a long speech prepared, but Katniss knew Haymitch better and being straightforward and blunt was always the best approach with him.</p><p>"I'm pregnant," she blurted. She'd kept her voice steady and matter of fact. She tried hard to keep her face neutral as well.</p><p>Peeta's mouth clamped shut.</p><p>Haymitch's bloodshot eyes widened slightly, darting between both her and Peeta then widening even more as realization fell over him. He threw his hands up in the air and turned his back on them. He paced and muttered under his breath, taking gulps from the bottle in his hand. Then he stopped, released a long breath through his nose and scrubbed his free hand across his face and through his hair.</p><p>"Pregnant?" He asked disbelievingly.</p><p>She nodded.</p><p>"With a baby?"</p><p>"Yes, Haymitch, with a baby," she replied not able to hide the sarcastic tinge in her voice.</p><p>"And, I'm guessing you didn't bring the boy here just for moral support," Haymitch bit back with sarcasm of his own.</p><p>"No, it's uh…it's my baby too," Peeta said softly.</p><p>Did Katniss hear a trace of guilt or sadness in his voice? He definitely wasn't his typically confident self in this moment and that grated on her nerves. It had been his idea to do this today. In fact, this entire situation grated on her nerves.</p><p>"Look," she said, unable to mask the annoyance in her voice, "we came here to tell you face to face and now you know. So, we will get out of your hair and see you tomorrow. Enjoy the rest of your bottle." She turned to leave stomping unnecessarily hard through the weeded overgrowth. She knew she was being childish, but her annoyance was morphing into anger at warp speed. She didn't even understand why she was getting angry.</p><p>"Woah, wait a minute sweetheart," Haymitch said, grabbing her arm to stop her. "You can't just drop a baby bomb on me and walk away. I have questions."</p><p>She was seething now. She had given up trying to control her emotions. Her body had been hijacked by hormones. Like an unstable volcano, she could feel herself milliseconds away from erupting. She kept her back to Haymitch and Peeta.</p><p>"How far along are you?" Haymitch asked.</p><p>When Katniss didn't speak or turn around, Peeta replied, "15 weeks."</p><p>She heard Haymitch sigh behind her as he let go of her arm and directed his questions at Peeta.</p><p>"I assume she's seen a doctor and everything?" Haymitch continued.</p><p>"Yeah," Peeta answered.</p><p>"So, what happens now? You two get married?"</p><p>"Oh, uh…no," Peeta said with a nervous laugh. "No, it's not like that. We're friends. Just friends."</p><p>Katniss craned her head over her shoulder to level Peeta with a stare, but he avoided her eyes, running his hands through his hair and scratching the back of his neck. His cheeks were blazing.</p><p>"Yes, Haymitch," she began, finally erupting, "we're friends. <em>Just friends</em> who made a stupid drunken mistake that I'm going to end up paying for and regretting for the rest of my life!"</p><p>Peeta flinched. His hands balled into fists. His mouth set into a hard line and his eyes burned into the pavement at his feet. She'd wounded him. Her inexplicable fury had pushed her too far and made her say something she didn't really mean. Something that was too late to take back. She should've apologize, but her stubborn pride clamped her mouth closed. Peeta relaxed his fists and flexed his fingers. He took the keys out of his pocket and murmured that he would be in the car when she was ready to leave. Then he rounded the side of the house and was gone.</p><p>Haymitch clapped sardonically and cackled at her. "Well done, sweetheart. Let's hope he doesn't throw a chair through my goddamn window too!"</p><p>Katniss jutted here chin in defiance, meeting his steely gaze with her own.</p><p>"Oh, go ahead and glare at me all you want," Haymitch chided, "but you better listen and listen good. You have decided to have a baby with that boy and whether or not that is a regret or a mistake, it is a choice you have chosen to make. Your sourpuss scowl and nasty attitude aren't doing anything but fucking with his life, the baby's life and my life. Get your shit together and act like a damn adult!"</p><p>She could feel her anger deflating under his steady gaze and reprimand. She hated to admit it – and would never admit it to his face – but, Haymitch wasn't wrong. She was being obstinate for the sake of being obstinate and her anger was unfounded. Peeta had done nothing to warrant her attack. Their friendship had been mutually agreed upon and they certainly had never spoken of any kind of commitment like marriage. So, why did his comment still make her feel sick to her stomach?</p><p>"Here," she grumbled, reaching into her pocket and thrusting an ultrasound photo into Haymitch's hands. She turned to leave before he could say anything else.</p><p>She found Peeta leaning against his Jeep scrolling through the phone in his hand. As she approached him, he shoved the phone back into his pocket and slide behind the driver's seat without saying a word. She had wanted to apologize and explain her outburst, but her thoughts were muddled, and her tongue tied. With a heavy sigh she sat in the passenger seat and they drove back to her apartment in silence.</p><hr/><p>The chilly wind whipped across her face sending a shiver through her. She dipped further into her scarf and stuffed her hands into her hoodie pocket. She picked up her pace listening to the cadence of her footsteps as the soles of her shoes met the pavement. After Peeta had dropped her off with an awkward and stilted goodbye, she had decided she wasn't ready to go home yet. She needed to walk off this frustration, anxiety and guilt.</p><p>She headed down a small alley in the opposite direction of her apartment building. She let her feet carry her, not really paying attention to how the scenery changed around her. The foreboding presence of tall buildings gave way to grassy knolls and wooden fences. Her fingers skimmed across fence posts. Her eyes focused on the ground in front of her. Her thoughts tripping over themselves before finally landing on Peeta. She felt like she was stumbling blindly when it came to him. She had no idea what she was doing. Every time it felt like they were getting closer, she would push him away. He kept her at an arms distance now and she knew it was because he was protecting himself from being hurt by her. The nature of their relationship - <em>friendship</em> - was tenuous. It was new and they hadn't found their footing with each other yet. She didn't know when that would come or if it would come, but she wasn't intentionally trying to hurt him. She felt like an asshole. She needed to apologize, to explain that she didn't really think that the baby was a mistake or a regret she would have to live with. She had fears, of course, but ultimately, she chose to have this baby because she wanted it.</p><p>Her feet stilled. She buried her nose, red from the cold, into her scarf. She took in her surroundings. She had walked a lot farther and for a lot longer than she'd realized. She was on the outskirts of town where city buildings and neat rows of residential houses gave way to open fields and vast countryside. The sun was high in the sky and now that she was standing still, her legs felt heavy and tired. She ducked under the slats of a split rail fence and headed for a grouping of trees in the distance. She didn't know who owned this field and she hoped they would forgive her trespassing. She climbed up a few branches of the nearest tree and found a limb large enough to sit comfortably. She scoffed as she thought of the lecture Peeta would give her for climbing the tree in "her condition." She stretched her legs out in front of her and leaned into the massive trunk. Her hands, warm inside her hoodie pocket, settled over her small bump.</p><p>This tree, this field and the cold, crisp air felt like home. Not her small apartment, or Haymitch's house, but the home she had shared with Prim and her parents. The home with green grass, a tire swing and ample forested acreage for her to run, play and learn how to hunt. She thought of the tiny bow and arrow her father had made her. It was just a toy, but she'd thought it was real. She would follow him out as they silently trekked through the woods in the early mornings. She could still feel his large hands over her small ones as he taught her how to shoot. She slumped against the tree trunk, closing her eyes and clinging to the distant memories as quiet tears fell.</p><p>She awoke with a start as one of her legs slipped from the tree branch. She blinked through groggy, sleep filled eyes assessing her precarious position on the limb. She must have fallen asleep. The sun was sinking low in the sky and her legs and ears were so cold they felt numb. She hurriedly climbed down from the tree and hiked back to the road. Her quick pace warmed her legs and she adjusted the hood of her shirt to cover her ears. She knew she would be pushing it to get back to her apartment before dark. The pressure on her bladder wouldn't allow her to run, so she took a quicker path home then the one that had led her to the field. She cut through yards and around buildings until she found herself in front of the Chinese restaurant on the lower level of her building. The blinds were drawn, the doors locked and the neon Open sign was dark. She looked around questioningly. The restaurant seemed like it was always open and usually fairly busy, so she didn't understand how it would unexpectedly close. She reasoned that it was possible it had been closed for several days. She had been so preoccupied with everything going on in her life that she didn't take notice. She was cold and hungry. She had been thinking of greasy eggrolls all the way home. She heaved a sigh and continued around to the apartment entrance. She trudged up the stairs letting her footfalls echo heavily in the dimly lit hallway. She thought about ordering a pizza but didn't know if she could wait the hour or more it would take to be delivered. Her mind was so engrossed with thoughts of food that she didn't see the notice taped to her door until she was already standing in her kitchen.</p><p>
  <em>OFFICIAL NOTICE</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Re: All building tenants</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Please be advised that as of November 1, this building and all commercial and residential units within the building will be the property of Snow Enterprises. This notice is to make all tenants aware that you have 30 days from the date of this letter to vacate the premises. The sale of the building has rendered all current rental contracts null and void. If you have not vacated the premises within the allotted time frame, formal police assisted eviction will take place. Any surplus balance in rents at the time of departure will be refunded within 5 business days. Any questions regarding this notice can be directed to our legal department at the number listed below.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Cordially,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>C. Snow</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Snow Enterprises</em>
</p><p>Katniss balled the letter in her fist and slammed her door. She looked around at her tiny apartment. It wasn't much, but it was home. The original owners of the building, the Sae's, were kind, generous people. They had given Katniss a chance renting her the apartment even though she was barely 18 with little to no money at the time. They had also never raised her rent in the 6 years she had lived there making it truly one of the only places in town she could afford. She sunk down against her refrigerator, her hunger all but forgotten. What was she going to do now? She could move back in with Haymitch, but the thought turned her stomach. She couldn't imagine raising a baby there and having to take care of Haymitch as well. She could get another job, but who would hire her knowing full well that she would only be able to solidly work for the next 20 weeks or so.</p><p>The more she thought about it the more frustrated and angry she became. Who was this Snow person? Who would be so cruel as to kick good people out on the street? She imagined him getting some sick, twisted pleasure in typing up those letters knowing full well it was going to ruin people's lives.</p><p>Asshole.</p><p>She grabbed her phone to order the pizza she had wanted earlier. She knew she shouldn't spend the money, but she wanted at least one thing to go right today and that one thing would be her getting pizza. She blanched when she saw the notifications on the screen. Six texts and three missed calls, all from Peeta. She'd forgotten that she had put her phone on silent when they had gotten to Haymitch's house. She opened the phone to read the texts:</p><p>
  <em>12:47pm: I'm sorry for the way I acted earlier. Can we talk?</em>
</p><p>He's sorry? Guilt quickly pooled in her stomach. She had been the one who had treated him like dirt and he was apologizing. She sighed deeply and continued to read:</p><p>
  <em>2:03pm: I know you're mad, but I need to talk to you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>3:32pm: Please, Katniss.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>4:17pm: Can you at least let me know that you're ok?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>5:04pm: I'm starting to get worried.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>6:56pm: Seriously, Katniss. Please answer!</em>
</p><p>Pinned to the ground with overwhelming remorse, she quickly typed out a response to his last text but thought better of it and called him instead.</p><p>"Katniss?" Peeta's harried voice said. "Are you okay? I'm freaking out over here. I was just about to start calling the police and hospitals."</p><p>Before she could stop herself, she started to cry. Damn these pregnancy hormones. It was like her emotions had a mind of their own and she was powerless to stop them.</p><p>"Where are you?" Peeta's asked, his voice frantic.</p><p>"I'm…home," she blubbered incoherently through the onslaught of tears. She was now in the throes of a full-blown meltdown.</p><p>"I'll be there in ten minutes."</p><p>The line went dead. She dropped the phone to the ground and leaned her head back against the refrigerator. The tears continued to fall even as she willed them to stop. The day had been so emotionally draining and she assumed this was her pregnant body's way of dealing with it. Non-pregnant Katniss would have stomped through town with a scowl plastered on her face demanding to speak to Snow himself. Pregnant Katniss was reduced to a puddle of tears on the kitchen floor. She didn't know how she was going to make it through the remaining weeks with her dignity still intact.</p><p>Before she knew it, her door was being thrown open and a very frazzled Peeta was crouched down beside her. His hands hovered over her unsure where to go or what to do.</p><p>"Katniss, what happened? What's wrong? Are you hurt? Did something happen with the baby?" He asked softly, his hands finally resting on the sides of her face.</p><p>She couldn't look at him. She was so embarrassed. Embarrassed for her behavior that morning, embarrassed that she was unable to formulate the words to give him the proper apology that he deserved and embarrassed that he was seeing her – yet again – as an unstable, emotional wreck. She kept her eyes trained on the front of his shirt. He had a small stain near one of the buttons. She wondered if he realized it was there. She focused on his even breaths as they brushed gently against her cheek.</p><p>"Katniss, please," he begged.</p><p>She raised her hand, the letter from Snow still clutched in her fist. Peeta looked down at it and let go of her face. She raised her head to watch him. He plucked the letter from her grasp and lowered himself the rest of the way to the floor as he read it. His eyebrows pinched together in confusion. He opened and shut his mouth several times before dropping his hands into his lap. Katniss wiped the tears from her face. Her crying had ebbed and she took a deep breath turning to meet Peeta's gaze.</p><p>"You scared the shit out of me," he began quietly, breaking the silence that had fallen over them. "You can't do that. I lo—I was worried about you." He let the letter fall to the floor as he scrubbed his hands through his hair making it stand on end.</p><p>"I know. I'm sorry," she said with a hiccup that still lingered from her tears. "I'm sorry about all of it. Everything about today. The way I treated you, vanishing, worrying you and then crying like an escaped mental patient."</p><p>He smirked at her last remark and waved his hand with a shrug dismissing it. "S'ok."</p><p>She was relieved that he wasn't angry with her, but then she thought about how easily he had dismissed her behavior. How conditioned he had become to being treated poorly that he didn't think he deserved an apology. Her chest tightened.</p><p>"Peeta, it's not okay. I treated you terribly. I said hurtful things that I didn't mean. I'm scared shitless, but I don't regret this and I don't regret you."</p><p>He stared contemplatively towards her living room. A small, shy, appreciative smile graced his lips. Looking at him sitting in her kitchen, his cheeks flushed, his hair a mess, Katniss could feel any anger she had left towards him being chipped away. He turned his eyes to hers. The blue sparkling even in the dim lighting. He hesitated for a beat before speaking again.</p><p>"You should move in with me."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Shelter (Part One)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Peeta</strong>
</p><p>"<em>You should move in with me"</em></p><p>The words had left his mouth before he could really process what he was saying. The only thing he could focus on was the eviction notice on the floor, Katniss's tiny, cramped apartment and how much he'd desperately wanted to hold her when he'd stumbled through her door to find her sobbing on the kitchen floor. Katniss sat stunned against the refrigerator, her eyes blinking rapidly as she stared at him.</p><p>"I…I can't move in with you," she said incredulously. "I mean…I…we…I don't need your charity, Peeta. I'll figure out something."</p><p>"It won't be charity," he reasoned. "I have two extra rooms that I don't even use. One can be for you and one can be for the baby. Once he or she is here, I'm going to want to be there all the time anyway. So, this just makes sense. You can pay rent too, so it'll be just as much your house as it is mine."</p><p>She looked skeptical, but he could see the wheels turning in her head. She was weighing her options and she had to admit that what he said made sense. He was surprised by how much sense it made as well. When he initially made the offer, he wasn't thinking of anything other than his desire to have her near him all the time.</p><p>She leaned back against the refrigerator, her hands came to rest on the little bump forming on her stomach. She looked down at her hands and let out a long breath. "Okay."</p><p>"Okay?" He had heard her but needed to ask to be sure.</p><p>"Yeah, okay," she relented. "And, I thought them finding out about the baby was going to be bad. Johanna is going to have a field day teasing me about moving in with you. You should be prepared. I'm sure she'll be coming for you too."</p><p>Peeta smiled. "I'm not worried. I can handle Johanna. Besides, I think she kind of likes me. Maybe she'll go easy on me."</p><p>"She does and she won't," Katniss deadpanned. "Though, I can't understand why she would like you. You're <em>so </em>damn unlikable Mellark," she said sarcastically, a small smile lifting the edges of her mouth.</p><p>"I know. I'm the absolute <em>worst.</em>"</p><p>The melodic laugh that Peeta had been longing to hear again rang out across the kitchen. Internally, he was fist pumping the air in celebration. He had been keeping Katniss at arm's length for weeks now. He did it to spare her heart as much as his. He couldn't take seeing her as heartbroken again as she was after he had told her about Proja and he didn't want to feel his heart shatter the way it did in those weeks either. So, he had been cautious and limiting with his affection even though he desperately wanted to touch her, taste her, feel her in his arms and wrapped around his body once more. He took a deep, shuddering breath as the adrenaline and nervous energy coursed through him. He was so in love with her that it hurt, but he still wasn't sure how she felt. So, if it meant that he could only be her friend then that would have to be enough for him. At least she and their baby would be in his life every day. He couldn't ask for much more than that.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>Katniss</strong>
</p><p>The space seemed so much bigger without all of her belongings in it. It had taken a couple of weeks to mentally prepare herself and pack up her belongings for the move, but as she stood in the empty living room of her apartment, her arms wrapped tightly around her middle the memories of her years there flooded her mind.</p><p>Eating way too much junk food and dancing like a fool in the living room with Prim.</p><p>Her first time drinking with Gale to celebrate her moving in and the terrible hangover she experienced after.</p><p>The awkward and fumbling way she lost her virginity to Gale on that same drunken night.</p><p>Celebrating with Prim when she got accepted to her dream school.</p><p>Holidays and birthdays.</p><p>Crying happy tears when Gale showed her the ring he planned to propose to Madge with.</p><p>The time she almost burned the place down by leaving a dishtowel too close to the stovetop.</p><p>The sound of Peeta's moans as she straddled him on her bed.</p><p>The way Peeta held her on the bathroom floor as they both cried when they found out she was pregnant.</p><p>She sighed as she walked through each room one last time making sure she hadn't left anything behind. Peeta and Thresh had loaded everything into a small moving truck. It wasn't much. Other than her furniture everything she owned fit in less than ten boxes. She was glad Thresh had been willing to help. He had listened silently as Peeta explained the situation then quietly congratulated them both and agreed to help with the move. She had loathed having to ask Haymitch and the onslaught of snide remarks that would've occurred, so she felt incredibly indebted to Thresh.</p><p>She entered her tiny kitchen for the last time and dropped the apartment keys on the counter. Through the window she could see Peeta and Thresh as they leaned against the truck chatting and waiting for her. She didn't know if she was ready for this. It felt like Snow and his eviction notice were pushing Peeta and her together too fast. Maybe the move would've eventually happened anyway, especially with a baby coming, but she would've liked it to have been on her terms and not something she was forced to do because she had no other choice.</p><p>She was also unsure about how she really felt about Peeta. There definitely was a physically attraction that she couldn't deny, but she didn't know if something longer term was possible, or even if that was something he wanted. She had never been down this road before and had never wanted to. She knew how painful it was to lose the people who mattered most and who you loved with everything you had. She hadn't wanted to risk that feeling again, but she did want this baby to have the experience of having both of its parents in its life so she knew that even with the apprehension she felt, moving in with Peeta was a good decision. Her fingertips trailed the countertop as she walked to the towards the door to exit the apartment for the last time. She closed the door behind her, feeling the clasp of the doorknob click in her hand then she headed out of the building without ever looking back.</p><hr/><p>She tiptoed through the kitchen even though she was the only one home.</p><p>Home.</p><p>It was strange how she had already considered this house her home after only a few days. She had thought it would be awkward and smothering living with someone else, but Peeta worked long hours, except on Wednesday and Sunday when the restaurant was closed, so Katniss had a significant amount of alone time. She couldn't explain it because she had always been someone who cherished the freedom of being by herself, but she felt sad and lonely when Peeta wasn't there. She had a hard time admitting it to herself, but she missed him. To ease the loneliness, she would often spend her time in the kitchen because it was the place in the house that reminded her most of him. The pregnancy also made her insanely hungry, so camping out in the kitchen allowed her to, as the idiom said, kill two birds with one stone.</p><p>She leaned against the island countertop idly picking at a blueberry muffin from the batch that Peeta had left in a container in the center of the island. Now that she lived with him, she had become familiar with his lack of sleep. She had heard him cry out in the night sometimes followed by his heavy footsteps as he made his way to the kitchen to bake. The first night she had been so distraught over the sounds of his distress that she had gotten up and made it as far as her doorway before deciding better of it and turning around.</p><p>Peeta had moved his bedroom to the empty one at the foot of the stairs and had given Katniss the master bedroom, master bathroom and empty bedroom – that they both decided would work for a nursery – upstairs. So, while she knew he tried to hide it, the sounds of his nightmares could easily be heard. In the past several nights she had taken to sitting in bed and fighting with herself about what to do until she would hear him get up. Neither of them were getting much sleep.</p><p>Katniss eyed the clock knowing she would need to leave for work soon. Johanna had been relentless in her teasing when she found out that Katniss and Peeta had moved in together. Johanna's relentlessness had rubbed off on some of the other staff members and so the teasing, while good natured, was almost nonstop. Katniss knew people would eventually grow bored or some new piece of gossip would grab their attention and the teasing would stop, but until then she made a point to arrive at work at the last minute. At 18 weeks pregnant, people also liked to reach out and touch her small bourgeoning bump, which she hated, so arriving late help curtail that to a degree as well.</p><p>She was thankful that it was Tuesday and that she would have two consecutive days off with the Thanksgiving holiday. She needed it and she knew that Peeta needed it as well. He had to be exhausted. She didn't know how he did it. Peeta hadn't mentioned much to her about the holiday, only that he hadn't had it off in several years. Other restaurants that he worked in didn't close, but Haymitch was actually pretty sentimental when it came to holiday celebrations, so he always closed District 12 for Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's. She wondered if Peeta would be visiting his family. Since Prim had moved away for school, Katniss hadn't celebrated the holiday. Prim had always stayed at school until winter break to save money with airfare and Katniss had always stayed home with takeout and Netflix. She had always been fine with that, enjoyed it even, but suddenly the thought of being alone for the holiday made her incredibly sad.</p><hr/><p>The restaurant had been extremely busy. They always were right before they closed for a holiday, but Katniss was thankful for the extra workload. It allowed her to get lost in her job. Everyone else was busy as well, which kept the teasing and the unwanted touching at bay. Peeta had left the house at 10am in order to help prep the kitchen for the rush and the additional holiday themed items on the menu. He had now been on his feet for over 12 hours and Katniss watched as he slumped against the worktop while he talked with Thresh and a line cook named Thom. She was worried about Peeta. She wished that she knew how to help him.</p><p>"Hey there, lovebird," Johanna purred into her ear.</p><p>"Hey. And, just when I thought I would escape without hearing shit tonight," Katniss groaned.</p><p>"I'm not the one standing here practically eye fucking our hunky, blonde chef," Johanna replied, her hands up in mock surrender.</p><p>Katniss rolled her eyes and lowered her voice. "I am <em>not</em> eye fucking him. I'm worried about him. He doesn't sleep. I wish I knew how to help him."</p><p>"Oh, I know a way you can help him."</p><p>"Never mind, Jo" Katniss sighed and turned to walk away. Johanna grabbed her by the arm to stop her.</p><p>"I'm sorry. I'm just trying to have some fun. You know how I get around the holidays."</p><p>Katniss stopped. She knew. Johanna had lost her whole family. Katniss didn't know the details. She had tried to no avail to pry them out of her friend over many drinks. It was the one thing that initially bonded the women together. Loss and grief are powerful.</p><p>She laid a hand on Johanna's cheek, "I know."</p><p>"Blondie's tough. He's been through some shit too. I can tell," Johanna said wistfully. "Whatever's keeping him awake at night…he'll figure it out. We all figure out a way to cope with our demons."</p><p>Katniss watched as Johanna's eyes got glassy and then as if she realized her mistake, Johanna blinked rapidly, pinched the bridge of her nose and then aimed her most mischievous smile at Katniss.</p><p>"I'm sure a little Katniss Everdeen midnight therapy session wouldn't hurt." Johanna waggled her eyebrows.</p><p>Katniss rolled her eyes but smiled. "You're terrible."</p><p>"Seriously, though Kat. He'll be ok."</p><p>"I hope you're right."</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>Peeta</strong>
</p><p>It was nearly 1am before he dragged his tired body through the front door. His eyelids felt heavy. His knee was killing him. He sat on the foot of the stairs and rubbed the knee idly while carefully and quietly removing his coat and shoes. He knew Katniss would be asleep by now. They had closed the restaurant at 10pm, but he, Thresh and Thom had stayed late doing inventory and putting together a purchase order for when the restaurant reopened on Friday. He couldn't remember a time when he had been more thankful for Thanksgiving. Two days off was just want he needed.</p><p>He crept slowly through the living room towards the bathroom down the hall when something caught his eye. In the faint glow of the small corner lamp, he spied Katniss curled on her side, one hand still clutching an open book, peacefully asleep on the couch. He still couldn't believe she was here with him. She was so beautiful. He hoped that their child would look like her. He grabbed a flannel throw from the back of the couch and covered her sleeping form. He reached down and gently plucked the book out of her hands. As he was closing the book, her hand reached out and grasped his wrist.</p><p>"What time is it," Katniss's sleepy voice asked.</p><p>"It's a little after one in the morning."</p><p>Her eyes blinked open and found his. They locked eyes. In the stillness of the house, he could hear the rapid pace of his heart beating in his ears. He hoped she couldn't hear it too.</p><p>"You're just getting home?" She asked, concern lacing her words.</p><p>He nodded. "Thresh, Thom and I had to do some prepping for the reopen. It took longer than we anticipated. You should go back to bed."</p><p>"No, no I'm okay," she said while stretching and sitting up. "I was waiting for you. I didn't mean to fall asleep down here."</p><p>She looked up at him sheepishly. Her hair was tousled and cheeks were ruddy. He desperately wanted to kiss her. He stood up and headed toward the kitchen instead.</p><p>"Mind if I grab something to eat? I'm starving," he asked.</p><p>"No! Are you kidding? I don't think I saw you sit down once today. Please eat something."</p><p>A slight blush warmed his cheeks at the realization that she had been watching and that she worried about him. Other than his father, no one really worried about him. "Hungry?" He asked with his head in the refrigerator to hide his blush.</p><p>"Always."</p><p>Peeta chuckled behind the open door.</p><p>"Hey! Don't laugh. Your crazy spawn has me hungry and peeing all damn day and night. I blame this entirely on your genetics," she replied with a laugh.</p><p>Peeta walked out of the kitchen waving a white napkin over a plate holding two halves of a sandwich. "I surrender! The terms of my surrender is this turkey sandwich."</p><p>"Surrender accepted," she replied taking one of the halves from the plate. She moaned slightly at the first bite. "Your turkey sandwiches are so good. You should add them to the lunch menu."</p><p>"Thanks," he said, his hand coming up to cover his mouthful of food. "I talked to Haymitch about changing up the lunch menu and he isn't willing to make any changes until after the first of the year, but if he lets me I'll definitely add it. We'll call it 'The Katniss.'"</p><p>Katniss snorted and rolled her eyes. Now that he had some food in his stomach and had finally sat down for the day, his body felt like it was full of lead weights. Getting up from the couch felt like a monumental feat. He absentmindedly rubbed his knee.</p><p>"It's hurting today," Katniss stated.</p><p>He nodded and flexed his foot to try and work out some of the soreness. He leaned his head against the back of the couch and let his eyes fall closed. The constant throbbing behind his eyes let him know that he really needed to sleep. He felt the couch shift as Katniss moved around and then he felt a pair of hands on his leg. His eyes popped open. He lifted his head to see Katniss kneeling before him with her hands on the leg of his pants.</p><p>"Katniss, wha – "</p><p>"May I?" She asked gesturing to his knee.</p><p>All he could do was nod in agreement and actively remind himself to breath. Katniss placed her slender hands gently on his knee and used her thumbs to apply pressure while rubbing circles on the inner and outer part of the knee. Her fingers lightly massaged his calf. He closed his eyes again. Outside of physical therapists, no one had every massaged his knee for him. The colder weather and long hours had caused it ache almost continually. It was another reason he wasn't sleeping very well. He couldn't help the groan that escaped his lips as Katniss's fingers found a particularly tender spot.</p><p>"Is this okay?" she asked in a voice barely above a whisper.</p><p>"Mmhmm"</p><p>It was the only sound he could make. He didn't trust himself to speak in fear he would say something that would ruin this moment. His eyes fluttered open and were met by mesmerizing, brilliant pewter orbs. He couldn't look away. As they stared at each other a tendril of hair worked its way out of Katniss's braid and framed her face brushing gently against her cheek. Hers eyes quickly glanced down as his mouth and her tongue darted out to wet her lips. His heart thumped erratically in his chest. He could feel himself growing hard. His hands itched to reach out and pull her to him. He shifted on the couch, a battle warring inside of him as he tried to decide what to do. The shift caused Katniss's hand to slip off his knee. She reached out to balanced herself. Her hand landed on his upper thigh grazing against his growing erection. She jumped back pulling both of her hands away from him. He quickly sat up ready to mumble an apology, a furious blush creeping up his neck. Katniss cleared her throat as she stood, her eyes downcast.</p><p>"I…I should probably get to bed."</p><p>"Yeah…me too." He shifted again and her eyes lifted to his.</p><p>"Goodnight, Peeta," she whispered before turning and practically flying up the stairs.</p><p>"Goodnight," he replied to the empty living room. He brought his elbows to his knees and laid his face in his hands with a groan.</p><p>Fucking idiot. Worthless, worthless, worthless.</p><p>His mother's words bounced around his tired mind. With a heavy sigh he got up from the couch, deposited the empty plate in the kitchen sink and headed towards the hall bathroom. He gently closed the door, striped out of his clothes and stepped into the shower. He let the water beat a rhythm across his back as his face pressed against the cool tile. Images of Katniss's full lips, glistening from the moisture of her tongue, her silvery eyes boring into him, and the tendril of hair float through his mind. The memory of her hand grazing against him caused him to shiver despite the warmth of the shower stall. He gripped himself firmly and began to stroke, burying his face into his forearm to cover the moan. It was over embarrassingly quick and he struggled to not call out Katniss's name as he finished. He let his head fall back into the warm spray of water and wondered if Katniss Everdeen would ever love him as much and as deeply as he loved her.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>Katniss</strong>
</p><p>She had run up to her room and jumped into her bed like a frightened child and that annoyed the shit out of her. Her heart still pounded in her chest. She couldn't get the sound of his moan or the feel of the hardness that tented his pants out of her mind. She had wanted to kiss him and had fought with herself to avoid it as she'd massaged his knee. His mouth was just so damn kissable. Even through the shut door of her bedroom she could hear Peeta's heavy gait as he walked through the house towards the second bathroom.</p><p>She threw her head back on the pillow. She thought about his eyes. Most people she had seen had a dimmer blue, but Peeta's eyes sparkled like sapphire gemstones. They were so unnaturally blue, that if she didn't know him, she would've assumed they were fake. His eyes held so much depth as well. Every emotion that he tried to hide she could see it. She knew how perilously close they had gotten to crossing the line of friendship that they had laid down. She tossed and turned out of frustration in the bed. The friction of her movements causing the wetness between her thighs to become more noticeable. The ache that had started when she'd laid her hands on him in the living room was still there as well.</p><p>She allowed her hand to roam down her stomach and under the waistband of her panties. Her fingers glided through the slick heat that pooled there and she thought about the look on Peeta's face that one night several months before. How surprised he had been to find her there waiting for him. The hesitation that ultimately lost to his desire. The way he arched slightly when she sank down on top of him. The stray lock of hair that hung loosely on his forehead as he looked up at her.</p><p>Her body jerked at her frantic touch, her breathing chaotic. She turned and stifled her moans into her pillow. Her body arched a final time, trembling before she fell heavy and boneless onto the mattress. She curled onto her side and hugged her pillow close. Confusion wracked her thoughts. Confusion about her feelings for Peeta and the way her body reacted to simply touching him. Confusion about what the future would hold and how they could continue on as just friends when she constantly felt bombarded by too many feelings whenever she was in his presence. She wanted to be angry at him while simultaneously wanting him to feel only love. She wanted to make him hurt while also wanting to make him laugh. She wanted to push him away while also never letting go. She sighed and closed her eyes. A single tear escaped from under her lids as she fell into a fitful sleep.</p><hr/><p>A loud crash and the sound of glass shattering emanated from the floor below startling her awake. She looked at the time on her phone to see that it was barely 8am. She felt like she had just fallen asleep ten minutes prior. She hauled herself out of bed and quickly used the bathroom before she crept slowly down the stairs to investigate the noise. She found Peeta standing in the kitchen cursing under his breath, his hand under the running faucet in the sink and shards of a glass baking dish at his feet. A steady stream of blood ran from a cut on his hand. He was wearing a sleeveless white t-shirt and khaki colored canvas pants, both of which were covered in various colors of paint. Smudges of paint adorned his arms and face.</p><p>"Peeta?" She questioned from the kitchen doorway.</p><p>"Don't come in here," he cautioned holding up his free hand. "There's glass everywhere. I don't want you to cut yourself."</p><p>She took in the scene. The baking supplies on the counter, the broken dish and glass shards on the ground, the smears of blood on the floor and cabinet door, and Peeta's disheveled appearance. She made a snap decision and ran up to her room grabbing her thick rubber rain boots. She slid them on and made her way into the kitchen. The glass crunched under her feet. Peeta turned, his face full of worry and alarm.</p><p>"Katniss, I told you to stay out. I'll get this cleaned up."</p><p>"It's ok," she said pointing to her boots. "Let me see your hand."</p><p>He held up his hand. There was a pretty sizable gash on the side that ran from his pinky to the midpoint of his palm. It was bleeding fairly consistently but wasn't very deep. Katniss grabbed paper towels and held them to the cut. "Apply pressure. I'll go get some gauze and tape. It doesn't look too deep so I don't think you'll need stitches."</p><p>"How do you know that?" Peeta asked surprised.</p><p>"My mother was a trauma surgeon and Prim is studying to be the same. We were taught basic first aid from a very young age."</p><p>He winced as she cleaned the cut. "If it continues to bleed even after applying pressure and the bandage then you may have to have it looked at, but I think it'll be okay," she said as she bandaged his hand.</p><p>"Thank you," he said in a soft voice.</p><p>She truly took in his appearance once his cut was bandaged. The dark circles under his eyes and the pallor of his face made her breath catch in her throat. "Peeta, did you sleep?"</p><p>"I…I got a little bit of sleep," he stammered, looking away and reaching for the broom and dustpan. "I was painting in my studio and I lost track of time. When I realized what time it was, I thought I would make something for breakfast, but I dropped the baking dish. I didn't mean to wake you. I'm so sorry. About this and about last night."</p><p>He quickly stooped down and began to clean the glass from the floor. She knelt down beside him and placed her hands over his. He stopped cleaning and looked up at her. In his eyes she saw nothing but remorse. In that moment, she knew that she needed to forgive him for New Orleans. She would never forget, of course, but she could see the emotional toll her anger had taken on him. That morning in the kitchen as they both knelt in the scattered mess of broken glass was the final blow to the wall she had built up. It had completely crumbled. Her heart was now left unguarded when it came to him. It made her feel vulnerable but also strangely powerful. She now had the power to forgive him. The power to allow herself happiness with him and a future hope of a family for their baby. The power to give him her love and receive his in return. If he would allow it.</p><p>"Peeta," she said, her palm cupping his cheek. His eyes fluttered closed. She wished she had better words to tell him how she felt. Every word that filtered through her mind didn't seem right, so she did the only thing she could think of. She kissed him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Shelter (Part Two)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Peeta</strong>
</p><p>His body froze. His tired mind scrambled to comprehend what was happening. The persistent throbbing behind his eyes still drummed its unsteady rhythm. He listened to the crunch of the glass beneath her boots as she leaned into him. Her warms lips pressed against his. Her other hand coming up to frame his face. His stunned reaction dissolved as he melted into the kiss. The broom and dustpan fell to the floor. His hands grasped her waist bringing her up to a standing position and pulling her tightly against him. The kiss was sweet, just a pressing of lips, and over far too soon. Even though it lacked the passion and intensity of their previous kisses, his heart still assaulted his ribcage. The meaning behind the kiss was clear. Katniss was done being just friends.</p><p>She was the first to let go. Her fingers trailed down his face and chest as she crouched down picking up the broom and dustpan, quickly cleaned up all of the broken glass. He nervously pulled at his fingers debating on what exactly to say to her now. He was usually so good with words, but the constant lack of sleep had caused his thoughts to muddle and the words were harder to find. Katniss deposited the glass shards in the trash bin and then silently grasped his uninjured hand leading him out of the kitchen and up the stairs to her bedroom. He sucked in a shaky breath. He didn't know where this was going and wasn't sure if he was ready for whatever she had in mind. She wordlessly pulled him through the bedroom towards the bathroom and gently pushed him down into a seated position at the edge of the large clawfoot bathtub. She walked to the linen closet and pulled out several washcloths and a large towel.</p><p>The sound of rushing water filled the room as Katniss turned the tub knobs and adjusted the water to a perfect temperature. Her hands found the hem of his shirt. Her fingers floated over the exposed skin leaving a trail of goosebumps that caused him to shiver. She guided the shirt over his head. He was suddenly thankful for the tiled room and the cacophony of water sounds echoing throughout. He was sure that without it, Katniss would be able to hear the loud, erratic beats of his heart. She grasped his hand again and pulled him to a standing position. It was in this position that he finally got a good look at himself in the bathroom mirror. His arms were covered in smudges of paint and there were streaks of color on his cheeks and in his hair. His eyes were still rimmed red from the tears that he had shed while he was painting. That redness only helped to accentuate the darkness under his eyes that conveyed just how truly exhausted he was.</p><p>Katniss's hands on the button of his pants caused him to jump, his eyes wide as she undid the button and pulled the zipper down. She maneuvered the pants off of his hips. The heavy canvas material fell to the ground. He stepped out of them and was left standing before her in nothing more than his boxers. Confusion and apprehension kept him from having an obvious erection. They locked eyes. She gently grabbed his elbow and motioned for him to get into the tub. He obeyed, stepping into the tub and lowering himself into the water – boxers and all – careful to keep his injured hand dry. The warm water felt amazing and had this been any other situation he would have gladly relaxed into it, but he kept his knees awkwardly drawn up towards his chest as he watched Katniss turn off the water and gather up his dirty clothes.</p><p>She appeared next to the tub again, sinking down to her knees on the floor. Her hand applied a light pressure to his forehead pushing his head back. He closed his eyes. The warm water trickled over his hair, over his shoulders and down his back. Slender fingers scraped softly across his scalp. The smell of shampoo hung in the air. The pressure of a hand on his forehead again. More warm water traversing from the top of him into the tub. Soapy bubbled caressed his calves.</p><p>"You know," Katniss quietly said while using a washcloth to wipe the paint from his arm, "it just occurred to me that you spend every day taking care of people. You cook for strangers. You make Jo laugh when you can tell she's feeling down. You make sure that Haymitch gets something to eat when he's been too busy to realize he's hungry or if he's drank too much." She moved the washcloth to his back. "You made sure I had a place to live without hesitation. You never questioned keeping the baby. You jumped in with both feet even though I know you must be as petrified as I am. You take care of all of us, but who takes care of you?"</p><p>She gingerly wiped the remaining paint from his face before wringing out the washcloth and laying it over the side of the tub. Her hand came back to his face, smoothing over his eyebrows. Her fingers glided down his cheek.</p><p>"I want to take care of you, Peeta. Will you let me?"</p><p>He nodded unable to speak for fear the words would catch in his throat. He swallowed thickly. Tears pricked his eyes. No one had ever asked this of him before. What he did for others was done without forethought. He liked to be of help and to be able to make people feel good. He had never considered what it would be like for someone to want to take care of him. Before he could stop them, hot tears fell from his eyes. He turned his head away in shame. The voice of his mother fighting its way to the surface of his mind.</p><p>"Hey," Katniss said turning his face towards hers. "Let's get some sleep."</p><p>She stood and held the towel out to him. He lifted himself out of the water and took the towel from her then remembered that he was standing in soaking wet boxers. She seemed to realize the same thing and held up a finger before running out of the room. She reappeared a few moments later with a pair of clean underwear in her hand. She laid them on the bathroom counter and then exited the room giving him a shy smile as she closed the door. He stepped out of the tub, pulled up the plug and let the water flow down the drain. He quickly stripped the water-logged boxers from his body and ran the towel over himself before pulling the dry shorts on. Stepping out of the bathroom he found Katniss in her bed, the quilt pulled up to her chin. She smiled at him and patted the empty space beside her. He slid under the soft, warm blanket. It smelled of her. He could drown in that scent if she'd let him. Katniss found her way to his chest and laid her head over his beating heart. He wondered if she knew that it belonged to her. It had belonged to her all along. He ran his fingers through the ends of her hair and welcomed sleep as his eyes drifted closed.</p><hr/><p>Contentment. That was the only way to describe how he felt when his eyes fluttered open to find himself still in Katniss's room with the late afternoon sun shining through the window. He was alone. He buried his face in the sheets as he rolled on his stomach and stretched his limbs. Amazingly, he felt rested. The throbbing behind his eyes was gone. He still needed more sleep, but he would be able to make it through the rest of the day without requiring copious amounts of caffeine. Sitting up in the bed he spied a pair of his sweatpants and a t-shirt folded neatly on a chair in the corner of the room. He smiled at the sweet gesture and got out of the bed to get dressed. Padding down the stairs, he found Katniss perched on a stool at the kitchen island. She stared intently at her phone with earbuds in both ears. Her toes tapped rhythmically on the leg of the stool and her head swayed gently back and forth. She suddenly became aware of his presence and blushed while pulling the buds from her ears.</p><p>"Hey," she said with a timid smile, her hand brushing a stray hair behind her ear.</p><p>"Hi," he replied. He suddenly felt embarrassed and unsure of what to do. He knew what he wanted to do. His entire body – especially the area located in his pelvis – was screaming at him about what to do. His gaze drifted from Katniss to the digital clock on the microwave. "Oh, fuck!" he exclaimed.</p><p>"What?" Katniss asked following the direction of his gaze.</p><p>"I told Finn I would bake some pies and make a couple of side dishes for tomorrow. I didn't realize I slept so long. I wanted to get to work on everything much earlier today."</p><p>"I'm…I'm sorry," Katniss stammered. "I didn't realize you had plans for tomorrow or I would've woken you up. I know you needed the sleep and you looked so peaceful."</p><p>"No, please don't apologize. I did need it. What you did for me was amazing." He flashed her a genuine smile. He hadn't felt this weeks. "I just promised a friend I would make some stuff for Thanksgiving tomorrow. I've been celebrating the holiday with him and his family for the past couple of years. With everything going on I didn't even think to ask you what your plans were. Is Prim coming home?"</p><p>"Oh, uh…no. She stays at school until winter break. It's just a lot easier and cheaper to fly her home once rather than flying her back and forth. I usually just eat take-out and watch a movie."</p><p>"You don't celebrate with Haymitch?"</p><p>"Ha, no. As fond as Haymitch is of the holidays, he prefers to be alone. I asked him once a couple years ago and he damn near bit my head off. I think he lost someone close during this time of year. I'm not entirely sure though. He doesn't talk about it."</p><p>"You should come with me," he said, suddenly giddy at the prospect in light of the recent developments in their relationship.</p><p>"Peeta…no. I couldn't. I don't even know your friends and I wouldn't want to impose."</p><p>"Trust me, they will be thrilled. They have been bugging me to meet you for weeks now. It's just a small dinner. They have no family that lives close, so it's just been the four of us for the last couple years."</p><p>"They've been wanting to meet <em>me</em>?" Katniss asked skeptically.</p><p>"You have no idea. Every time I talk to Finnick all I hear about is how much Annie wants to meet you and how excited they are about the baby."</p><p>"Wait. Finnick? As in, Finnick Odair?"</p><p>Peeta nodded finally moving from the doorway to start gathering cooking and baking supplies.</p><p>"Finnick Odair, the movie star?" She asked, her mouth hanging slightly open in disbelief. She had heard people talking in the restaurant a couple of years ago about how he had moved into the area but had thought nothing of it at the time.</p><p>"Yeah," Peeta chuckled. "Although, if he sees that look on your face he will be incorrigible all night."</p><p>Katniss swiftly closed her mouth, a scowl covering the shocked look on her face. "I'm just surprised. How do you know Finnick?"</p><p>Peeta quickly relayed the details of his working for and ultimately becoming friends with Finnick and how he and his family lived in the vicinity. Peeta told her about Annie and Finnick's son Jacob.</p><p>"They've been there for me for almost seven years. They know all the good, bad and ugly. They are like my family," Peeta said as he preheated the oven and continued to pull ingredients out. "What do you think?"</p><p>He could see the trepidation etched on her face. He knew that Katniss wasn't known for being a social butterfly by any standard and throwing her into an expensive house full of strangers would be daunting, but to his surprise and genuine delight, she agreed.</p><p>She snagged her bottom lip with her teeth as she stared pensively out of the kitchen window. A smile bloomed on his face and desire pooled in his belly. In his mind he saw a scenario playing out in which he kissed her deeply pulling that lip into his mouth, lifting her onto the island countertop and making her moan his name. With a frustrated shake of his head, he cleared the image from his mind and set to work on the dishes he had promised the Odair family.</p><hr/><p>Katniss</p><p>She and Peeta spent the rest of the day preparing the dishes for Thanksgiving with the Odairs. She still couldn't believe that she was going to meet Finnick Odair. Prim would lose her shit if she knew. Maybe she would be able to get Finnick to take a picture with her so she could text it to Prim later. As long as she didn't freeze up or act like an ass. She had never been great or very comfortable in front of strangers. She reminded herself that Peeta would be there too so she wouldn't be alone and he had called them his family which made her want to meet them even more.</p><p>Peeta apologized to her several times for making her work on her day off. She told him it wasn't a problem. She meant that. Watching Peeta cook was one of her guilty pleasures. She loved seeing the way the tendons in his arms flexed as he kneaded dough or the look of pure concentration on his face as he worked through a recipe. She especially loved to watch the occasional errant bead of sweat that would work its way down from his damp hairline and disappear into his shirt to traverse the taut muscles of his back as he labored over various pots and pans simmering on the stovetop.</p><p>She helped him prep and cook an orange and cranberry chutney as well as the filling for three different pies, one savory and two sweet. While everything cooked he had set about making pie dough and bread dough for cheese buns. He told her with a wink that the cheese buns were Finnick and Annie's son Jacob's favorite and that he would be officially banned from the house if he didn't show up with at least a dozen. He made two dozen just to be safe.</p><p>At one point, as he arduously kneaded and worked the dough, he caught her staring and playfully teased her by saying, "you're staring Miss Everdeen. Be careful or you might make me blush." Which of course caused her own face to glow scarlet, or as scarlet as her olive complexion would allow. She buried her face in her hands with a laugh, but as the laugh died down and the blush faded an old forgotten memory worked its way to the forefront of her mind.</p><p>"I visited your family's bakery once. Did you know that?" She asked, her elbows propped on the countertop and her face still in her hands.</p><p>He shook his head.</p><p>"Haymitch took me there shortly after my parents died. I had stopped eating and I think he thought he could entice me to eat something sweet."</p><p>Peeta listened thoughtfully, his hands still working the dough.</p><p>"The thing was, at least at that time, Haymitch didn't have much money," she continued. "I'm sure it was hard being saddled with the financial responsibility of two young girls too, but he still took me with the hope that we would be able to get something that wasn't too expensive that I would actually want to eat. One of your brothers, the middle one I think, was working the register at the time and I remember that along with the delicious smell of baked goods there was also a smell like something had been burnt."</p><p>Peeta's movements with the dough stuttered and then stopped completely. He removed them from the dough. His eyes met hers and then flitted away to focus on his hands still covered in flour and bits of dough.</p><p>"Haymitch wandered through the storefront while I sat at one of the small tables by the window. He kept asking me if I wanted this thing or that thing, but I couldn't choose anything. I felt guilty that Haymitch was spending money he didn't really have on me. I felt like I would owe him without a way to repay him the debt. Then, I noticed a pan near the back wall. I asked your brother about it and he told us that his little brother had burned the two loaves. Granted at this time we could hear a commotion coming from the kitchen in the back. I don't think anyone but your brother knew we had come into the store."</p><p>"No," Peeta said in a hushed voice.</p><p>"I asked how much it would cost for the burnt loaves and your brother said we could have them. He was supposed to throw them out anyway. So, he quickly bagged them up because the noise in the kitchen was getting louder and we could hear the sound of yelling and thrashing. Then there was a loud crash, someone cried out and then silence. Haymitch took the loaves and rushed me out of the store. I was too scared to go back in there again, but I ate the bread. Even burnt it was delicious. Seeing me eat made Prim smile. I still remember that smile and the hope that it brought."</p><p>Peeta put the dough he had been working into a bowl and covered it with a towel then turned his back to her and began washing his hands.</p><p>"My mother had always wanted a baby girl," he said softly. Katniss saw his shoulders slump slightly like an enormous weight had fallen on them. "She was excited when Proja was born, even though he wasn't the girl she had dreamed of and when he turned three, my mother and father decided to try again. Rye was born a year later. My mother would often say that Rye was an utter disappointment to her in every way starting with the fact that he had been born a boy. Then, less than two years after Rye's birth, I was born. My mother has always said that I was the mistake. The birth that was never supposed to happen. I was weak and pathetic and everything she never wanted."</p><p>"Oh, Peeta," Katniss breathed. Her body shook with anger and sadness. She wanted nothing more than to claw that vile woman's eyes out.</p><p>Peeta turned around to face her. His face blank but his eyes spoke volumes. "It wasn't always bad. She took care of me at first and she might have even loved me a little then. Something changed when I was five. I'm still not sure what it was that made her dislike me so much, but that was the first time she hit me. The day you took the bread I had burned the loaves on accident. They were dark, dense loaves and I hadn't been watching them properly. My mother wasn't typically in the bakery at that time of day. My father was out doing a delivery, so she was there and had seen it happen. She had been rolling out dough and she had one of the large rolling pins in her hands and she…well, you heard the noise."</p><p>He shrugged and looked away taking a deep, ragged breath. Katniss saw his fingers distractedly brush over his left forearm. He took another deep breath and pushed off of the counter heading back to his work.</p><p>"Did she hit you? With the rolling pin?" Katniss asked hesitantly. She hadn't meant to say it, but the words were out of her mouth before she could stop herself.</p><p>"Yes," he whispered in reply. "She broke my arm in two places. Let's…can we stop talking about this now? I don't want to think about my mother anymore. Can we go back to you pretending not to stare at me?"</p><p>He flashed a timid smile at her and she couldn't help the smile that formed on her lips. They returned to their work and she didn't mention his mother again, but she couldn't help the anger and sadness that nearly overwhelmed her as she thought of a small, frightened, 11-year-old Peeta being hit so hard with a rolling pin that it broke his arm in two places. She rested her hands on her small bump, idly stroking it and thought that even with the abuse he endured, their baby was going to be lucky to have Peeta Mellark for a father.</p><hr/><p>The dim light from above the sink filtered across his face as he sighed, his head coming to rest against the lower cabinet door. Katniss sat perched on the countertop transfixed as she watched the way his long lashes fluttered gently while he slept. She yawned and reached her hands above her head to stretch her back. The clock on the oven read 2:06am and showed there was only three minutes left until the last pie was done baking. Peeta had fallen asleep ten minutes prior as he sat on the floor waiting for the pie to finish. Once she knew he was asleep, she turned off the oven's timer and climbed onto the countertop to watch the clock and take the pie out at the appropriate time.</p><p>Like Peeta, she was also exhausted, but she knew that if she were to lay down right now she wouldn't be able to go to sleep yet. She had too many things occupying her thoughts to be able to turn off her brain for sleep. She mused about the ridiculousness of life and wondered if she and Peeta would have still ended up here even if her parents had never died. What if his mother had been kind to him? What if they had spoken to each other in school? What if his brother was still alive? There were too many what ifs to consider. She would never really know for sure. Sitting in the dark kitchen with him at that moment felt right and that was all she needed to focus on.</p><p>"The pie needs to come out," Peeta mumbled from his place on the floor. His eyes remained closed.</p><p>She glanced at the clock and he was right, it was time for the pie to come out of the oven.</p><p>"You're right," she said as she jumped down from the counter, turned off the oven, grabbed a pair of oven mitts and moved the pie from the oven to a cooling rack. "How'd you know without the timer?"</p><p>He shrugged, opened his eyes, stretched and slowly stood up. "I could just smell that it was ready. Baking is in my blood…and my nose, I guess."</p><p>He gave her a drowsy, lopsided grin and moved towards her. He stopped directly in front of her, his face only inches from hers and leaned in. She sucked in a breath, her eyes closed and her body tingled in anticipation. She heard the familiar click of the light switch. Her eyes popped open to find Peeta had turned the light from above the sink off. She had been standing in front of the switch and blocking his access. They stood together in near darkness. The only light provided by the sliver of moon that shone through the kitchen window curtains. Peeta hadn't moved. His body was still pressed against hers. She moved her head experimentally, inching her mouth closer to his until their lips grazed. She listened to his sharp intake of breath and reveled in the feel of his mouth as he spoke against her lips.</p><p>"I'm going to kiss you now."</p><p>His words were like molten lava straight to her center. She was ablaze. She felt her knees buckle.</p><p>They actually buckled.</p><p>Just from his words.</p><p>If he hadn't of had her pinned to the countertop she was sure she would have fallen to the ground. He hesitated for just a moment although it felt like years. He was giving her a chance to say no. What he didn't realize was that there was no way she was going to walk away from this.</p><p>When she didn't stop him, he proceeded cautiously at first, lightly kissing the corners of her mouth. His tongue darted out and caressed her lower lip before sucking it tenderly between his teeth. Her lips parted for him, begging to be claimed. His parted mouth ghosted over hers and she felt his grin. Her tongue found its way through her split lips. She wanted to taste that grin. She wanted to wipe if from his face and make his knees just as weak as hers.</p><p>He moved away from her mouth and feathered kisses along her jawline stopping to lave her pulse point with his tongue. On a shuttered moan, her head tipped back to allow him access. His lips found the shell of her ear and he nipped at the lobe. It took an enormous amount of effort to steady herself against him, to force the air in and out of her lungs. His tongue and lips worked their way across her neck to the opposite jawline before arriving back at their starting place.</p><p>She hadn't noticed until she lifted her hands to cup his face, but she was trembling. Her heart pounded erratically against her ribs. She let out a tumultuous breath. His lips were tantalizingly close. His eyes, deep sapphire wells that sparkled even in the low light, searched hers. His fingertips traveled the length of her arm before meeting her hand that was still gently cupped around his cheek and jaw. He brought the hand down to his chest. She felt the chaotic hammering of his heart.</p><p>"I know," he whispered in an uneven cadence that belied his previous bravado. "Me too."</p><p>She wasn't sure who actually moved first – it's possible their movements were synchronized – but their lips collided and he made good on his promise. He kissed her. He kissed her like she had never been kissed before. She felt the kiss in her fingers, in her toes, in the very depths of her being. Time ceased to exist. There was only him and his mouth, hot, wet and urgent against hers. She pawed at his shirt like a needy, desperate thing. She had to have him closer. She wanted more. The act would have embarrassed her with anyone else, but not with him. He felt it too. He needed her as well.</p><p>His hands raced down her waist to the back of her thighs lifting her up against him. Her thighs wrapped tightly around his middle and with this contact she became acutely aware of the solid evidence of his want, hard, persistent, and unlike the night before, unashamed. Her thighs involuntarily clinched, pulling him closer. His waist bucked. She's already so wet, so ready. She broke the kiss, leaning her forehead against his. There heavy pants mingling together to form a pocket of humid air. She let a hand leave the expanse of his shoulders to rake through his unruly blonde waves. She knotted her fingers in the ends and lightly pulled.</p><p>"Peeta," she whispered against his mouth. She didn't want to have to beg, even as the sound of his name left her throat as an almost desperate plea.</p><p>On a growl, he took her mouth again and began to stumble through the darken house with her firmly wrapped around him. She worked quickly to rid herself of her shirt and bra, discarding them somewhere between the kitchen and the living room. Her hands wound between them as she fumbled with the drawstring tie on his sweatpants. Once the waistband was loosened, she slipped her hand inside gripping him firmly. He moaned at the contact, pulling his lips from hers and burying his face in her neck.</p><p>"Oh, fuck Katniss," he murmured as he nipped the skin between her neck and shoulder.</p><p>She stroked him as they continued their journey through the house. His grip on her backside relaxed for a moment as a door opened. They crashed through to what was now Peeta's bedroom. He slowed at the edge of the bed. His face left her neck. Their noses touched. His fingers skimmed the contour of her neck reaching her face and lovingly tucked a wild wisp of hair behind her ear. Bending forward, he laid her across the bed, pulling her hand out of the waistband of his pants and kissing her fingers.</p><p>She watched as his arms crossed over his chest and pulled the t-shirt over his head. She remembered this sight from months before, his bare chest in the moonlight. His thumbs hooked into the waistband of the sweatpants and he worked the garment down his legs freeing himself and baring everything to her. His fingers brushed against her sides as he edged them into the waistbands of her leggings and panties. She lifted her hips to help him remove the offending garments until she too was fully exposed. An inkling of self-consciousness crept into her mind because he had never seen her pregnant belly outside of clothes before. It was still small, but definitely noticeable and she resisted the urge to cover it with her hands.</p><p>He must have seen the insecurity on her face because his fingers hesitantly trailed over her sides before settling on her hips. He leaned forward and kissed the swell of her lower abdomen. He sank to his knees. His hands skated over her legs bending them at the knee. His mouth followed placing lingering kisses on her inner thigh, the back of her knee, her calf and finally the arch of her foot. She squirmed and let out a small giggle. Her feet had always been ticklish. He grinned back at her raising a mischievous eyebrow before kissing the arch again, allowing his teeth to slowly rake across the sensitive skin. A yelp escaped her lips followed by a full belly laugh. Peeta chuckled too, his shoulders shaking with mirth. Then, just as quickly as it started, the laughed died in her throat as the pad of Peeta's tongue burned a hot trail along her inner thigh.</p><p>Propped up on her elbows, she watched as his mouth delved into her curls, lapping greedily. An involuntarily spasm of pleasure to wracked her body. Her head fell back. Her hips rolled, lifting off the bed. She fisted the sheets unable to focus on anything but Peeta's insistent mouth pushing her closer and closer to the unraveling completely.</p><p>Through the pleasure induced fog of her brain, she was vaguely aware of the appreciative, gravely hum of his voice between her thighs and the sound of her moans growing louder and deeper the closer she got. His name, like a prayer, tumbled from her lips in a final gasp. Her back arched off the bed. Her thighs clamped around his head as the final wave a pleasure flowed through her.</p><p>Peeta placed a kiss on her hip and climbed on to the mattress. He laid beside her lazily twisting the end of her braid around his fingers. A relaxed sigh escaped his lips, the warmth of it caressed her shoulder followed by feel of his mouth as he placed a kiss upon the shoulder as well. He made no move to seek out gratification of his own pleasure which was something she had never experienced with anyone else. Another piece of him that was unlike any of the others. Another piece that stole a little bit more of her heart.</p><p>"You better not be falling asleep on me, Mellark," she teased after a long moment of silence.</p><p>"Sleep? Who said anything about sleeping?" He asked just as playfully, his fingers leaving her braid to seek out her breasts.</p><p>She leaned into his touch, turning on her side so they were face to face. She was in an explorative mood and she let her hand wander across his face, his shoulder, the expanse of his back before landing on his firm backside. She used the leverage to pull herself even closer feeling him hard and smooth against her stomach. He made a guttural sound at the contact, or maybe it was due to her firm grasp on his lower half, she couldn't be sure. Either way, she enjoyed producing these noises from him. Enjoyed the way his skin heated and flexed under her touch. She bent down and flicked her tongue over his nipple before working it into her mouth completely. His head dropped back on the bed. A gust of air escaped him. It sounded suspiciously like her name. That spurred her on.</p><p>She leaned into him further pushing him onto his back, her leg following his movements to straddle his waist. They'd been in this position before. She caught the gleam of recognition in his eyes. The memory of the first time they had done this together. She paved a trail of hot kisses across his chest and neck paying close attention to the sharp jawline she was so fond of. He hummed his praises in her ear. She felt him twitch from between her legs, her desire coating him and causing a sweet friction as they moved together.</p><p>She shifted her weight forward bringing her lips down to meet his. Heavy, hot breaths collided. His hands roamed her body seemingly unable to touch her enough. She could feel him at her entrance. She kissed the side of his mouth and leaned her forehead against his. A moment passed between them as they stood at the precipice of something neither of them could fully understand. It felt like they were taking five steps backward and two giant leaps forward at the same time. Uncertainty and desire swirled around them and as they held each other, so close to falling, yet she realized that she had nothing to be afraid of. They had taken the leap months ago, but this time she had no intention of pushing him away. She would hold tight to him as they both crashed into the beginning of this new life together.</p><p>She sank down onto him. His hands found her hips as his head dug into the mattress, a deep moan rumbled in his chest. She sat up fully placing her hands on his chest for leverage and began to rock her hips against his. Soon they were moving together a tangle of limbs and mouths, gasps and sighs. She felt him grow harder inside her and she knew he was close. Her hips moved in a frenzied pace as she raced with him toward that blissful end.</p><p>"Are you going to come again for me, Katniss?" He panted against her skin.</p><p>She simply nodded, her head now burrowed in the crook of his neck. Words were a distant memory in her mind. He turned his head to plant kisses along her neck and behind her ear, pleading with her as he fought back his own release. She felt the familiar tightening low in her belly and she flattened herself against him as best she could, grinding her hips into his and clutching his shoulders to keep herself from bursting into a million pieces. With a final few movements she unfurled, clinching around him as he jerkily lifted his hips to thrust inside her while cursing against her neck.</p><p>They landed in a boneless heap on the bed. Dewy beads of perspiration clung to their skin. Heavy breaths punctuated the silence. She pressed a lingering kiss to his lips. Three words leapt to the tip of her tongue, but she remained silent. She smiled sheepishly as she climbed off of him, gathering her panties from the floor and tiptoeing out of the room to use the bathroom. She stared at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. She didn't look much different than any other time she'd had sex; her face was flushed, her hair a mess, her lips swollen. Why did she feel so much different this time?</p><p>Tentatively, she touched her small bump. Maybe that was why. Maybe that was what caused the hollow, aching feeling in her chest whenever she thought of losing Peeta. It was the same ache she felt at the thought of losing Prim. Was this love? Did she love him? She had almost let those three words slip out. She touched her lips in bewilderment. Didn't she just hate him only a couple weeks ago?</p><p>No.</p><p>Even as much as she tried, she couldn't get herself to hate him. That nagging, aching feeling was always there filling her with such a deep sadness at his loss. She had blamed it on pregnancy hormones, but maybe that wasn't the culprit after all. Her lips parted a gasp escaping as realization dawned on her.</p><p>She was in love with Peeta Mellark.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Delicate</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Peeta</strong>
</p><p>Late morning sunlight refracted off of some unknown object casting a rainbow across his bedroom wall. He studied it thoughtfully, watching how the colors shifted and blended into one another. He had been awake for some time, but Katniss was still peacefully asleep curled against his back, her arm draped lazily around his waist. Her soft breaths tickled the hairs on the back of his neck. He smiled disbelievingly. Had last night actually happened? He still didn't know where his boldness had come from. He had spent the last few weeks being so cautious with her. Perhaps it was the bath she had given him that had encouraged him to give in to what his body and been screaming at him to do for months.</p><p>The uncomfortable fullness in his bladder caused him to move slightly. Katniss stirred behind him before burying her head further under the blanket. He carefully removed her arm and slipped out of the bed reaching down to pick up his sweats and boxers. He quietly left the room, quickly making his way across the house to relieve himself. On his way out of the bathroom he noticed the stripe of bright sunlight emanating from beneath his studio door. Easing the door open, he was greeted with a room bathed in light. He had chosen this room to be his studio because of the large east facing windows. He often found himself in here in the early morning hours when the way the sunlight poured those windows gave him the best artistic light.</p><p>It was a beautiful, clear autumn day with blue skies and rustic colors falling from the trees. He thought about staying in the studio for an hour or two and working on his latest painting; the one that had caused his tears yesterday. It would be a quiet activity allowing Katniss to sleep in. What little knowledge he had about pregnant women mainly revolved around how tired they were supposed to be. Katniss put up a strong front, but he knew she had to be exhausted. He had to admit that he slept amazingly well when she was by his side. The past two days he had seen no nightmares or frequent wake ups. Strangely, the dull ache was back behind his eyes. He rubbed his temples and wondered if he might need glasses. He had hoped that with better sleep the ache would disappear. Maybe he was still more tired than he realized. Maybe it was just his body's way of dealing with all the stress he'd been through. Still, he wished it would go away. It was like a nagging reminder of all the things that had gone wrong in his life. Leaning against the window frame, he ran is hands through his hair and sighed. He didn't have it in him to paint, not today. He was content to sit by the window and watch the world go by for a little while. He had always been happy observing the way things looked and acted, even as a little boy. Perhaps that was why he saw so many things that others missed. He wondered if that was the artist in him.</p><p>A small gasp broke him out of his reverie. He spun around and found Katniss standing in the doorway. Her eyes were wide as she took in the room, scanning the walls and easels. A smile tugged at his lips and his lower body stirred to life at the sight of her, sleep mused hair flowing down her back and his t-shirt hanging off her frame. He wanted to scoop her up and drag her back to his bed. Instead he leaned against the window frame and allowed her to see this other side of him, the side he kept hidden from most people. She hovered in the doorway, arms wrapped around herself hesitating just a moment before entering the room fully.</p><p>"Is it ok if I look at everything?" She asked in a timid voice while gesturing to the stacks of canvas propped up against the walls and the unfinished work on the easels.</p><p>He nodded. His posture reflected a nonchalant stance even has he gulped down the nervous energy that had seemed to work its way from his stomach to this throat. He had never let anyone see his art before it was finished. There were some pieces he never showed anyone at all.</p><p>"I can see why you chose this room," she said as her fingers combed through a stack of landscape oil paintings. "The windows let in so much light."</p><p>She wandered the room for a few minutes more before stopping at the canvas he had been working on the day before. It was only partially finished. All that was available to view at that moment were light sketches and some color on the larger portions of the work. The canvas showed a teenage boy with his back turned to the viewer. His blonde hair was a little bit too long so that it curled at ends by his ears and the nape of his neck. He wore jeans and a t-shirt. A black apron hung loosely from his neck, the ties undone and hanging at his sides. The laces of his left shoe had become untied and laid precariously at his feet. His hands were perched on his hips and his arms were covered in flour. He stared out a large window onto the street as a woman passed by on the sidewalk and a red truck drove by. The boy's stance seemed defiant like he was plotting his escape.</p><p>"Is this you?" She asked as her fingers reached out to trace the outline of the boy.</p><p>"No. It's Rye."</p><p>"He looks so rigid and defiant. Was he angry?"</p><p>Peeta let out a long breath that he hadn't realized he had been holding. "This is the day he told our parents that he didn't want to be a baker and that he was leaving to go to school."</p><p>"I'm guessing they didn't take it well?"</p><p>"Mother didn't," he said with a humorless laugh. "I think dad understood, but I was only 16 at the time so Rye was leaving them in the lurch."</p><p>"What does Rye do now?"</p><p>"He works at the bakery," Peeta said with a smirk.</p><p>Katniss laughed and then said solemnly, "It makes me sad for him if being a baker is not what he wanted to do."</p><p>"Me too," he sighed. "It's my fault. Once Proja finished business school, he came back to the bakery with the intention of taking over one day. After the crash, Rye came back, and he's been there ever since."</p><p>Katniss took Peeta's hand and squeezed gently. "Is he mad at you?"</p><p>He looked down at her, a sad smile gracing his lips. "Rye gives me a lot of shit, but he has been there for me more than anyone else. He's stepped in front of my mother and taken blows that were meant for me. He's lied and taken the blame for things to keep me out of trouble. I think he will always try to protect me, but that doesn't mean he's happy about it. He hasn't spoken to me in a while. I know he's miserable and I know it's my fault."</p><p>She leaned her cheek against his, cradling his face in her hands and brushing his hair from his forehead. He winced slightly as he leaned into her touch. A sharp stabbing pain radiated behind his left eye and then disappeared. The concern was instantly evident in her eyes.</p><p>"Just a headache," he said with a half-smile and a shrug.</p><p>"You need sleep. More than just a handful of hours," she said while her thumbs ghosted over the dark circles still present under his eyes.</p><p>"With you in my bed? And, the image of you wearing nothing but my shirt floating around in my head all day? Sleep seems like cruel and unusual punishment. I'll take something for the headache. Don't worry."</p><p>"I'll be in your bed tonight, but we will only be sleeping."</p><p>His lip came out in a pout and she laughed. "Now, what happens before bedtime tonight is fair game," she teased. "I could use a shower before I make my debut with a movie star. Want to join me?"</p><p>He scooped her up in his arms and she muffled her squeal of surprise and delight against his chest as he practically sprinted to the bathroom</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>Katniss</strong>
</p><p>Life was curious. How many times had she thought that in the past several weeks? Who would've ever imagined that a poor country girl from a small no name town would be pregnant, in love and living with a talented artist and chef and on her way to spend Thanksgiving with a movie star and his family. She had never dreamed that she would lead anything but a boring, average life. The odds never seemed to be in her favor. Yet, here she was driving past beautiful, opulent homes, her fingers intertwined with Peeta's and her foot nervously tapping the floorboard. The sheer magnificence of the neighborhood they had entered caused the butterflies to flutter furiously in her stomach. She sucked her bottom lip into her mouth, worrying it with her teeth. Peeta tenderly squeezed her hand and gave her a reassuring smile. He had told her at least twenty times as they were getting ready that Finnick and his family were just regular people and that she had nothing to be nervous about. She was sure that Peeta believed that but judging from the way Finnick and his family lived, they were most definitely not regular people. At least not the sort of regular people that Katniss was used to encountering.</p><p>Peeta slowed the car and pulled into a driveway stopping at a closed, intimidating looking iron gate. He rolled down the driver side window and pressed a small white button attached to a metal box located discreetly inside one of the brick pillars that accented the driveway.</p><p>"Happy Thanksgiving motherfucker!" A male voice crackled through the speaker on the box followed by the sound of laughter.</p><p>"Finnick!" Another voice, female this time, shouted. "Hey, Peeta, honey. Come on in."</p><p>The iron gates slowly swung open. Katniss smoothed her hands over her plain hunter green blouse. She looked down at her black leggings and black boots and suddenly felt ridiculously underdressed for such a fancy neighborhood. Peeta had told her not to worry about dressing up, that Finnick and Annie would most likely be wearing jeans and t-shirts and that he wouldn't be surprised if Jacob was wearing a superhero costume. Still, she couldn't help feeling self-conscious and completely out of place in this environment.</p><p>Peeta eased the car through the gate and drove up a long tree lined driveway until the house came into view. To her, the house seemed massive and much nicer than any house she had ever been in but compared to the other homes in the neighborhood it was understated. She could imagine the neighbors calling the home "cute" or "charming." Although she could tell it was a newer home, it had an older plantation style look to it. Open-flame gas lanterns lined a brick walkway. A white picket fence extended the length of the property. A three-car garage sat to the right, another brick walkway connecting it to the main home. The front of the house had large off-white pillars lining the front porch with an observation deck above connected to the second story. Dark blue plantation style shutters adorned all the windows. The house had a welcoming feel even with its large size and that helped to ease Katniss's nerves.</p><p>Peeta parked the car in front of one of the closed garage doors. He turned to Katniss and smiled then mimed taking a deep breath in and out before grabbing her fingers and kissing the back of her hand. As they exited the car, a sound that could only be described as a boyish squeal of delight pierced the air followed by a series of giggles and the stomping of small footsteps. Before Katniss could figure out what was happening, a blur of copper hair and boundless energy hurdled through the air and landed in Peeta's arms.</p><p>"Hey buddy," Peeta said as he staggered to keep his footing.</p><p>He lowered the boy to the ground and the tiny tornado proceeded to run to the back of the car ignoring Katniss's presence completely.</p><p>"Did you bring my cheese buns? Today is Thanksgiving! Daddy got a new boat. Do you want to go out in the boat, Peeta? I can do a flip. Watch me do a flip. Can you do a flip? I grew another inch since the last time you were here. Mama said I'm going to be taller than daddy. You're not taller than daddy. Why are you so short? I want a puppy for Christmas. Do you think Santa will bring…wait…who's she?"</p><p>The boy rattled off his questions as Peeta knelt down beside him with the biggest smile lighting up his face. He waited patiently for the list of questions to end before answering.</p><p>"I did bring cheese buns. I'm excited about Thanksgiving too, bud. If we have time we can go out in the new boat. I don't know if I can do a flip. I was just born shorter than your daddy, but he is pretty tall. If you're good and your mama and daddy agree, then Santa might bring you a puppy. And, this is Katniss." Peeta grabbed her hand pulling her closer. "Katniss this is Jacob."</p><p>"Hi, Jacob," she said as the boy's eyes raked over her.</p><p>"Peeta's never brought anyone with him before. Why didn't you come for his birthday? My birthday is in July. I'm 8. How old are you? Is that a baby in your belly? My teacher had a baby in hers."</p><p>She laughed as she responded. "I'm 24 and it is a baby in my belly." She turned to Peeta, "I missed your birthday?"</p><p>"Uh, it was a couple weeks ago. October 17th," he answered sheepishly. "We weren't really talking much then."</p><p>Before she could say anything else, a familiar voice joined the conversation.</p><p>"I see you've met Jacob. Now you know what you have to look forward to in your future."</p><p>She turned to find herself standing face to face – well, chest – with Finnick Odair and he was just as handsome in person as he was on television. She could practically feel the charisma and charm coming off him in waves and he was being nothing but polite and nice. She wasn't sure what it would be like if he was actually trying to charm her. Maybe it was Finnick's easy-going nature, but she found herself able to converse with him without any of the nervousness that she thought she would feel.</p><p>"I think I would be okay with that," she said with a smile. "Jacob seems like he is a very good and very smart boy."</p><p>Finnick chuckled. "Oh, you don't know the half of it. He's on his very best behavior today because somebody wants to eat his weight in cheese buns and pie." He winked at Jacob as the boy bounded off with several covered dishes from the back of the car and disappeared behind the front door. "I'm just teasing," he continued turning his attention back to Katniss. "I'm sure you'll both be great parents. It's fun…exhausting and sometimes a little frustrating, but fun."</p><p>"You're just happy that you get to play with toys again," Peeta said with a smile as he embraced Finnick in a hug. He then gestured to Katniss, "Finnick this is Katniss. Katniss, this is Finnick Odair."</p><p>Finnick lowered his top half and swept his arm out to the side in a dramatic bow. A wide grin lighting up his face making him look impossibly more handsome than he already was. His head tilting up to give Katniss a wink with smiling eyes. She felt herself smiling in return without even thinking about it, a faint blush creeping on her cheeks.</p><p>So that's what it felt like when he turned on the charm.</p><p>Peeta rolled his eyes and backhanded Finnick's arm. Peeta grabbed her hand and leaned in to whisper conspiratorially as Finnick grabbed the rest of the covered dishes from the back of the car. "Now you've done it. Get a couple of glasses of wine in him and he'll be making those eyes at you all night just to watch you blush."</p><p>"I heard that," Finnick said as he closed the back of the car. "You sound like Annie. Always taking away all of my fun." His lip came out in a mock pout. Then he leaned in closer and said, "It would only have taken one glass of wine."</p><p>He elbowed Peeta playfully in the ribs before heading up the walkway to the house. Katniss watched the exchange with an amused expression on her face. When Peeta had said that Finnick was like family she just assumed it meant they were really good friends, but the relationship between the two men was definitely brotherly. Watching them interact would make anyone think they had grown up together and shared a familial bond. She wondered if Peeta shared the same relationship with Rye.</p><p>She and Peeta followed Finnick into the house as he gave her a quick tour while leading them to the kitchen. She took in the elegant surroundings with wide eyes. It was truly the most gorgeous house she had ever set foot in, but she could also see that a family lived there. There were toys in the living room and shoes by the door. A superhero costume was laying half folded on the stairs. They walked past a large entryway that lead to a formal dining room with seating for twelve and a crystal chandelier adding light to the room. The table had festive decorations, plates, cutlery and name cards at every seat. She gave Peeta a questioning look and saw that he noticed the table too. He shrugged in response as they continued to follow Finnick through the house.</p><p>They finally reached the kitchen and, as beautiful Peeta's kitchen was, this kitchen was stunning. And, massive. A large marble island with seating for six sat in the middle of the room surrounded by white cabinets, stainless steel high end appliances and marble countertops. The rear of the kitchen featured floor to ceiling windows overlooking a vast lake. There was a smaller dining table located by the windows that Katniss could tell was what they primarily used for eating and by the looks of the papers on the table, Jacob's homework.</p><p>As Peeta helped Finnick put the food away, a woman Katniss recognized as Finnick's wife, Annie, bustled into the room. She was an inch or two taller than Katniss with striking green eyes, flowing brown hair and a kind smile. She threw her arms around Peeta as he lifted her off her feet in a hug. Then, before Katniss knew what was happening, Annie was embracing her too. Katniss, unused to receiving hugs from strangers, stood stiffly at first before wrapping her arms around Annie who seemed to be a genuinely kind person. Annie fawned over Katniss's small belly and lamented over the harder parts of pregnancy as she checked the turkey in the oven. Peeta and Finnick talked amongst themselves and Katniss watched Jacob playing with trucks in a small room off of the kitchen that seemed to be set up as a playroom. Finnick pulled out a seat at the island and motioned for Katniss to sit. She was grateful for that. She felt awkward standing in their small eating area trying to follow a conversation about things she didn't have any idea about. Peeta joined her giving her a small kiss on the cheek as he sat down. Katniss caught the happy look and smile on Annie's face as she witnessed the exchange.</p><p>"So, I have some news," Finnick began. "We have a few extra guests for dinner. I hope that you won't mind."</p><p>"I saw the dining table set for twelve and I was curious about that," Peeta said.</p><p>Finnick nodded giving them both a slight apologetic look. "I know we usually do a small dinner, but with our shooting schedule, a couple of my coworkers are stuck here for the holiday and I felt bad not inviting them over. They are each bringing a date as well. It is really only eleven of us all together, but Annie insisted we set the table for twelve. Just in case." He winked at his wife and she rolled her eyes, but also playfully pinched his side.</p><p>"Are the other people actors too?" Katniss asked. She worried that she would feel even more out of place if more beautiful and famous people showed up.</p><p>"Just one, Cashmere Johnson. She's bringing a date named Joe. I've never met him, but if Cas likes him then I'm sure he's cool. Then, Rue Matthews and her date and Marvel Walsh and his date. They are both crew members on the set."</p><p>Katniss nodded politely, but she was sure her heart had stopped at the name Marvel. It was possible that it wasn't the same Marvel that she had slept with right before meeting Peeta, but what were the odds that there was someone else in their area with that ridiculous name. Her body flooded with embarrassment and regret. She felt bile rising in her throat and she excused herself to the small powder room down the hall. She quietly shut the door and slumped against it letting her body slide down until she was sitting on the floor.</p><p>There was no way she could leave, so she was going to have to get through this dinner one way or another. The rational part of her brain reasoned that it was possible that Marvel wouldn't even remember her. It was a one-night stand that happened months ago. They both had been drinking. If she hadn't fallen asleep unintentionally letting him spend the night in her bed, then she probably wouldn't remember him well at all. That made her breathe a little easier. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. If he did recognize her, she would just have to find a way to talk to him privately and clear the air. Then, she would have to tell Peeta and that was not something she wanted to bring up right at the beginning of this new relationship between them. She didn't know how he would react to having one of her past sexual encounters shoved in his face.</p><p>She sighed and pulled herself off of the floor. She washed her hands and took a few deep breaths before pulling the door open to find Annie standing there with her hand raised ready to knock. They both smiled shyly at each other. Annie shrugged and let out a little laugh.</p><p>"I wanted to check on you," she said. "When I was pregnant with Jacob, I was sick all the time. Whoever coined the phrase 'morning sickness' has never been pregnant."</p><p>Katniss smiled and ducked her chin still unsure of how to behave around Annie and Finnick. The only other person she knew that was genuinely this nice to strangers was Prim. "I'm okay," she replied. "I just got light headed all of the sudden and wanted to splash some water on my face." The lie left her easily and she hoped that Annie would buy it.</p><p>Annie eyed her carefully for a moment and then grabbed her hand pulling her back toward the kitchen. "When was the last time you ate something? Dinner isn't for another hour or so. Let me get you a few crackers and I can make you some ginger tea. It'll help settle your stomach."</p><p>Katniss could only nod and blush slightly at the kindness. She was starving. She had shoved a piece of toast in her mouth before leaving the house, but that was all she'd had time to eat. The shower that she and Peeta had taken lasted entirely too long and they had to rush to get out the door on time. She settled back into her seat next to Peeta who gave her a small smile although she could see the concern in his eyes. She ate her crackers and drank her tea as the group fell into easy conversation. Finnick regaled her with stories of awkward teenage Peeta and their son's antics that made her laugh. She heard about how Finnick and Annie met and how they had to keep their relationship a secret even after their son was born.</p><p>After just a short time she started to forget that Finnick was famous. Peeta was right, Finnick and Annie were just people; kind, funny and charming people. She was starting to feel happy that Peeta had brought her to meet them. She didn't have very many friends and she was hoping that she would be able to call the Odairs friends one day. Then, a chime rang, and her breath caught in her throat. Finnick walked to a small box mounted in the kitchen wall and she saw that it had a touchscreen with a monitor that allowed the viewer to see who had rang the buzzer.</p><p>"It's Cashmere," he said to the group. "It looks like there's another car behind her too. Good! I'm starving."</p><p>As Finnick pushed a button to open the gate, Jacob ran into the room complaining that he was also hungry. Annie shushed him with a few of the same crackers she had given Katniss and a promise that they were be eating very soon. Katniss's palms began to sweat, and she wiped them on her pants gripping her knees to steady the nervous shake in her hands. Finnick and Annie walked to the front door leaving Katniss and Peeta alone in the kitchen.</p><p>"You okay?" Peeta asked, his knuckles brushing against her cheek.</p><p>She nodded in reply and he didn't say anything else, but she didn't miss the questioning look he gave her. Voices floated into the kitchen from the hall and she and Peeta got up from their seats to go and meet the new guests. As they rounded the corner Katniss nearly ran right into the last person she every expected to see: Johanna Mason.</p><p>"Jo?" Katniss asked, her eyes flitting from Johanna to the glamorous blonde behind her then to a confused Finnick and Annie.</p><p>"Holy shit! Katniss? And, Blondie? What the hell are you two doing here?" Johanna exclaimed.</p><p>"We could ask you the same thing," Peeta chimed in, a hint of confusion and amusement in his voice.</p><p>"I'm on a date with this gorgeous creature," Johanna replied, flashing a sweet smile at the woman behind her and bringing the woman's fingers up to her lips.</p><p>Katniss couldn't argue that point with her. Cashmere was gorgeous with her flowing blonde hair, blue eyes and perfect hourglass figure. Katniss touched the hem of her shirt and ends of her hair self-consciously. Cashmere reached her hand out towards both Katniss and Peeta and introduced herself before Finnick made his way in the middle of the group to introduce the couple still standing behind him. That's when Katniss's eyes landed on Marvel. He was still looking at Finnick as he made the introductions, but then Marvel's gaze landed on her. She watched as he took her in, his eyes zeroing in on the obvious swell of her belly and then darting quickly to Peeta before coming back to her. She saw the recognition in his eyes, but as he reached out to shake hands he feigned complete ignorance of ever knowing her. She relaxed a bit after that, but she didn't miss the way that Marvel kept looking at her bump or the questioning look in his eyes when he did.</p><hr/><p>Once the last guests arrived, a young girl named Rue who worked in the makeup department and her boyfriend, everyone sat down for dinner. Mercifully, Katniss and Peeta were seated at the opposite end of the table from Marvel and his date, a short and slender girl named Clove. Jacob, who was brimming with excitement at getting to dine at the large table full of adults, kept everyone entertained with his questions and jokes. Katniss smiled at the boy who was so much like his father and wondered who the child growing in her belly would be like. She hoped it would take after Peeta who was gentle, patient and kind. She was surly and sullen enough for the both of them without adding a tiny version of herself to the mix.</p><p>With their bellies full and the dishes washing in the two huge dishwashers, everyone retired to the backyard to sit around a small fire pit and enjoy the unseasonably warm evening and view of the lake. Jacob grabbed Peeta by the hand pulling him up and begging him to come and look at his father's new boat. Finnick, eager to show off his new toy, ran from his place by the fire to catch up with the duo. Johanna plopped down the seat vacated by Peeta and leaned close to Katniss to whisper.</p><p>"This is crazy right? Who would've thought two little white trash, poor girls would be dining and cozying up to movie stars?"</p><p>Katniss looked away for a moment, watching Peeta listen to a very animated Jacob. "None of this seems real. Not this dinner, not this house, not this baby, not Peeta, none of it. I feel like I'm going to wake up in my shitty apartment at any minute and this is all just a strange dream."</p><p>Johanna nodded, following Katniss's line of sight a knowing grin beginning to form.</p><p>"Don't," Katniss warned.</p><p>"Are you and Blondie finally bumping uglies again? I was trying to figure out what was different and now I know. All that sexual tension is gone. Finally! It was becoming fucking painful to watch you two skirting around each other while making doe eyes behind the other's back."</p><p>Katniss rolled her eyes. "I never made 'doe eyes.'"</p><p>"Sure, you didn't," Johanna deadpanned. The smile returned, and Katniss braced herself. "You know I need details. I bet he's pretty good at it, huh? I'm guessing he's all sweet and considerate but also not afraid to just throw you down and get it."</p><p>Katniss didn't answer, but the blush spreading across her cheeks said everything for her.</p><p>"I knew it," Johanna said, reaching between them to pinch Katniss's side playfully. "Good for you. If you ask me, he's a keeper. And, you're still a dirty, little slut."</p><p>They both laughed drawing the attention of the others still sitting around the fire. Johanna squeezed Katniss's hand and got up to go sit near Cashmere. The two women leaned close whispering and smiling sweetly at each other. The sight made the smile on Katniss's face grow wider. She hoped this relationship would be the one for Johanna. She deserved all the happiness in the world and maybe Cashmere could be a little bit of that happiness for her. Across the fire pit someone cleared their throat catching Katniss's attention.</p><p>"I hope you don't think I'm rude. I just love babies. When are you due?" Clove asked.</p><p>"Oh, um in April," Katniss replied shifting in her seat. She watched as Clove started counting backwards on her fingers and groaned internally because she knew some invasive question about her sex life or body was coming next.</p><p>"Looks like someone found a way to beat the heat during the summer," Clove said coyly with a wink.</p><p>There is was. Katniss would never understand why people felt it was okay to get so personal with pregnant women.</p><p>"Yeah, I guess," Katniss said with an uncomfortable laugh.</p><p>Marvel choked on his beer, covering his mouth with the back of his hand as Clove patted him between the shoulders. His eyes found hers and he raised his eyebrows while looking briefly at the house. He dropped his gaze and then rose to excuse himself. He sought her eyes one more time before walking back into the house. Katniss looked out at the lake and saw that Peeta, Finnick and Jacob had taken the boat out and would be gone for a little while longer. As she turned her attention back to the group she found Johanna staring daggers at her, a questioning look in her eyes. She must have caught the silent exchange between Marvel and herself. Katniss gave an imperceptible shake of her head and Johanna frowned slightly before turning her attention back to Cashmere.</p><p>After she let enough time pass, Katniss excused herself from the group and walked nervously back into the house to find Marvel. As she tiptoed through the kitchen an arm reached out and pulled her into the room she immediately recognized as Jacob's playroom.</p><p>"Here I thought I gave you some world class dick, or at least it sure seemed like you thought it was world class, but you never called or texted. So, I just chalked you up to another bar slut looking for a good fuck to get off, but imagine my surprise when I show up to find you here. And, fucking pregnant too" Marvel whispered through clenched teeth, his hand still clasped around her bicep.</p><p>"You're not the only one surprised," she spat, wrenching her arm from his grasp. She had to physically restrain herself from commenting on what he thought was 'world class dick.'</p><p>He released a heavy sigh and leaned against the wall. "So, I did some thinking because you sluts blur together in my mind, but I'm pretty sure we fucked near the end of July. Sound right to you?"</p><p>She nodded focusing her attention to a fleet of toy construction trucks parked on a shelf to the right of his head. Her fists were balled at her sides and shook with barely concealed rage. She could hardly stand being in the same room with him at this point let alone looking him in the eye.</p><p>"So?" He gestured to her stomach. "Got something you want to tell me?"</p><p>She met his eyes, a sneer forming on her lips. "Absolutely, not. Trust me when I say that I completely regret ever sleeping with you and I know I wouldn't sleep with a stranger without protection. So, don't worry. You're off the hook and we thankfully never have to see each other again after tonight."</p><p>He looked her over, his eyes narrowing. He pushed off the wall. "Funny, because I remember it differently. I remember you loving this cock so much that we fucked three times. Twice without protection."</p><p>Her eyes went wide and her mind scrambled trying to recall all the details of that night. Admittedly, most of the details were fuzzy. She had been very drunk. Her heart started racing. She grabbed the back of rocking chair near the wall to her left.</p><p>Marvel stalked towards her, his lip curled "Don't worry sugar tits. I don't want a fucking kid and I definitely don't want some whore I met in a bar, so hopefully you're right. And, if you're not, you better not come after me for fucking money when I didn't even get a say in it being born."</p><p>With that he strode out of the room and back outside. Katniss fell into the rocking chair. Her body still shaking with rage but also now anxiety and guilt. Fat tears traveled down her cheeks which she hastily wiped away. She couldn't be caught crying here. She took several deep breaths. She could see through the playroom window that Finnick was docking the boat and that Peeta would be back and looking for her in a matter of minutes. She stood and hurried to the hall bathroom. Thoughts collided in her head as she splashed water on her face and willed her body to stop trembling. She felt sick. She was just beginning to build something with Peeta and he was genuinely happy about the idea of being a father. What if this baby wasn't his? The anguish that swept over her at the thought of telling Peeta that nearly knocked her to the floor.</p><p>She leaned against the sink, her head bowed and focused on the swell of her stomach which was more prominent in the evening after she had eaten. She brushed her hand over it lightly. She had just started to get excited about the prospect of having a child that was half Peeta's. He was like a warm ray of sunshine on her otherwise bleak life and she could hardly wait to see what he would be like as a father. She suspected he would be amazing at it. She had spent a good portion of the day watching his interactions with Jacob. He was warm, caring, affectionate and playful. He was a natural. As she brushed her hand over her belly and steeled her nerves to go back outside, a sadness fell over her. What if this baby was Marvel's? What would that life look like? What would the baby's life be like to have a father that wanted nothing to do with it?</p><p>"I'm sorry," she whispered before pushing off of the sink and walking back outside where the group and Peeta were waiting on her.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Everything She Knows</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
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    <em>Peeta</em>
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</p><p>The neutral walls and cloying smell of antiseptic always turned his stomach. He had spent too much time feeling panicked and ashamed while sitting in one of these rooms. Too much time scrambling in his mind to try to come up with some plausible excuse to cover the real reason for why he was there to begin with. He could always tell when the doctor or nurse didn't believe him but had to take his word for it. They would ask him if he was sure, if he was missing any detail or if there was anything he wanted to add. His eyes would dart to his mother who would discreetly shake her head from the corner she was standing in, so he would also shake his head. This went on for years until he was bigger and stronger than she was. That's when she started hitting him with words instead. It's something else he won't ever be able to forgive her for. Taking away the simple act of sitting in a doctor's office and replacing it with emotions that had him fighting the urge to vomit.</p><p>He mentally shook off the feeling as Katniss reached out from the bed she was laying on and ran her thumb over his knuckles. She gave him a half smile and a gentle squeeze of his fingers. The ultrasound technician smirked at the exchange and Katniss rolled her eyes, turning her head to look back at the screen displaying the black and white image of their child. They were there for the baby's anatomy scan. The doctor told them that this is something that occurs at the half way point of nearly every pregnancy and that it was done to make sure that all the baby's organs and body parts were growing the way that they should be. Peeta couldn't believe how different the baby looked from the first time he had seen it.</p><p>The technician pointed out the organs and showed them the heart beating. She measured the bones in the baby's arms and legs and the circumference of its head. Then she looked at Katniss and Peeta and asked if they wanted to know the sex. Katniss looked at him, a flustered string of stutters coming out of her mouth. They hadn't discussed this. They honestly hadn't discussed much and he knew he needed to change that. They had both been so busy and probably slightly overwhelmed with the prospect of being parents that they had avoided serious conversations about their child up to that point.</p><p>"I'm ok with knowing if you are," he said with a shrug, tightening the grip on her hand.</p><p>"Okay?" She questioned and he thought it might have been more to herself than to him, but he nodded just the same. "Okay," she directed toward the technician.</p><p>They both watched expectantly as the image on the screen changed and he saw what was clearly the underside of a pair of legs.</p><p>"This is perfect," the technician mumbled to herself while nodding her head. Then, she pointed to the screen and the space between the legs, "You see this area right here? And, those three lines? That is a vagina. You are having a baby girl!"</p><p>Katniss gasped, her hand coming up to cover her mouth. Peeta blinked at the screen, his mind swirling with images of a tiny dark-haired girl in his arms. When he looked back at Katniss he felt the tears falling down his cheeks. He didn't even realize he was crying and he embarrassingly wiped under his eyes. The technician quietly printed some more pictures and left the room letting them know that Dr. Cinna would go over everything with them at Katniss's next appointment.</p><p>"A girl," Katniss said with almost an air of relief as she released a long breath. She sat up holding the photos in her hands. She snagged her bottom lip with her teeth and looked down at the photos, a worried expression creasing her brow.</p><p>Peeta bent down to catch her gaze with his own. "What's wrong?"</p><p>"It's just –," she started then sighed and shook her head. "It's nothing. I'm just overwhelmed, I think."</p><p>She chuckled and cracked a small smile, but Peeta could see through the front she was trying to put up. She had never been a very good liar. Something was wrong. He had felt it growing between them like a persistent weed for the past couple of weeks. They should be ecstatic that they are having a baby girl, but Katniss was holding something back and he wasn't sure what it was. He took her hand as they left the doctor's office. They rode silently together in the car on the way home. Katniss's eyes focused on the world outside the window as her thumb brushed over the ultrasound photos. At a stoplight, he turned to look at her and could see tears threatening to spill over. As the light turned green, he pulled into the nearest parking lot; a fast food restaurant. The smell of burgers and fries filled the car. Katniss turned to him in confusion and hastily wiped at her eyes.</p><p>"Peeta, why did you stop here?" She asked, although the hitch in her voice betrayed her. She knew why he had stopped.</p><p>He could feel a headache creeping up behind his eyes. He pinched the bridge of his nose in a vain attempt to relieve it before sighing and leaning his head against the headrest of his seat. He closed his eyes and wiped his palm across his face. "I'm in love with you, Katniss. I've been a goner since the day I walked through the doors of District Twelve for my interview and saw you sitting there. That feeling has only grown in the months since then and now I – we're having a little girl and I am so excited about that. I feel like I could explode from pure joy, but I look at you and there is something going on that you're not telling me. I wish I knew what was happening inside your head. Talk to me, Katniss. <em>Please</em>. What is making you so sad?"</p><p>Katniss's thumb stilled. Her eyes focused on the photographs. "I'm going to be a terrible mother," she whispered.</p><p>Peeta sat up straighter in his seat. "I don't believe that for a second. Look at how you practically raised Prim and you are still taking care of her now. You take care of Haymitch, of Jo, of me. You deeply love and care about Gale and Madge. You would take care of everyone if they'd let you. It's just who you are." He reached for her hand. "You are going to be a fantastic mother. A mother who will love their child with everything they have. A mother that is firm when she needs to be, but gentle and playful the rest of the time. You are going to be the kind of mother I always wished I had."</p><p>"I'm a horrible, selfish person."</p><p>He shook his head unable to wrap his mind around that statement. It was said without an ounce of pity. She truly meant it and he didn't understand. If anyone was the horrible person, it was definitely him. Wasn't that what he had been told his whole life? Wasn't it his selfishness that led to the death of his brother?</p><p>"We're all selfish sometimes," he said gently, taking her hand. "That doesn't make us horrible."</p><p>She let out a long breath sagging her shoulder and slumping against the seat. Her eyes flickered to their joined hands then to his face. "There were others before you."</p><p>He nodded and waited for her to continue. This wasn't shocking news to him. He knew she wasn't a virgin before they had slept together. He wasn't either. She drew in a deep breath and continued.</p><p>"The day before you came in for your interview was bad. I had gotten into a fight with Gale about something that I don't even remember now, Haymitch was in a horrible mood because of the remodeling going on, I had an argument with Prim over a tuition payment and I was feeling really alone. Then, Jo called and asked me if I wanted to go out. The restaurant had been closed for a couple of days and we didn't have to go to work the next day, so I agreed. We got drunk. Really drunk. I honestly don't remember parts of the night, but I met a guy. I took him back to my apartment. We had sex. I accidentally fell asleep and he ended up spending the night. I kicked him out in the morning and thought I would never see him again, but – ."</p><p>"You saw him," Peeta finished for her.</p><p>"Yeah." Her eyes darted back up to his face again before landing back on her hands. "You did too."</p><p>Confused, he sat up straighter pulling their hands into his lap causing Katniss to turn and face him. His brain was starting to piece things together and he didn't like where this was going. "Who?" He asked, his voice cracking at the end.</p><p>"Marvel. He was at Thanksgiving. Do you remember him?"</p><p>Peeta nodded. He remembered him. He also remembered the way Katniss had ran to the bathroom at the first mention of his name and how she had been alone with him in the house while Peeta was out on the lake. She had come out of the house only several minutes after Marvel with her eyes rimmed red. Peeta had questioned her about it and she had told him that everything was fine. Everything was definitely not fine. He dropped her hand and ran his fingers through his hair. His heart hammered in his chest and he felt a tightness in his throat signaling the onset of tears. He knew what she was going to say and it was breaking his heart.</p><p>"Just say it. Tell me," he pleaded.</p><p>Katniss watched him. Tears streamed down her face. Her eyes skimmed over him gauging his body language. She paused and he could tell she was weighing her words. "I talked to him at Thanksgiving and he told me that we had unprotected sex when we were together. I don't remember that! I only ever remember doing that with you. But, it's close enough to when you and I were together that the baby could be his."</p><p>There it was. The bomb he was waiting for her to drop. It detonated inside of him twisting his insides like he had been physically punched. He reeled back. His head hit the glass of the car door window. He wanted to scream. He wanted to open the door and run. He wanted to break something. He folded his arms over the steering wheel and rested his head on them keeping his eyes focused on the floor mat at his feet. Katniss cried quietly at his side but said nothing else. He was at a loss for words. That didn't happen often. He knew he needed time to compose his thoughts before he said something he didn't mean or something he would later regret. Without another word, he turned the key in the ignition and drove home.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Katniss</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>The door closed soon after they arrived home. She had walked down the hall several times with her hand poised ready to knock, but ultimately, she had turned away. She fixed dinner, cleaned the kitchen, grabbed a book and mindlessly thumbed through the pages, wiped away more tears and pressed her hand against her growing stomach to feel the small fluttering kicks from the tiny girl growing inside her. Through it all the door remained closed.</p><p>She laid on the couch as the sun faded from the sky and the inky black of night replaced its light. She let the darkness envelope the room not bothering to turn on the lamp. It felt appropriate to the mood that had settled over the house. Moonbeams tickled the bare branches of an old oak tree outside the living room window. She held her hand up and skated her fingers through the beams casting lop-sided shadow puppets on the wall.</p><p>Her hand stilled at the sound of the studio door opening. She sat up curling her feet under her and gripping the back of the couch. His uneven gait traveled down the hall until he appeared in the doorway. He moved to the wall opposite the couch and slid down to the floor. In the darkness of the room she could barely see his face, but she could feel the anguish like an electric current between them. His head lolled backward against the wall and he sat silent. Her breath caught in her throat. She desperately wanted to crawl across the floor and hold him close. She wanted to take his hand and lead him to bed where she could snuggle in his warmth and fall asleep to the sound of his heartbeat. She stayed frozen on the couch waiting for a sign from him that he still wanted her touch; that he still wanted her.</p><p>When at last he spoke, his voice was quiet and his words were not at all what she was expecting. "Is Prim still planning to come home for winter break next week?"</p><p>"Y-Yes," she replied with hesitant confusion. She wasn't sure where he was going with this.</p><p>He nodded. "Good. I've been looking forward to meeting her. She knows she is welcome to stay here, right?" He lifted his head from the wall and look at her. His blue eyes seeming to pierce through the dark.</p><p>She nodded dumbly unsure of what to say. Her lips felt glued together in anticipation of the fight she was sure they were going to have. It was a fight she would've had with any other person she had ever been with given the same situation. The silence stretched between them again.</p><p>Peeta shook his head and scrubbed his hands across his face. "What did Marvel say?" He asked in a cautious whisper.</p><p>There it was. She had been waiting all day to talk to him about this and now that it was happening she wavered. She had played and replayed this scenario in her head a hundred times while he had himself locked away in his studio, but this wasn't going at all like she had imagined. She thought he would be angry. She though he would yell. She never expected him to bring up Prim.</p><p>"He – He's afraid I'm going to come after him for money. He doesn't want any part of it. Her or me."</p><p>Peeta let out a frustrated growl and cursed under his breath letting his head fall into his hands. "Do you still want to do this with me?" He asked, his voice muffled as it traveled through his fingers.</p><p>"What do you mean?"</p><p>She couldn't help the tiny bit of panic that crept into her voice. Did he mean the baby? Their relationship? Her living situation? She couldn't imagine what it would do to her if she lost any of that. If she lost him.</p><p>"The baby. Us. All of it. I meant what I said in the car. I'm so in love with you that I don't know what to do with myself. And, I know that it's probably too early in a relationship to say that and it's intense and scary." He sighed and raised his head. "It feels like you're tearing me apart and putting me back together at the same time. It's frustrating and frightening and amazing. I can't imagine my life without you in it. I don't want to think about coming home and you not being here. I want to love and raise our little girl with you, even if she isn't biologically mine."</p><p>Katniss sat in stunned silence. Peeta still wanted her. Still loved her. Most surprisingly, he even wanted the baby without being positive she was actually his. He wasn't angry. She wasn't sure why she expected anger from him when she had never really experienced that emotion with him. She wondered if his childhood played a part in that. It must have. Experiencing the wrath and violence from someone who was supposed to love and protect you must fundamentally change a person. Luckily, it seems to have shaped Peeta into someone with a seemingly infinite amount of patience and the ability to forgive and love fiercely.</p><p>She slid to the ground and crawled towards him until she had his face in her hands. "I don't want to do this with anyone but you."</p><p>He slid his arms around her waist pulling her to his lap. She laid her head against his chest and breathed in his scent. As his fingers combed through the hair that hung loosely across her back she wondered if there would ever be a time when things would come easily for them. Would there be a time when it didn't feel like all the outside forces were trying to keep them apart?</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Peeta</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>The best part of culinary school was how much confidence it gave him. Confidence and patience. When he first stepped into the classroom he felt like he had patience to spare, but he sorely lacked in the confidence department. He also knew how to cook, or he thought he did, after years of growing up and working in a bakery. He soon found out that baking wasn't cooking and while they often go hand in hand to create a great meal, he realized that he actually knew very little about the art of cooking.</p><p>He would study the recipes and watch the chefs. In his eagerness to please and standout in a group of talented students, he was often impatient with his food, rushing ingredients and temperatures in order to finish first. He had stupidly thought that finishing first would mean that he was the fastest learner, the most gifted, the best among the group. His impulse for greatness was not self-centered in nature. He was eager to be recognized for doing a job well done, something he had very little experience with. In the bakery, he was almost always only told when he did something wrong and punished accordingly.</p><p>There was one chef in particular, Chef Beetee, who taught him that there was beauty in restraint and that a lot of the culinary arts were a test of patience. He taught Peeta to respect the food he was using, to respect the people who grew and harvested the fruits, vegetables, legumes and spices and to respect the animals that gave their lives for the proteins they were using. The root of this respect was patience. He learned that sometimes you just need to let the food cook with minimal intervention. As his skills grew so did his confidence. He began to view food as just as much of an art form as the paintings that filled his studio and lined his walls.</p><p>As he watched Katniss hustle from the kitchen with a tray of dishes, a slight waddle to her step now, he was forever grateful to the soft-spoken Chef Beetee for instilling the respect and patience that granted him the confidence he now had. He used all three in every aspect of his life.</p><p>The kitchen was full of life. Bodies moved around him in every direction as he put the finishing touches on dishes ready to leave the window and expedited orders to the cook staff behind and beside him. Shouts of "hot behind" and "heard, chef" echoed off the stainless-steel tabletops and tiled floor. They were two days out from Christmas and, like it had for Thanksgiving, the restaurant would be closed on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. In an unusual stroke of generosity, because the holiday fell on a Friday, Haymitch decided to keep the restaurant closed on the Saturday after Christmas as well. This gave Peeta four entire days off since the restaurant was always closed on Sundays. The timing couldn't be better. Prim was due to arrive the next day and as much as he was looking forward to the time off, he knew that Katniss was ecstatic about the extra free time to spend with her sister.</p><p>He was glad she would be distracted too. He needed to visit Finnick and he needed to find Marvel. Peeta wasn't someone who was prone to extreme anger or violence, but the thought of Marvel completely abandoning Katniss and the child growing inside her infuriated him. Of course, he still held out hope that the child was his and he had to swallow back heartbreak every time he thought of the fact that she may belong to some other man that didn't want her.</p><p>He was more than willing to step into the role of father even if she wasn't biologically his. He was already completely in love with her and she hadn't even arrived yet. He hoped that he could talk some sense into Marvel and that man would be able to see what a colossal mistake he would be making. Peeta knew Katniss would be furious with him if she realized what he intended to do and although he felt slightly guilty about it, Prim's arrival gave him the perfect cover.</p><hr/><p>It was her throaty laughter that woke him up. He reached for Katniss so he could burrow under the covers relaxing into her warmth. It had turned unseasonably cold – even for December – and one of his favorite things was lazy mornings tangled in bed with Katniss. However, his fingers skimmed nothing but cold sheets on her side of the bed. A second bout of laughter, tinkling and higher pitched, floated into the bedroom. He smiled, rolled onto his back and stretched. Prim was home.</p><p>Prim had booked a very early morning flight out of the west coast. She had told Katniss that she would be fine and that this flight was the cheapest available given the holiday. It also took both Prim and Peeta to convince Katniss that she didn't need to be making a drive to the airport at 5am when she didn't get home from work until midnight and she was almost 6 months pregnant. Peeta paid for a driver to pick up Prim and drop her off at the house. It had been Prim's idea to arrive so early and to take an Uber from the airport, but Peeta wouldn't allow her to pay for the ride. He was more than happy to do that for both Katniss and her sister.</p><p>It had taken two cups of tea and three orgasms – one of which he was still particularly proud of – to get Katniss to relax enough to go to sleep the night before. She had been a bundle of nerves and excitement and she practically floated through the house as soon as they got home. He could see the exhaustion on her face even though he knew she would be too wound up to sleep. So, he had calmed her with tea and coaxed her to bed where he made her arch her back and cry out his name.</p><p>He shook his head in disbelief and scrubbed the sleep from his eyes. He still couldn't believe she allowed him to be with her or that he had the privilege to wake up with her every morning. He got out of bed and threw on some sweatpants before poking his head out of the bedroom door. The laughter had died down, but he could hear the low murmur of voices coming from the kitchen. He wiped his hands on his pants and mentally shook off the nerves he could feel creeping in his stomach as he walked towards the kitchen. The women were hunched over the island with their heads close together conversing in low whispered tones. Prim's hand was rubbing Katniss's arm gently. Katniss had her back to the kitchen's entrance, but Prim's blue eyes shot up in surprise as he stood in the doorway. She quickly wiped the shocked look from her face and replaced it with a beaming smile.</p><p>"Peeta!" Prim squealed with excitement as she jumped from her stool. She ran into Peeta's chest and hugged him tightly around the middle. He stood there dumbfounded for a moment before returning the hug.</p><p>"Sorry," she said releasing her grip and pulling back to look him in the face. "I'm a hugger and I'm crazy excited to finally meet you! Katniss has been talking about you for months and I feel like I already know you."</p><p>"For months, huh?" He asked, his eyes flickering to Katniss as she ducked her head to hide the pink tinge to her cheeks.</p><p>"You have no idea," Prim replied with a groan. Then, her voice took on a slightly deeper tone as she imitated Katniss. "Peeta is such an amazing chef. Peeta is so kind and generous. Peeta is so talented. You should see his paintings, Prim. He's so handsome. His eyes are so blue and he has an amazing ass."</p><p>"PRIMROSE!" Katniss shrieked, flying from her stool and clamping her hand over her sister's mouth. "I swear I am never telling you anything again. I should put you right back on a plane and send you back to school."</p><p>"You wouldn't do that," Prim said, wriggling free of Katniss's grasp and batting her eyelashes at her sister sweetly. "You love me too much."</p><p>Peeta crossed the kitchen to start the kettle for a cup of tea and stopped as Prim giggled under her breath and Katniss backhanded her arm. Her threw a questioning look over his shoulder. Prim shrugged then looked at Katniss before saying, "You do have a pretty awesome ass." Then, the younger sister bolted out of the kitchen and up the stairs with Katniss hot on her heels blushing so furiously that the tips of her ears were pink.</p><p>Peeta started the kettle and chuckled to himself. He could feel his face growing warm though and his hands grabbed the waist of his gray sweats that he realized were resting precariously low on his hips. He hiked them up a bit and secured the drawstring. Katniss crossed back into the kitchen and wove her hands around his waist resting her head between his shoulder blades.</p><p>"I'm sorry," she said with a small laugh.</p><p>"I blame the pants," he replied, his hands fidgeting with the waistband again. "I'll put on something else."</p><p>"Don't you dare," she said. Her arms tightened around him muffling her voice into his back. "They are my favorite pair on you and Prim is right. They do fantastic things for your ass. I'm pregnant and horny and I like my eye candy."</p><p>He spun around and captured her face in his hands bringing his lips down to meet hers. She moaned as he opened his mouth sliding his tongue against hers. His hands traveled to the small of her back pulling her closer and they both smiled against each other's lips when the baby bump got in the way. He pulled away from the kiss first and leaned his forehead against hers. For a moment he forgot he was standing in his kitchen. He forgot they had a guest in the house. He forgot every damn terrible and annoying thing in his life. In that moment there was nothing but her and the love that overflowed out of him. She enveloped every sense and if he could spend the rest of his life in her arms, he would.</p><p>"Oh my god, you guys are too cute," Prim sighed from the kitchen doorway.</p><p>Katniss groaned and let her head drop to his chest. He laughed and planted a kiss to the top of her head before letting her go. He grabbed his tea and leaned against the counter while the sisters teased and talked with each other. He could have never imagined a Christmas Eve like this. Typically, the holiday was filled with awkward family silences and harsh words directed at himself or Rye from their mother. It was rarely joyous and most often was the worst kind of forced family bonding. It was never for lack of trying, especially from his father, but no matter how much each of the Mellark men had wanted a wonderful holiday, it was never happened. The year prior he had spent the holiday with Finnick and his family. It was then that he got to witness that classic movie, postcard type of Christmas. He was elated that he would finally get to have that in his own home.</p><p>After breakfast, Katniss and Prim curled up on opposite ends of the couch and began what they called the "Everdeen Christmas Movie Marathon." Katniss had explained that this had been a tradition that their parents had started when they were both very young. They would spend Christmas Eve snuggled under blankets watching movies and eating delicious holiday junk food. Christmas Day was spent playing with new gifts, reading and celebrating with a large holiday meal. With the sounds of <em>How the Grinch Stole Christmas </em>playing in the background, Peeta changed into jeans and a sweater, kissed Katniss goodbye and headed to meet Finnick.</p><hr/><p>Peeta pulled up to the gate of the studio lot where Finnick filmed the hit show <em>Two if by Sea</em>, a historical drama based during the Revolutionary War. Finnick's character was a patriot sailor which Peeta thought suited him perfectly. His wind-blown rugged good looks, bronze hair and sea green eyes had all the maidens both past and present swooning. Peeta also knew that Finnick was a huge history nerd. He loved to collect obscure facts and secrets about historical figures although he would never admit that to anyone outside of close friends and family. He said he had a heartthrob status to maintain.</p><p>Finnick had told Peeta to swing by the lot because he would be there doing short scene reshoots before the cast and crew went home until principle filming began again in February. Peeta couldn't believe that they still had to do shoots right before Christmas, but Finnick said it would be a fairly quick day so Peeta could stop by and not worry about waiting around or being in the way. Finnick also said that Marvel would be working as well and that Finnick could arrange a time for Peeta to speak with Marvel. The guard let Peeta through the gated entrance and directed him to the parking lot behind building C where Finnick was shooting for the day. Once Peeta parked the car, he sent a quick text to Finnick to let him know that he was there. Moments later Finnick, dressed in his historical sailor costume, appeared around the side of the building and motioned for Peeta to follow him.</p><p>Stepping inside the building was like entering another world. There was a large replica of a ship sitting on some kind of mechanical platform that allowed it to move as though it was in the water. The ship was surrounded by green screens. Several other actors moved around the space dressed similarly to Finnick. There were crew members placing period accurate props on the deck of the ship, large cameras hovering overhead from what looked like cranes and even more cameras positioned on tracks around the ship.</p><p>Finnick turned to him and motioned towards the people moving around them. "Once they finish setting up the scene, I just have to do a couple of takes and I should be done." He pointed to some chairs gathered around a table full of food and added, "You can hang out over there while you wait. Help yourself to the food. I'm hoping we'll be done in 45 minutes tops."</p><p>Finnick clapped him on the back as Peeta headed over to the chairs. He grabbed an apple from table, mostly to have something to do while he waited, and sat to watch his friend work. It had been years since he had actually witnessed Finnick working and as the set roared to life, he was happy for the distraction. He rolled the apple between his hands and tried to focus on the scene being filmed instead of searching the room for Marvel. Finnick hadn't said whether Marvel would be working in this building today, but Peeta was too nervous to not at least try to see if he could spot the man. He still hadn't completely formulated what he was going to say to Marvel once he was given the chance other than to hopefully talk some sense into the man to at least try to have a relationship with his daughter – if she was indeed his daughter. Peeta also wanted to let him know that he planned to take care of Katniss and the baby so that Marvel didn't try to hide just because he didn't want to own up to his part financially. Peeta wanted to be the bigger person while also leaving room for Marvel if he wanted to take it.</p><p>Peeta was so distracted by his thoughts that he never even noticed that filming had ended until Finnick was standing by his chair. Finnick grabbed the still uneaten apple and took a bite, apologizing around his mouthful of the fruit. Then, he led Peeta out through a different door than the one they took to enter the building and onto a parking lot filled with trailers. He climbed the steps of one and waited as Finnick unlocked the door and entered the room. Finnick flopped unceremoniously onto the couch and Peeta sat in one of the nearest chairs.</p><p>"I'm wiped out, man," Finnick said as his arm draped across his eyes. "I got here at 4am, which is fine, but Jacob has been so excited about Santa coming that he hasn't gone to sleep until close to midnight for the past couple days. Annie and I are exhausted and not above drugging the kid at this point." Peeta laughed and Finnick lifted his arm and gave him a small smile before his expression turned serious. "So, what's up with Marvel? Why the sudden urgency to talk to him?"</p><p>Peeta fidgeted in his seat. He wasn't sure how much to say or what Katniss would think about him speaking with Finnick about this, but he was also desperate for someone to talk to about everything. Katniss couldn't fault him for that. She had Johanna and Prim to talk to, he needed that too. So, he relayed the story to Finnick and the more he talked the more awake Finnick seemed to get until he was sitting upright on the couch murderously clutching the apple in his fist.</p><p>"Peeta, you're absolutely sure he said all those things?" Finnick asked through gritted teeth.</p><p>Peeta nodded. "It's what Katniss told me and I believe her."</p><p>Finnick looked away for a moment before throwing the apple across the room and slamming himself into the back of the couch. "That motherfucker! I opened my home to him, fed him, let him spend time with my friends and family and he had the audacity to say those things to her? In my home? In my son's playroom no less? He stood from the couch and started pacing. Peeta watched as his neck and face turned red in anger.</p><p>"Finn, calm down, man," Peeta said gently. "I'm trying to give the guy the benefit of the doubt. You can never be sure what was going on with him that day and I know that Katniss's pregnancy must have taken him by surprise. Maybe he lashed out because he was scared. Maybe if we give him the chance to apologize, he will. I just want to talk with him and let him know that if the baby is his, then he has a place in her life and that I would like for her to know him."</p><p>Finnick gave him an incredulous look before stretching his fingertips towards the ceiling and letting out a long breath. "Peet, you are too good for this world. I sure hope everything you just said is true and if you can keep your composure and talk to him calmly then I can too. But, I still want to slam that asshole through a wall for the things he said."</p><p>Peeta laughed. "So, do I, Finn. So, do I." Then, he released a breath of his own and tried to shake the tension from his shoulders. "Go get changed and let's get this over with."</p><hr/><p>Finnick directed Peeta towards building A where Marvel was working with the set design department constructing a set to be used when filming resumed. They walked through the buildings doors and onto what appeared to be a battlefield. There were realistic looking cannons and a courthouse constructed on a much smaller scale and put in the background to make it appear like it was in the distance.</p><p>"Battle of Monmouth?" Peeta whispered mostly to himself.</p><p>"Yeah. It looks fucking amazing, right?" Finnick replied in a hushed voice filled with reverence.</p><p>The set seemed nearly completed and also deserted. Peeta assumed that everyone had already finished for the day and headed home. He turned towards Finnick to say as much when something caught his eye behind a manmade grassy hill. He and Finnick moved towards the object and found Marvel crouched down behind the hill adding more dirt and synthetic grass to the set. He startled as the two men came into view and then a friendly smile washed over his face as he recognized them both.</p><p>"Hey, man!" Marvel exclaimed reaching his hand out to shake Finnick's. "It's Peeta, right?" He asked as he also reached out to Peeta.</p><p>Peeta nodded and pushed the sudden nervousness he felt down.</p><p>"What do you think of this set?" Marvel asked. "It's pretty awesome, huh? We've been busting our asses to get this done by Christmas. I've only got a little bit more to do and then I'm out of here until February. You're not a part of this set though are you, Finn?"</p><p>Finnick cleared his throat a little awkwardly and shook his head. He threw a quick glance at Peeta. Marvel's eyes narrowed as they skipped between Peeta and Finnick. He stood up straight and brushed the dirt from his hands onto the front of his pants. "What can I do for you then?" His tone came across as borderline defensive and Peeta wondered if he already knew why they were there.</p><p>"I need to talk to you about Katniss," Peeta began.</p><p>Marvel rolled his eyes and held up his hands. "Look, dude, like I told her on Thanksgiving, we were a one-night thing. It was just a hook up. I'm not looking to be tied down to anyone right now. I'm sorry if that hurt her feelings, but I'm just not a one girl kind of guy. You know what I mean?"</p><p>"No. No, I don't know what that means," Peeta replied, a venomous tone sneaking its way into his voice. "And, she's not looking for a relationship with you, so her feelings aren't hurt. However, I know you know she's pregnant and I know you know it could be yours."</p><p>Marvel's fists balled at his sides and his face started to flush with anger. "No, fuck that. I already told her I didn't want anything to do with any pregnancy or any fucking baby. If you guys are here on some kind of mission to try to get my money than you can fuck right off."</p><p>"We don't want your money. I'm more than capable of taking care of both of them by myself," Peeta seethed. "I wanted to come and let you know that she's having a little girl. That you could possibly be the father of a little girl. If you want to be a part of her life, then we can go and get a DNA test done and if you are the father than Katniss and I would be happy to make sure you have a relationship with your daughter."</p><p>Marvel began laughing. It started as a snicker and morphed into a full belly roar that had him doubling over.</p><p>"What the fuck is so funny?" Finnick asked.</p><p>"This asshole," Marvel coughed out between laughs as he hooked his thumb towards Peeta. "You fucked her too, didn't you? She's got you trapped now, buddy." His laughter died down and the look in his eyes became serious. "Since you seem like a special kind of stupid, I'll repeat it for you real slow to help you understand. I. Don't. Want. Anything. To. Do. With. That. Whore. Or. Her. Bitch. Daughter."</p><p>Before Peeta could even think about what he was doing, his fist had come in contact with Marvel's face while his other hand grabbed the man by the throat and shoved him back with more force than he knew he had. The scene dissolved into swinging limbs and flying dirt. Peeta could hear Finnick yelling and he tasted the iron bitterness of blood. He saw a flash of copper hair and felt strong hands on his chest before a blinding pain radiated up the back of his skull and everything went dark.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Katniss</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>"Prim, did you eat the last raspberry danish?" Katniss asked as she stood with a plate laden with treats looking down at the tray of baked goods Peeta had left for them on the kitchen island.</p><p>"I have no idea what you're talking about," Prim said with a mischievous smile as she licked icing from her fingertips.</p><p>"The baby wanted that one," Katniss said with a mock whine to her voice. "Are you really going to deny your niece?"</p><p>Prim laughed and Katniss smiled and winked at her sister. "Seeing as the 'baby' has already eaten three of the raspberry danishes, I think she would want her Aunt Prim to be able to taste the last one."</p><p>Katniss shrugged and lowered herself back to the couch. "I'm going to tell her about this incident once she's here. That way she knows it wasn't my fault."</p><p>Prim giggled and rolled her eyes. She grabbed the remote and started scrolling through the available movie options. They had already made it through two of their favorites, something funny and something serious, and now Prim was on the hunt for something romantic. The melodic ringtone of a Katniss's phone sounded from the kitchen where she has accidentally left it. She handed her plate to Prim with a half-stern warning for her to not touch the contents and quickly made her way to the kitchen to grab the phone before it went to voicemail. She looked at the screen but the number, although local, was unfamiliar. She hesitated a moment too long and the call rolled over to her voicemail. She heard Prim squeal gleefully at the movie she had found and shoved the phone in her pocket turning to make her way back to the living room. As soon as her hand left the device, the phone started ringing again. The screen displayed the same unfamiliar number. This time she answered without hesitation.</p><p>"<em>Hello?"</em></p><p>"<em>Katniss? It's Finnick."</em></p><p>"<em>Oh, hey, Finnick. What's going on?"</em></p><p>She briefly wondered how in the world Finnick had gotten her number or what he could possibly be calling for.</p><p>"<em>Um, there's um, there's been an incident. I'm at Victors Memorial Hospital. Peeta's hurt. He's back getting a CT scan right now, but I don't know. There was a lot of blood. He threw up everywhere. Oh, shit. I need to call Annie. I just – Katniss, I think you need to come down here. Now."</em></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Follow You into the Dark</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <strong>Katniss</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>The phone dropped from her hand and hit the floor with a resounding thud. She could hear Finnick's muffled voice calling out to her but she was too stunned to pick the phone back up. She ran past her startled sister and into the room she shared with Peeta. Tears pricked her eyes as she tore off the pajamas she had been wearing and threw on a pair of leggings and a hoodie. When she entered the living room again Prim was standing in the doorway of the kitchen with Katniss's phone to her ear. She was listening intently to what was being said on the other end of the line and making small noises of agreement to let the other person know she was listening. When she saw Katniss again she said a quick goodbye to the person on the phone and started up the stairs tossing the phone back into Katniss's hands.</p><p>"Give me two minutes," Prim yelled from the top of the stairs.</p><p>Katniss stood there looking at the black phone screen in her hands and wondering where the wetness on the screen had come from until it dawned on her that she was crying. She hastily wiped her eyes as Prim rushed down the stairs taking Katniss by the hand and pulling her out the front door.</p><p>"Give me your keys," Prim said calmly, but firmly. Katniss mutely did as her sister asked. "Do you know the way to the hospital?"</p><p>She nodded as Prim jumped into the driver's seat of her car. Katniss quickly got in on the passenger side. She squared her shoulders as she wiped her eyes. She scolded herself for her tears. She couldn't break down now. He was probably fine and she was overreacting. She took a deep, calming breath and looked at Prim as her sister backed down the driveway and headed towards the hospital.</p><hr/><p>Victors Memorial Hospital was a forty-minute drive from their sleepy small town. It was a metropolitan hospital that was far larger and had more capabilities than the community hospital she was more familiar with. Prim parked the car in the underground parking garage and they made their way towards the emergency area where Finnick last told them he was. They approached a nurse with a kind and friendly looking face stationed behind a large desk just beyond the emergency room entrance.</p><p>"Hi," Prim said flashing her beautiful smile at the nurse. "My sister's boyfriend was brought in a while ago. We were told he was getting a CT scan. We were hoping we would be able to go back and see him or at least talk to someone about his injuries. His name is Peeta Mellark. He came in with his friend, Finnick Odair."</p><p>At the mention of Finnick's name, the nurse's cheeks redden and she called to another nurse while gesturing to Katniss and Prim to wait. A few taps of the computer keyboard later and they were directed to a waiting room several floors above the emergency area. As they stepped off the elevator, Katniss immediately caught sight of Finnick's copper hair as he sat slumped in one of the waiting room chairs.</p><p>"Finnick!" She shouted as she rushed towards him. Finnick stood and wrapped Katniss in his arms. "Have you seen him yet? Or, heard anything?"</p><p>Finnick pulled back and shook his head. "Not yet. They took him back to get the CT. He was still pretty out of it. They told me to come up here and wait. I'm glad you got here so fast though."</p><p>He sighed and sat down again pulling Katniss down into the seat beside him. It was then that he noticed Prim and smiled at her reaching out his hand to shake hers. Prim took his hand and tried to choke back the small giggle that escaped. Katniss rolled her eyes and Prim quickly moved to the seat beside her mumbling a quick apology as she sat. Katniss patted her sister's knee. Now that she knew Finnick and his family better, she honestly tended to forget he was famous and she couldn't begrudge her sister for being a little star struck.</p><p>"What happened, Finnick?" Katniss asked.</p><p>"I – Look, don't be mad at him, ok? He loves you so much and he loves that little girl so much even though she isn't even here yet. He was just trying to do the right thing for you both."</p><p>Katniss blinked and nodded her head waiting for Finnick to continue.</p><p>"I was on the set and he came to visit me. Marvel was working too. Peet went to talk to him. He wanted to make sure that Marvel knew that you weren't after his money and that you were having a baby girl. Peeta wanted to extend the offer to be a part of the baby's life, if he was in fact the father."</p><p>Katniss could feel the bile rising in her throat. As true and good as Peeta's intentions may have been, she knew Marvel wouldn't have taken it well. "What did Marvel do to him?"</p><p>Finnick swallowed. His green eyes met her grey ones and she saw nothing but guilt in them. "There was a fight. Peeta threw the first punch and I should have stopped it there, but that asshole deserved to get hit so I let it go. I'm not even exactly sure what happened next. They fell on the ground and their arms were swinging. Dirt was flying up making it hard to see. Somehow, I got them apart and I grabbed Peeta by the shirt to pull him away when Marvel hit him in the back of the head with a something heavy. A hammer, maybe?"</p><p>Katniss jumped back. She had realized after their conversation during Thanksgiving that Marvel was not a kind man, but to deliberately hit someone in the head with a hammer? She couldn't imagine the kind of maliciousness that would drive someone to do something that could cause irrevocable harm or even death. It was then that she finally took in Finnick's appearance. His shirt and the front of his pants where covered in blood. Her hands began to shake.</p><p>Finnick reached out a hand and cupped her cheek drawing her focus away from his blood-stained clothes and back to his face. "I'm so sorry, Katniss. I called an ambulance as soon as it happened. He was unconscious for nearly the whole ride here. He came too just before we got to the hospital and vomited. The paramedics said that can be normal for a head injury. They couldn't tell me much else though other than they needed to get him into a CT to see the extent of the injury."</p><p>Finnick slumped back into the chair and covered his face with his free hand. His shoulders shook as he began to cry. Katniss grabbed the hand that was on her face and held it in her lap as she leaned against the back of her chair. The silence that stretched between the three of them was only punctuated by the opening and closing of the double doors that led to an area they were currently unable to enter. An area where Katniss knew Peeta currently was. Each time the doors opened they would jump and turn their heads with hopeful looks on their faces that would fall when the person entering or exiting the area wasn't for them.</p><p>As they waited Katniss couldn't keep all of the terrible scenarios from racing through her mind. What if he was dead? What if he was paralyzed or had suffered brain damage? What kind of life would be left for him after an injury like that? Just when she thought she would go insane as she fell deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole of what ifs, the double doors swung open and a woman dressed in scrubs that didn't look much older than Katniss walked through the doors and into the waiting area.</p><p>"Mr. Odair?" She asked.</p><p>"Yes?" Finnick asked jumping from his seat.</p><p>Katniss and Prim both rose with him but the woman motioned for them to sit. Katniss noticed that woman had a vining tattoo that ran from her hairline down the side of her neck and disappeared into her scrubs. She couldn't decide if the tattoo made her feel more or less at ease with this person. Was this Peeta's doctor?</p><p>"I'm Dr. Cressida. Is Mr. Mellark's family available? Or is he married?"</p><p>"We're his family," Katniss blurted out quickly. "Um, he doesn't have any contact with his family. We are the closest thing he has to family. Finnick is like a brother. I'm his girlfriend and this is my sister."</p><p>Dr. Cressida looked hesitantly between the three of them. Her eyes flitted briefly to the swell under Katniss's sweater before she nodded and continued. "I'm a neurosurgical resident. I've been assisting with Peeta's case. Peeta was brought in with a fairly extensive head injury. We took him down to radiology and performed a CT scan. That scan showed that he sustained a skull fracture from the impact to the back of his head and that has also resulted in some swelling. He did regain consciousness for a period of time, but we have him sedated now in order to get the swelling under control and assess any additional injuries."</p><p>"So, is he going to be ok?" Katniss asked. She hated how small and scared her voice sounded.</p><p>"He's definitely not out of the woods yet, but the fact that he was conscious and conversing with us is a very good sign. However, there is something more that we need to discuss."</p><p>Dr. Cressida stood and motioned for the group to follow her into a small private room located off the main waiting area. The room contained nothing more than a large table with several chairs and a projection screen located on the wall opposite the door. Finnick, Katniss and Prim all took seats around the table as Dr. Cressida shut the door, lowered the lights and joined them at the table. She laid a black tablet on the table that Katniss hadn't even realized she had been carrying. Dr. Cressida entered a few details into the tablet and an image appeared on the projection screen.</p><p>"This is one of the scans from Peeta's CT," the doctor began. "You can see the area from the impact located here," she used a stylus on her tablet to highlight the area on the projection screen. "However, that is not why I brought you in here. Do you see this small area near the front of his brain?"</p><p>Katniss watched the doctor circle what looked like a small berry shaped black dot. The group nodded as the doctor waited before continuing.</p><p>"This is called a saccular aneurysm. It's likely that Peeta never even realized he had it. Most people don't until they burst. We're lucky to be able to find it."</p><p>Katniss was stunned into silence. Her brain seemed to just completely stop working as she stared at the picture of Peeta's brain. She registered that the doctor had paused giving them time to digest the information and ask questions, but Katniss's brain felt fuzzy and her mouth felt too dry to speak.</p><p>"So, are you planning to go in and clip it?" Prim asked in a calm and even voice.</p><p>Katniss's head whipped to her sister. Until that moment she had almost forgotten Prim was in the room with her and suddenly she was overwhelmingly happy that she was. Prim was a pre-med student and while she still had a lot to learn she would understand much more of what was going on than Katniss or Finnick would.</p><p>"Well, we have two options. We can go in surgically or we can do an embolization technique using a platinum coil," Dr. Cressida said matter-of-factly as she looked directly at Prim. "The embolization is less invasive, but it may need to be done again at a later date if the aneurysm reappears. Surgery would take care of it completely, but it comes with its own set of risks especially after the head trauma that Peeta has suffered."</p><p>"What if you do nothing at all?" Finnick asked. "You said that Peet probably didn't even realize he had this thing, so he could just go on with his life and it never bother him, right?"</p><p>"There is a possibility of that, yes. However, this aneurysm is rather large at twenty millimeters and the likelihood of it rupturing are high."</p><p>"What would happen if it ruptured?" Katniss croaked out, finally finding her voice.</p><p>"It can be life threatening especially one of this size. At the very least he could have frequent seizures. The more likely scenario would be that the rupture would cause excessive bleeding which would lead to a buildup of pressure in the brain. This pressure can cause permanent brain damage or death."</p><p>"Fuck," Finnick whispered, his hands coming up to scrub roughly at his face.</p><p>"Obviously, we are going to want you to treat it," Prim said, her hands moving through the air in her agitation. "I mean, if this were you, Katniss, I would absolutely have them treat it."</p><p>Katniss looked towards Finnick and then fixed the doctor with her steely gaze. "Yes, please take care of it."</p><p>Dr. Cressida's eyes soften at the determined look on Katniss's face. She glanced down at the watch on her wrist. "He should be waking up from sedation soon. We need to talk with him and let him know what is going on. Once we get his consent, I can have him in an operating room first thing in the morning. He's currently in an ICU bed so we can keep a close watch on him. I should be able to take you back now if you'd like."</p><p>Katniss nodded her head and gripped Finnick's hand as they stood from the table. Prim wrapped her arms around Katniss's neck and placed a kiss on her cheek letting her know that she would hang back in the waiting area while they visited. As they walked through the double doors she gripped Finnick's hand harder and his fingers tightened around hers. In any other circumstance she would have been embarrassed by her inability to show a stoic demeanor, but her mind was so flooded with thoughts of Peeta and his wellbeing for her to even think about how she appeared to the world.</p><p>They followed Dr. Cressida around a corner and into a large room with a central nurse's station and patient rooms with glass doors and walls allowing the nurses and doctors at the station to be able to visually see into the rooms at all times. As they walked, Katniss looked over to Finnick. His face was pale and drawn and he had dark purple circles under his eyes that were only accentuated by the harsh florescent light that flooded the space. She heard the errant whispering as they passed by people working or visiting on the floor. People were beginning to recognize him or word had gotten out that he was in the building. Either way, the rumor mill would be running at full steam in no time.</p><p>Dr. Cressida stopped outside of a room that had a curtain drawn across the glass wall for privacy. She gestured at them to wait as she moved into the room and disappeared behind the curtain.</p><p>"Did you talk to Annie?" Katniss asked in a low voice drawing Finnick's attention away from the door and down to her.</p><p>"Mmhmm," he replied quietly although his eyes drifted back to the door. "She's looking for a babysitter for Jacob and then she's planning on coming down here. It's hard though because it's Christmas Eve."</p><p>Up until that moment she had completely forgotten it was almost Christmas and a wave of guilt swept over her. "Finnick, you don't have to stay. I don't want you to miss Christmas with your son."</p><p>Finnick looked down at her with the most genuine look of gratitude in his eyes. "I appreciate that. I really do, but I can't leave. It's my brother in there."</p><p>Dr. Cressida appeared around the curtain and met them outside of the room. "The sedation is beginning to wear off and he's coming to. He's still pretty groggy and the pain medication we have him on is making him slightly incoherent at times, but that should get better the more he wakes up. He's asking for you both."</p><p>Katniss looked toward Finnick before walking through the door and gripping the privacy curtain with shaking fingers. She peered around the curtain briefly before stepping all the way into the room. The sight stole her breath and she brought her trembling fingers up to her mouth. Peeta's head was wrapped in white gauze securing a large bandage to the back of his head. She could see where they had shaved his hair on the side and back making his unruly curls stand haphazardly against the bandage. Various tubes and wires extended from his body. His knuckles were bruised and covered in minor scraped and cuts, but what caused her gasp was his battered face. His eyes and cheeks were badly swollen and she could see angry black, blue and purple bruises already extending from his hairline down his forehead across his right eye and onto his cheek.</p><p>Finnick's sharp intake of breath as he entered the room and took in the scene caused her to jump and Peeta's left eye fly open. His gaze drifted over Finnick, lingering briefly on the blood stains on his clothes before finding Katniss. Peeta sucked in a ragged breath. His bottom lip trembled slightly.</p><p>"Katniss, I –," he began but a sob escaped his lips cutting him off as he blinked away tears.</p><p>She moved to the side of his bed and wove her fingers through his squeezing them gently. He released a shuddering sigh and seemed to slip back into unconsciousness again. A nurse moved on the other side of the bed inputting data into a computer and adjusting his I.V. He lifted the blanket near the bottom of the bed checking something hanging low on that side before removing his gloves and sticking his hands under an automated hand sanitizing dispenser.</p><p>"Don't be surprised if he doesn't remember any of that," he said. "He's on a lot of pain medication and head trauma patients tend to forget quite a bit during the first few days. The emotional reaction is also very common, so don't let it frighten you. He's doing pretty good all things considered. I'll be back in about an hour unless you need me before. Hopefully, he will be up and ready to talk by then."</p><p>The nurse slipped past the curtain and out the glass door. Katniss lowered herself into a chair at Peeta's bedside suddenly feeling the weight of exhaustion crash over her. Finnick slumped down into a chair against the wall. His eyes furrowed in concentration as they scanned Peeta's body.</p><p>"I want to kill that son-of-a-bitch for this," Finnick whispered. "He walked away with not much more than a black eye and a bloody nose."</p><p>Katniss nodded afraid of what her voice would sound like if she actually spoke the words tangled up in her head. A murderous streak she didn't know she possessed flowed through her. In that moment she was sure that if she ever saw Marvel again she would run him through with the closest available pointed object. The thought that she would be capable of something like that and the satisfaction she felt at the mere imagination of his death gave her pause. As if knowing that her mind was headed to a dark place, the baby fluttered inside her as her stomach growled. She was hungry. The baby always moved a lot more when she was hungry. She reached out and brushed her knuckles softly against the side of Peeta's face.</p><p>"We should contact his family," she said with a resigned sigh. "I'm almost positive he is going to want to do the surgery. He won't want to risk the aneurysm coming back, not with the baby coming in a few months. They should at least know what's going on." She turned to Finnick who was watching her with a solemn expression on his face that she didn't exactly know how to interpret. "I don't have any of their information. Do you know how to get in touch with any of them?"</p><p>He nodded and grabbed his phone saying that he needed to call Annie back too and that he would reach out to Peeta's family when he was done with the call. He rose from the chair and kissed Katniss on the top of the head before exiting the room.</p><p>"She won't care, you know," Peeta mumbled causing Katniss to jerk her head towards him. Her hand instantly reached out to grasp his. He turned his head, wincing as the wound rubbed against the pillow, until he could meet her eyes.</p><p>"Who won't care?" She asked even though she was fairly certain that she knew who he was talking about.</p><p>"My mother. If anything, she'll probably be disappointed that Marvel didn't finish me off. But, then again, the fact that my death wouldn't bring back Proja would probably be what would piss her of the most."</p><p>"Maybe we'll get lucky and she won't come," Katniss said with a smirk in hopes that he would smile at her half-hearted attempt to make a joke.</p><p>"Yeah, maybe." He closed his eyes for a moment and she thought he might have drifted off again, but then his fingers tightened around hers. "I have an aneurysm?"</p><p>She inhaled deeply, torn about what to say to him. She felt like she should call the doctor back in or at least that nurse. They would be able to explain things to him that she wasn't qualified to or barely understood herself, but when she met his eyes and saw the earnest and frightened look in them, the words spilled out of her without a second thought. He listened silently as she explained what the doctor had said and what Prim had told her. When she said that the way the doctor had explained the surgery made it seem routine, simple even, but that it was still brain surgery with all the risks involved, he hesitantly brought his hand up to touch the bandage on his head. Once she had relayed everything she could remember to him, she waited for his response. She wanted him to say something, anything, to let her know how he was feeling. She was scared shitless and this wasn't even happening to her. If she felt that way then he must be terrified, but just like the night after she had told him about Marvel, the first words to leave his mouth surprised her.</p><p>"How's my baby girl doing today," he said, letting go of her hand to reach down and smooth his fingers across her belly.</p><p>She closed her eyes at his touch, humming softly as the sensation of his light touch as it caused goosebumps to form on her skin. "She's excited you're awake." She sighed and turned to look at him again. "You can't do things like this Peeta. You scared me to death."</p><p>"I know," he said while still drawing small circles with his hand on her stomach. "I just wanted to talk to him. I never meant for any of this to happen. I just wanted to try and reason with him, but the things he said were too much. I was hitting him before I even knew what I was doing."</p><p>A commotion behind the privacy curtain caught their attention and they both turned their heads towards the sound. Finnick appeared with snacks and bottles of water in his arms. A look of relief flooded his face as he saw that Peeta was fully awake. He unloaded the items from his arms into an empty chair and came up beside the bed to grab Peeta's hand.</p><p>"I'm sorry, Peeta. I should've stepped in sooner. Hell, I should've hit the guy myself."</p><p>"You couldn't have done that," Peeta said. "That would've cost your job and maybe your whole career. That's your life. I don't want to take that away from you."</p><p>Finnick waved his hand in front of him brushing off Peeta's comment. "I could build a career again or do something else. Nobody says what that jackass said about my family. At least we can all be happy that he is no longer employed with the studio," he said with a shrug. "Good luck to him finding another job in the industry too."</p><p>"Did I hurt him?" Peeta asked, his voice laced with concern.</p><p>Katniss's chest tightened and she watched Finnick's eyes grow soft. Of course, Peeta would feel guilty and worry that he had hurt Marvel just as bad as the man had hurt him.</p><p>"He'll be fine," Finnick said as he patted Peeta's thigh and moved towards the empty chair holding the snacks. "His face might not be so pretty for a few weeks, but it's nothing that won't heal with time."</p><p>Peeta's eyebrows scrunch together as he carefully moved his head into a more comfortable position on his pillow. "Good," he said under his breath. His eyelids began to droop once more.</p><p>Katniss did quite understand how he could have so much concern for someone who had intentionally hit him so hard that it fractured his skull. She had far too much fire inside of her to be that forgiving. She had never sought out a way to harm someone, but she knew that deep down if she were ever forced into a situation that required it, she would be able to do so without hesitation. She had always thought of herself as an inherently good person, but in that moment she was sure that outside of Prim, she had never met anyone as truly good as Peeta Mellark.</p><hr/><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Peeta</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>The edges of his thoughts were fuzzy. They felt just beyond his grasp and it took a great deal of effort to concentrate on anything. He knew it was because of the pain medication. He hated it, but his head throbbed intensely from even just the slightest movement and there was a constant headache pounding just behind his eyes. He was tired. It didn't matter how hard he tried, he could only stay awake for short periods of time. The doctors came in earlier and told him about the aneurysm, about the fracture in his skull, about his three cracked ribs and the other smaller more insignificant injuries. They had explained the procedure to him and the risks. He would be taken to an operating room, given general anesthesia, his head will be placed into a device to hold it steady and neurosurgeons will remove part of his skull and place a coil device to clip the aneurysm. He was scheduled to have surgery in the morning. On Christmas Day.</p><p>He had mumbled sincere apologies to all the doctors and nurses who would be stuck operating on him instead of enjoying the holiday at home with their families. They had assured him that it wasn't a problem. They had taken an oath to save lives and his life was worth being a little late to their holiday festivities. He had sent Finnick home. Annie was unable to find a sitter and there was no need for Finnick to be uncomfortable in his hospital room overnight, when there were more important things, like Santa Claus, to attend to. Finnick had looked dubious, but Peeta insisted that he would not allow this to ruin Christmas morning for Jacob, so Finnick relented saying he would be back as soon as he could in the morning.</p><p>Katniss was another story completely. She refused to leave his side. He did talk her into telling Prim to go back to the house, which she did only after bringing a fresh set of clothes and a few toiletries for Katniss. The nurses had taken pity on her and brought in a cot, pillow and blanket to help her sleep. Every time he woke up she was there curled on the cot beside his bed with her arm resting on the side of the bed so their fingers could touch.</p><p>Although he would frequently fall asleep, he didn't stay asleep long and he watched the hours pass as the hands on the clock on the wall ticked by. A new rotation of nurses arrived at 6am and a shy nurse with beautiful, red hair named Lavinia came in to check his vitals. She didn't speak much, but the few words she did speak were said in hushed tones as her eyes flitted over to Katniss's sleeping form. Peeta watched as she disappeared out the door and idly wondered what it would take to recreate that color of red on canvas sleep captured him again.</p><p>The click of high heels and a loud, brash voiced jolted him awake. He turned his head to see Katniss seated in a chair beside his bed, her cot nowhere to be found, and her head tilted quizzically toward the sound. As the voice grew closer he was finally able to hear what was being said.</p><p>"That tone is absolutely uncalled for! I will have you know that my late husband has made numerous, large donations to this hospital so I would think that would afford me to be treated with a little more respect."</p><p>Another voice with more whispered tones begins speaking before the second voice cut in again.</p><p>"I don't give a fig about visiting hours. Like I said, my donations practically built that new wing I hear the hospital director bragging about all the time, so if you have a problem with me visiting my nephew," the voice became crystal clear as the door to his room opened, "then you can let the director know he can speak with me personally. The name is Effie Trinket Heavensbee."</p><p>Before Peeta had a chance to say anything to warn Katniss about what was coming, Effie appeared from behind the privacy curtain with a bright pink dress hugging her slender figure, ridiculously tall high heel shoes and a large brimmed matching pink hat sitting atop the blonde ringlets perfectly coiffed to frame her face.</p><p>"Peeta, darling!" Effie exclaimed as she teetered to the bedside opposite Katniss. "Oh, my sweet boy. That handsome friend of yours, Finnick, called me yesterday and I rushed here as soon as I could."</p><p>Peeta smirked to himself. Of course, Finnick had called Effie and not his parents. Finnick knew that Effie acted as the perfect buffer between Peeta and his mother and that Effie truly had Peeta's best interest at heart. He would need to thank Finnick later.</p><p>"I talked with your parents, of course. They are worried sick. Your father is due to arrive shortly with Rye. Your mother needs to stay behind to watch over the bakery. I'm sure you understand." Effie patted his arm, but her eyes told him that she disagreed with his mother's decision. She fussed with the bit of hair sticking out of the bandages around his head and straightened the blankets around his middle. "Today is a big, big, big day, but I'm I know you are going to do just fine, dear. We will all be here for you and I will make sure that everything is taken care of and – oh! Who is this lovely, young lady?"</p><p>Katniss's eyes darted from Peeta to Effie and back to Peeta and he saw the nervous look in them. She was unsure of what to say or do. She knew of his aunt. Everyone in their small town knew of Effie even if they didn't know her personally. She grew up as a prominent member of the townspeople, along with his mother, because her family owned and operated the only pharmacy in town. The family did well financially, but once Effie met and married Plutarch Heavensbee, she officially became one of the wealthiest people in the country. She was definitely the wealthiest person anyone from their small town had ever known. This made Effie a sort of legendary figure, someone that people talked about in hushed, reverent voices. Although, if they knew Effie, really knew her, they would realize that deep down she was still a small-town girl, even if she did talk with a made up hoity-toity accent that made Peeta rolls his eyes behind her back.</p><p>"This is Katniss," he began, taking Katniss's hand and bringing her fingers to his lips.</p><p>"Katniss. <em>The</em> Katniss?" Effie asked, looking between the two of them.</p><p>Katniss's brows furrowed in confusion and Peeta ignored the questioning look in her eyes.</p><p>"Yes. And, that," he gestured to Katniss's belly, "is our baby girl."</p><p>Katniss's eyes darted towards him unsure. She only knew of his mother and he knew she was wary that Effie's reaction would be similar to his mother's, but he knew better.</p><p>"Peeta!" Effie screeched making Katniss jump slightly in her seat. "Why didn't you tell me? Your mother said nothing about this to me at all. Shame on her!" Effie's hands flapped wildly in front of her eyes as the tears began to fall. She slid her hand into Peeta's being careful of the I.V. attached. "Oh, my dear, dear, sweet boy. You're going to be a daddy. I'm over the moon about this!" She quickly tottered over to Katniss pulling her out of her chair and wrapping her in a crushing hug. Katniss stood there eyes wide and arms pinned at her sides. "I'm just so happy," Effie cried finally releasing Katniss. Effie playfully swatted Peeta's leg. "Look at how you've ruined my makeup. This takes so long to perfect, you know."</p><p>Effie crossed the room and sat down in one of the available empty chairs. She pulled a compact out of the bag he hadn't noticed was tucked under her arm and began to fix the tear streaked makeup.</p><hr/><p>There were three sets of doors. He had counted the frames and changing ceiling tiles as they passed through all of them to enter the operating room. He had kept his breathing even and smiled graciously at the nurses that wheeled him through the halls and doorways. As they passed through the final set of doors he could only think of Katniss and the determination she had poured into their last kiss. She had refused to say goodbye telling him that she would be by his side when he woke up, but he could see the concern in her eyes. They both knew that there was a chance he wouldn't wake up. He had spoken to Finnick quietly and quickly when Katniss had excused herself to use the bathroom. He asked his friend to look after her. Finnick promised that Katniss and the baby would always be taken care of.</p><p>Peeta's father and Rye had shown up just shortly before Peeta was wheeled from his room. His father had brushed Peeta's hair from his eyes and lightly kissed his forehead. Rye had awkwardly hung back at first only nodding at Peeta with a small smile, but once the nurses arrived to take Peeta away, Rye moved towards the bed and gripped his hand. Then, with a smile on his lips he began the secret handshake they had devised when they were both little boys. Katniss watched hiding a smile behind her hand and quickly wiping a tear that had escaped. Their father chuckled, Finnick laughed and Effie scoffed. When the handshake was done, Peeta reached up and punched Rye lightly in the arm, but as he was wheeled out of the room he had a bright smile on his face.</p><p>The earth momentarily shifted as he was lifted from the gurney onto the surgical table. The anesthesiologist that he had met earlier that morning appeared by his head. He must have seen the fear in Peeta's eyes even though he was desperately trying to hide it because the man smiled warmly and patted Peeta's shoulder. He explained that he was going to administer the general anesthesia and that Peeta would feel a cool sensation in his veins and begin to feel drowsy. The man than moved away from the table and Peeta focused on the ceiling. It was painted in a calming blue color which was odd because the rest of the room had plain white walls. He vaguely wondered if that was done for the patient's benefit to give them a pretty color to look at before their lives were in the hands of others. He wanted to ask the anesthesiologist about it, but he suddenly felt the cold sensation he was told about running up his arm and through his whole body. He shivered. He heard the anesthesiologist ask him to count backwards from ten. His eyes felt heavy as he began to count. He looked to the ceiling once more and as his eyes dropped he wished that it was sunset orange and not blue because he would've loved to see that color one more time before he died.</p>
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